sigh. sucks la. seriously. seriously sucks to watching helplessly unable to help much while your teamates are suffering and all. sucks to try to hard to cheer people on while you yourself feel worse than anything. such contrasting feelings. titans is over. don't know whether it's a good or bad thing. good because it's finally over and i won't feel so horrible everytime i see them doing titans. bad because that's my one and only chance at titans and it's all gone within a flash. all the months of preperation all just... sigh. nevermind. worse still i'm not the only one la. totally sucks. sigh. feeling so... horrible? seriously didn't want to take the titans shirt just now. didn't feel like i deserved it. really wanted to give it to xiaoxia. she did like practically all the events for me la. only did log pt... and they were taking most of the weight off me already. sigh. to think yesterday was bad. yesterday was already in not the best of moods. cos was put into bball early in the morning... watched the badminton finals. some really sad feeling over there. really sad. haiz. don't know. came back to tj was asked to do titans cos there wasn't enough people for girls. given some seemingly tough choice. don't know. thought that's like the worst already for this week.. but then today..

haiz. just feeling so sian these days. don't know what to think anymore. sports carnival is weird la. seriously i think like three quarts of the school population just pons these kind of stuff la. end up looking for substitutes for the different games all the time. dodgeball is a saddist game. seriously. haiz. nevermind. it's over. good. finally get to go home. been staying over with other oacians at wai kit's house. have to thank him for putting us up and for the early morning ride to school. yeah. oh nevermind. sports carnival's finally over. three long days. got my amphib shoes at last. and at least a medal for something. bball girls interhouse second. quite funny cos hardly even seriously played cos yeah... of THAT. then finals had to substitute out halfway cos my legs seriously can't take it. don't know what's wrong with me la. so many problems de. sucks la. camps coming up. die already. so tired and lousy even before any of them actually start start.

today's evaluation's easily the worst one ever la. like i don't already hate evaluation enough. just couldn't take it anymore la. keep seeing the beta people waking here and there. felt like i seriously failed everyone especially for titans. i feel so chang kui just for having the titans shirt. seriously i really doubt i deserve it much. will feel so horrible each time i wear, touch or even just see the shirt. really don't want to wear it to the ip open house thing tmr. sighhhh. hate it la the feeling. this sucks. everything sucks. then again isn't it just a normal thing. sometimes i wonder if everything you're doing all the time is worth it...

hmm. just thinking. during the big five profiling session. that thing. they gave us one minute to think about our dream holiday. yeah. so scary the dream holiday. was like carrying a backpack with hydropack, wearing the nicee salomon shoes... running up the french alps. woo hoo... i'm crazy. seriously crazy. but i don't know. it suddenly made me wonder if i actually liked oac that much. so much so my dream holiday is oac-ed. hmm. i don't know. maybe this is what i really want in my college life? noo idea. just feeling a bit lost at the moment. haha. just felt like blogging is down so i can think about it someother time. haha

uh oh. can't exactly extend my leg straight now. ahh. die already. i think by the time titans comes.. either i can't run because of injury or because i've no stamina left from all the resting. omg la. both days titans gone already. forget it manz. =/anyway yesterday's orienteering was interesting. from tj to changi village. 17.5km within just over 3hrs. not bad la. but i kind of think i pulled the whole team down a lot. =/oh well. missed the choir concert also. yeah. luckly didn't go swimming yesterday morning somemore la. or else... i die already la. hmm. suddenly at a loss as to what to say. kind of crapped so much. hmm. got so many people to thank for yesterday la. thanks to yinwei for pulling me along. eng wei for trying to hard to motivate me to go faster. wei kheam for carrying my bag all the way. wai kit for offering to carry me. everyone la actually. realised i'm lucky to have such great teammates. seriously. =) oh well for now... don't know...

hmm. kayaking today. not too bad. kayaked from kallang seasports club to east coast. had games and even went to big splash. though it was seriously obsceinty la. they didn't allow singlets or shirts to be on while going down. so no choice.. tuo diao la. eeeyer. a bit the gross though. oh well. first time standard lunch tasted damn nice also. interesting feeling but yeah. hmm. met with a storm on the way back. scary la. pple started capsizing. quite freaky. the waves were like smashing right into the cockpit la. scary. s hard to manouver around. and waulao paddle like siao la. so tiring. then haiz. right arm is dead. was partially. now it like. err yeah. i also don't know. oh well. interesting expeience i suppose. though liyuan, liesel and i were like so worried about the back pple la. so scary. we kept turning back. but then yeah. nothing we could do. cos scared yue bang yue mang. not too bad la overall. just damn the tired. went to suntec for dinner together after that. kfc. and got my gelare icecream and lemonade. =) felt to happy after that until yeah i was told to go to ec. but then i don't want. so sort of like fought with my parents over the phone la. cos it's really not rational to go there. it's illogical. serious. arggh. don't know la. i'm distant from everything. live in a life of seclusion. sadness.


hmm. what's there to say. watched luyuan yesterday. so cheem. too cheem for my comprehension rather. nevertheless it was pretty good though i still prefer the nj one. haha. whoops. eh. had hc intro. like something caught my eye. then shit. totally forgot what i wanted to say. so yeah. stoned there for awhile and just talked a whole lot of crap. like seriously crap. then hustings sucked also. the questions are not very answerable. actually i didn't want to answer anything de. but then cannot just stand there and say nothing right. so just come up and talk a bit of rubbish loh. think it sucked big time. was like the last person for everything la. going to be the last person for the interview also. scaryyy. hahaha. i don't know. laughing at myself. titans coming. cannot be so slack. haiz. initiative... sighs. should try to put in a bit of effort into my work also ba. failing everything now. not a very good thing yeah. haiz. don't know la. see how. haiz. so won't be able to write tmr. wahh. painful ah arm. =(