sigh. what a difference a day can make... now left wondering what the future has install. so weird that feeling. anyway ij is.. like omg lah. we had to buy the chocomania tickets or else we can't get our o level results. what rubbish lah. so stress. so many pple got single digits.. quite a number of 6 also. saddening. sigh. don't know... kind of didn't improve from the prelims? =/ rarrrhh... i really don't know what to do now. still feeling pretty disappointed... 7 distinctions out of 8 subjects. chinese is.. b3? but so what? that can't bring me anywhere loh. this sucks. i really don't know what to do.. arggh. sucks manz. i hate my bonus... sucks like hell. then again maybe i DO want to stay in tj. probably would miss tj quite a fair bit should i decide to leave? so luan one.. i also don't know le.. i feel quite lost. a bit the cannot make decisions.. only consolation is that i got a2 for my amath. big miracle already... now i've the full range of combis to choose from should i stay in tj. except a level chinese and lep.. duh... so yeap. can take either f math or triple science le. but i think i shouldn't do f math right. i'm not confident at all. my math always cannot make it de. triple science like very stress. heard bio's really tough and all... but i suppose i'll take my chances? right now almost anything's better than economics.. sigh. neighbour asked me to try rj.. or nj. cos of the distance. he says that i never know.. but.. like.. hmm. quite hard to get in right. the chances seem quite low to me.. don't know lah. 5 days.. to stay or not to stay. feel a quite attached to tj right now... how??? SIGH

tmr's the day. oh manz. so screwed.finally got the jae letter. phew? haiz. sigh. i think ah. if i see a double digit i'll just cry. sigh. don't know. this sucks. then i'll roughly know which school i'll end up in right. haiz. sian ah. i wish this day wouldn't come so soon... but whatever it is.. come what may. my reslut was already determined last year when i last put my pen down after the exams. can't change it already. sigh

very pissed off. i feel like i can just storm out of tj any moment. like i could just walk off never to return again. dammit. rarrrhh. team? what team? omg lah. went trekking up and down bukit timah hill with the backpacks filled with bottles of water.. then walked all the way to mac ritchie. some people just don't care. makes me wonder what i'm doing here. why everything's like that? i'm trying so hard already to mix with everyone and anyone. why like that? so pissing. physically yes it was draining. mentally it was worse. was so pissed off that there was no sense of accomplishment or whatsoever at all. don't know how to describe it. don't know whether i'll stay. see my mood on that day. get this feeling that maybe i won't stay anymore. bleahx. anyway, yesterday went out with them to go shopping to see whether we could find nice backpacks for the expedition. heck. bought solomon shoes. damn ex. nearly $200. but lucky they were on discount? nice shoes though. like them. relieves the stress on my current only pair of shoes. rarrrh. feel so irrritated. who cares about what monday brings now?! arggh

okay. shall update? err tests tests and more tests? sian ah. school sucks. been scraping out passes... not a very good sign right? all my tutorials also.. they're all dead. haha. oh well. hmm. road run today. a bit the disasterous. but not that bad i suppose? learnt something. never start from the back cos it's crazy. and i don't know. got other stuff to be learnt i suppose. nevermind. first try? haha. don't know lah. if i do decide to stay in tj... next year for the road run must be one of the top twenty positions. yups. agreed with yuxuan on that. we can do it de. =) ahaha. the nus test is horrid? omg lah the physics section was not exactly do-able. so hard.. haiz. chem was not that easy either. like they expected you to memorise the periodic table like that. haha. a lot of stuff all never learn before de. rarrrhh. but the bio's easy. sian ah. should have taken the bio one. cleverly did chem and physics.. cos i'm not doing bio for the first three mths mah. wrong choice i suppose. heck it lah. falalala. biathlon tmr. good luck everyone. pray i don't pull zhi yong down? haven't exactly really been swimming. hahaha. what else? valentine's day? quite normal? fun also lah. finally touched a bball in such a long time. haha. errr.. angel and mortal game? got three. og de.. he already knows it's me. super lah he. so fast. one letter jiu know le. the whole school de. revealed already. err. senior class one. haven't yet. he's in the sc. always see him around. saw him at the road run also. walked right past him quite a number of times. quite tempting to say hi. hahahaha. oh well. a few more days to doomsday. sian ah. what's with the letter from moe for the teaching scholarship thing? is it for real? i never ever want to get that thing. eeeyer. ahaahha. okok. i'm totally crapping out rubbish le. that's all then

