really changed to much within such a short period of time? omg. okay. was telling me that he noticed big changes in me from the o level that time and now. now i seem to blank off a lot.. always so tired. and totally no confidence le. last time still got and knew my work also. now... hmm. yeah. somehow i think it's true. and i let it happen.. =/ haiz. told me that must start planning le. cannot become so panicky or else... chaos le. haha. plan to pass a few subjects first.. regain a bit of confidence then continue working on the rest of the subjects. like that then won't be so cham later on in the year when the promos come. shall listen. think he's quite right. said that he's quite shocked.. never seen me in this kind of state before. and if he notices such stuff about me means quite cham le.. oh well. means i really quite cham le hor. haiz. nevermind. shall head his advice ba. concentrate on a few subjects first. haiz. chem and what? the rest all chao ji lan. i want bio. but first three mths never take so a bit hard. but still possible right? considering i'm doing better in it then in physics. then math can be my backup or something. hahaha. you never know. haiz. a few more days to jct only... die la. must pass somehow. haiz... must try...

hmm. everything seems to move so fast. eh... whole day was spent at ps... early morning with oac. later on with hc. hmms. oac de. starbucks. yeah. we all know what it was about la. no need to elaborate. oh well. then the rest of the year ones went to base camp.. wonder what it's like there. hahahaha. just kidding. it's a shop. haha. oops. didn't make much sense. nevermind. haha. yeah. had jts after that. not bad la. just like almost everyone was late. nothing much hor. haha. suddenly wondered why i was so on time. hahaha. damn. oh well. haha. later disappeared with aijia cos i needed to buy my gifts. can't just go empty handed right. would feel so the super evil. haha. so yups. went to meet them at fish and co. were told that ain shin fei and shi min went to look for us. felt so bad la. then realised that it was because someone there also needed to buy a gift. haha. so funny. oh well. yeah. fish and co not bad la. but the portions are like sooo huge. really unfinishable de. haha. went to take neoprints after that... quite funny. at the last part we ended up standing there and using a camera to take pics of the would-be neoprint shots. a bit cheepo but it's smartttt. hahaha. =) fun la. but i still dislike taking neoprints. haha. oops. then we all went to watch mr and mrs smith. boring la. a bit the no real climax de the show. haha. met miss ang and sam there also. hmm. then we went to macs.. for err ice cream. haha. yeah. that's about it. yups. ahaha

wahahaha. finally... got some stuff straight. finally got my stuff prioritised. finally got everything in place. some great relief. haha. rocks. whee. seriously feels great. don't know why. maybe cos this problems lasted too long le. hahahahaha. rachael rocks. wahaha. oooh. big thanks yet again! haha. oh well. had so much fun also. hahaha. kena scared by all the doggies wondering around j8. haha. mutilated the chicken burger. hahahahahaha. wa.. later soon i become vegetarian le. hahahaha. i'm high. whee. kim's back? dunno. lalalala. hahaha. =) just happy for once. just on a high. haha

sighhh. suddenly i feel so lost as to what to feel. what i want. what i think i can cope with. suddenly i really don't know anything. like no opinion. i really don't know. i feel so weird like going to school today. still feeling so bad as to having to leave the camp on the camp on the first day. so much happened. when they talk i feel so.. distanced. then when they do like "pt" or something... i feel so weird standing or sitting aside watching them. i wanna do it with them too... sucks la.

evaluation was crap la. was already feeling so super luan when i walked in. felt so unfocused. was like they ask questions that time... was trying to keep my focus there for awhile. but then once the sentance ends.. my mind'd be somewhere else already. then i'll end up slowly trying to pull myself back. but then after one or two words.. gone again. so many questions on commitments. expected ba. but seriously couldn't choose. when hc came to mind.. somehow my answer is hc. when oac's in my mind.. the answer'd be oac. honestly i didn't really know what i was answering either la for the commitments thing. don't know... just remember wanting to get out of there asap...

teachers talked to me after that. wanted to know how i am.. and again.. the oac and hc thing. and my studies. seems like they all know le. yeah. wanted me to make a choice between them for my own good. yups. but somehow i really couldn't decide. yeah they're correct that it's up to me to make sure that i don't regret the decision i make. but.. i just don't know.was like how many subjects are you confident of getting more than 40% in.. nearly couldn't answer. said chem though i'm not confident of it.. workable ba.. but one out of four subjects.. haha. a bit the still fail big time ba. managed to find time to think about it ba. by choosing to make my decision after the jcts. see whether my studies can be.. salvaged? sigh i figure i need a lot more than passes for jct le. a bit hard. first trip sci sucks. second i really didn't take it during the first three months. third i'm lagging behind big time from the first day of school during the first three months. that's a lot la. but if i don't give it a try i'll never know right? must strive to make the jct a good outing ba. yeah. then at least i can convince myself of something. right now... i can't even convince myself. how to go about convincing someone else?

so now it's jct jct jct ba. must at least pass it la. though i get this feeling the papers are going to be damn hard. actually.. no la. i'm SURE it's super hard.. but must pass.. seriously.. then i'll make my decision... jct first. sighhh. just thinking about what someone said also. said that during first three mths at least i seemed quite happy.. still got hear from me de. then after first three mths.. totally quiet and everyday all don't exactly happy de... really meh? i changed so much? sighh. i don't know. nevermind.. jct first.. sighhh

early ride home from june camp. knee seriously something wrong. yeah just about sums up my june camp? haha. just a few rounds of the track and then the 7km run and a few jumping jacks equals jiao cannot take it le. didn't realise that that would spell the end of june camp for me ba. thought still can take a bit more but realised i was wrong? haiz. now walking first. hope can walk properly soon ba. oh well. haha. if i had known.. i die die will do titans de. haha. oh welll.. nevermind. it's over le. now just wish the rest of the team the best for all their remaining days of camp ba. =)

hmm. tower training the day before? not bad la. got to absail. scary at first. still is.. but not that bad.. quite shuang actually. haha. yups.

hmm. day before that was hc camp. not that bad la. a lot better than expected. got night hike around changi there to mostly abandoned areas. quite fun... especially when there're people who are scared around you. lalala. oops. haha. shinfei very funny. haha. =) nice la. it's good to have gone with her and everyone else around. yeap. got urban hike also right. yeah. around tampines pasir ris around there. yups. our motivation was no 800 push ups. 500 also better. so chiong ah.. haha. quite funny. yeah anyway still ended 500 push ups but not bad la. at least we did it as a team yeah. sea games were fun. i like the sea water! =) i'm crazy. hc camp not bad la. still got bbq de. haha. not bad. oh got my sports cap also. lalala. only bern and me didn't run for exco positions.. someone asked me to run for vice capt under sports. oh well. but it's what you want and what you believe you can handle that's more important right? or so i hope... so yeap. =)

oh yeah i never knew i was carry-able until these few days. got carried during both camps. seriously shocked and impressed. i'm heavy loh. haha.

oh well. missing the times we had together... wish i could be there now. but we all know i can't. always wanted land... but seems so far away now. sea as well. sigh. nevermind. hope to be there during the next expeditions ba. hope we're still a team after this? hopefully ba... wonder what you all are doing now. sigh