hmm. actually i realised that oac's really quite nice. haha. not like i didn't know that before but yeah... up and down 23 flight of stairs five times. quite fun lah. with our partners and all. loved teh countdown. lol. funnn. did the adventure tower also. part of it lah. accomplishment. somehow i think my fear of heights momentarily disappeared or something. didn't feel much. just the need to finish everything as fast as possible. don't ask me why i felt that way. i just somehow felt. errr somewhat determined. don't know where that came from. like must do it. i have to.. that kind of feeling. HAHA. i think i get it. i'm officially going nuts. -really dramatic look- haha. don't know lah. but got quite a lot of satisfaction from completing the obstacle. muahaha. felt a bit like a monkey though.. =) quite a nice feeling i think... haha. i'm really talking rubbish. haha. ooh. so going for the march exp. exciting. climbing mount stong and ayam in malaysia. sounds fun. =) and yinwei can go le! so happy. xiao wei and jinhe are also going. yanlinggg!! jia you! hope to see you there also! =D lalala. oohhh.. got a pass for the rubbished econs essay. so rephrasing sentances does earn you marks afterall -contemplates- haha. yeah. it's a fail but a pass also. like a double digit fail so not too bad. shall remember it as a rubbished pass. lol. maybe i won't drop econs afterall... we'll see we'll see... ahaha. falala. nothing much to say. in a mood to go running!!! tmr tmr. if i go now.. i'll like wake the entire neighbourhood up.. then they'll all be like who's that crazy person running around in the middle of the night. hahaha. omg i'm talking rubbish lah. haha. that's all.

ooh. wait. got this from junsheng's blog... results are totally crap lah. ignore it. just thought the quiz was quite cute... haha. =p hmm while you are there do the chem test also. got like full marks. quite easy de. or so i think... =) muahaha. propaganda to ask people to like chemistry right. =) ooh and the loser test. haha. i'm so not loser. hmm so nerds aren't that much of losers afterall?! ahaha

falala. ponned sch to go back to ij. mass was okay. the singing was.. torturous lah. somehow i was wondering when they would stop making so much ahem noise. lol. okay being evil. they had some weird interhouse lion dance competition. haha. funny. oh well. anyway, met mrs low. she seemed somewhat shocked to know that i'm in tj. started asking me what i got for the prelims. so yeah. told her raw 9 after bonus 8. she was like oh that's good. tj's a good school. haha. i think i still had that funny !!! look. must have thought that i can't make it to tj is it. -glares for a moment- remember someone saying that even aj wouldn't take me in. bleahx. hmm. yeah. met mrs tang, mrs tay, mr teh, mrs nicks and all. oh well. my belt isn't that bad what. -innocent look- at least it's still on. haha! hmm. they say tj's a good school. hmm. interesting. mrs siao says i look like i'm ready to leave tj. really meh. there's a possibility that i'll stay one leh. haha. they all say see you in two weeks time. i was so tempted to say no no i don't wish to see any of you in two weeks time. it'd spell doom for me. o level results time right. i'd rather not have it can. sigh. oh well. went out after that to orchard with everyone. had macs. lol. then walked and walked. falala. first time i've stepped into coffee bean and tea leaf. interesting. oh saw nat. SIGH. she's in nj and she's going to leave after the first three mths to go to temasek poly. sigh. i want her place in nj. oh well. maybe tj ain't that bad after all. haha. =p see how lah. results must be quite okay to be able to stay also anyway. hmm. what if i failed humanities...9 plus whatever is a lot loh. oh well. nvm nvm. nothing i can do about it now anyway. hmm. tmr must go bai nian. so sian lah. oh well. so super tired. sigh. nevermind. whoa. -looks up in excitement- three ENTIRE days without tj. sooo exciting! muahaha

ooh. ponning school in tj to go back to ij for cny celebrations. finally decided on doing so. didn't see a point of going to tj for three periods of civics only. not like i like civics one bit anyway. haha. oh well. sigh. i feel bad. i don't like tj much. yet it's given me so many opportunities and i dislike it for doing that. it's making me feel obliged to stay after the first three months somehow. haiz. oh the nus science thing. the cutoff was like 6pts for english plus four math or science subjects lah. obviously i didn't make the cut. i got 8 i think. yups. so yeah those who made the cut obviously went through. like twenty five people lah. tj's sending thirty pple. so they picked five pple out of the remaining people to go for the test thing based on teacher's reccomendation supposedly because of the overwhelming response. impressive. didn't know teachers would nominate me. came as such a shock lah. hmm. especially when i happily handed in the form late. like a day after dateline. lol. shocking. but i'm so going to gu fu their qi wang lah. dieee. haiz. feels stressful. what if i fail that test. damn. picked chem and physics. dumb to choose to only be tested on two subjects but oh well. the rest seem un-do-able. my math sucks and i don't take bio. sigh. i'm so dead lah. already struggling with all my subjects. can i please drop econs now? haiz. this sucks. oh managed to pass the stupid chem test. so no need to go for remedial. muahaha. good. very good. falala. maybe i should stay in tj? feeling so bad. oh biathlon. why only me and zhi yong doing individual?! sigh. and go for the march ex leh. i want to go for the mountain climbing thing. go with meee. sounds so fun can. =) oh i don't think i can make it for the sa funfair btw, super packed that day. so sorry yeah... muahaha. no tj for three whole days. i feel so happy. but these few days cannot be classified as holidays. more unfinished tutorials. sigh.

shall post before i really get to busy to post. errm. i don't know. sometimes don't you wonder what would have happened should have happened instead of what actually happened? as in like what if you were posted to another jc? like your first choice jc or something. how different life would be now. sigh. i think i can't cope. not suprising right. three pdps. four subjects. so horrible. want to start dropping pdps... but i feel so bad. like i feel obliged to stay or something. want to drop econs also. but. don't know lah. never dropped a subject before. maybe i should wait till after the first three months then change or something. give econs a couple more weeks to ahem prove it's worth to me. hahaha. omg i sound like i'm so wei da like that. hahaha. oh well. econs is so super not tailored for people like me. just had the econs test today. promptly declared that econs was a test of my linguistic ability. the ability to rephrase sentances over and over again to create what is superficially called an economics essay. as defined by me lah. total crap. haha. yesterday's chem test was just WONDERFUL. left wondering if i would pass. haha. so sad right. hmm. passed math on the dot. well. apparently everyone in my scg passed math. so i figured where i stood in the class. right at the bottom. dieee. i'm so screwed. can't wait for cny. time to go study and catch up a bit. haha. omg what's wrong with me. so no life.

haiz. oh well. more tests coming up. sigh. will they really be counted if i stay in tj? if they are, i'm totally screwed. sigh. really want to drop econs already. and maybe take up bio later on. don't know lah. feel like my life's in such a mess. only going to get more and more busy. so many projects due. bleahx. hmm. being posted to ntu for the chem research thing for scico as well. doing on some acrymalide in food thing. yups. ntu's like at the other end of the world lah. it's in the west. tj's in the east. so yeah. but it definately beats lab work in tj itself. like crystal growing. didn't want that. glad i'm getting to go out. meet the ntu lecturers and all. damn cool. hope i can cope with it though. all my tutorials! cannot finish them in time most of the time. so screwed lah. just wish i've some time to do like just one, two questions of tutorials for each subject or something but oh well. finally seizing opportunities. or trying to rather. not too bad. has paid off a bit. got into scico. went for surf and sweat. going to take part in the road run and biathlon. quite fun lah. but it's so tiring. being in tj as a whole. must really reconsider whether i should stay in tj. i get this weird feeling that i should just go back to cj where most of the ij people are. but... i don't know. part of me tells me to try something new. that's why i decided not to go to cj to start off with. yups. haiz. don' t know lah. i bet i failed the os anyhow. so yeah.

oh. this rubbished thing happened yesterday. first i left the house without my. didn't realise till i was on the bus lah. so nevermind. started reading through some of my chem lecture notes cos there was to be a test later on. so yups. read. dozed off for what seemed like a split second and happily found myself somewhere in bedok north. tj's in bedok south lah. had such a good mind to just go back home and skip school. can't stand being late mah. anyhow decided to ask some passerby after i got off at the nearest stop what time it was lah. 7.10. hmm. decided i was going to attempt to take a taxi there lah. that woman's really nice. was asking if i had enough money for the taxi ride and for lunch and all. was offering to give me money to go take the taxi lah. luckily i had more than enough. then again i'd feel so bad that even if i didn't have enough i wouldn't accept her offer. hahaha. anyhow finally got a taxi. asked him to get me to tj. he was like where's that. i was like omg. erm it's in bedok south? whoa luckily somehow i still managed to get to tj at like 7.25? ahaha. phew lah. sigh. jc's pe is run run run. not a bad thing of course. but it's a bit boring? i want to learn new games. like handball? floorball? something like that. oh well.

this entry is so long. nevermind. make up for all the time in which i won't be posting with? haha. hmm. i don't like physics anymore. it's getting me all confused. a bad thing of course. math also. dieee. i'm going to screw up every test there is. sigh sigh sigh. three mortals now. so weird. the senior class one. apparently he's in the sc? that's like all i know about him lah. how to write to him. ahaha. nvm nvm. oh the carnival was okay. business was damn good lah. could hardly cope. the bubble tea thing. so shocking. we were hoping optimistically to sell like 200 cups. bet we over-sold it. haha. newly invented word. haha. quite fun lah. for ONCE i felt a bit like i was part of the class. my scg's people are quite nice also lah. different classes but not bad they adknowledge my presence? hahaha. quite funny also. wanted to smash cream on me. oh well. got some in the end anyway. hahaha... not too bad lah. looking forward to cny. break time. finally sometime to sleep and to catch up a bit. for now it's ren ren ren loh. study, run, research, study somemore, run somemore and try to go swimming a bit. can lah. my gold star is useless manz. esp after so many years. hahha. =p sigh. busy busy busy. tmr will be no different from any other day. sigh. nothing left to say. not looking forward to a new day but oh well. life's a neverending learning experience and journey. we cannot stop. must keep going right till the end. yups. come what may then. we can handle it. i'm going to enter imh soon i tell you. intensive mugging heaven. sigh. who ever said that the first three months was slack?! omg lah. what slack. liars. lol. jkjk. but really lah. what rubbish. first three months is so NOT slacked at all. oh well. k. it's like 1.30am already? haiz. okay. that's all then.

quote of the day: f you can't fly, then run. if you can't run, then walk. if you can't walk, then crawl. but whatever you do, keep moving.