sigh. this is about it. can i just give up now? so so tired of everything. nothing will ever change will it. things never change. and people can be so pretentious at times. i don't understand why. i don't see the use of trying anymore. i don't see the point of rushing everywhere and trying to get stuff done all the time. i don't see a point of anything. just don't have the strength to carry on anymore. to keep trying to endure everything and to pretend that everything's okay. it's not. and it'll never will be...

three words. just hang on.
hmm. yeah that's what mr fun told me after we talked for awhile.
how apt...
though at times i really want to give up right here, right now. i don't know. so tired of rushing here and there, chionging homework between breaks and attempting to pass tests. none of which have been successful. two months have passed. approaching the third month already. nothing has changed. time is passing so quickly. even before i know it. house event's next wednesday. march expedition's coming soon. house function coming. suddenly, even sports day, sports carnival and titans seems so close. why can't i seem to find time to catch up... why can't i seem to keep pace even with current lectures and tutorials. lost is lost. but there're still topics here and there in math and bio that don't require past knowledge. so why can't i just keep pace with those? only a few months left. am i really planning to carry it on this way? or what am i going to do about everything? sigh. think it's time for... heh. self reflection or something.

hmm. results are out. less than 20 mins for the 3.6km. er okay la. can't really complain i suppose? =/

hmm. don't know whether to be sad or happy today... okay so we didn't get first for road run. but hey. we tried our best right. i'm sure our cheering was better than the rest.. just that. haha. some house just had to win it cos they didn't win anything else. more fair la. mmm. but not bad la. first place for both guys and girls all beta one. =) yups. so not bad la. at least we were organised too yeah =) hmm... anyway my last road run liao. haha. k. a bit like that day i love and hate. hate cos it got me so super nervous knowing it's the last one i'm taking part in. love cos it's been something i've been somewhat looking forward to knowing that it's the last run i'm going for and hey it's taken quite a lot for me to get here. all the objections to me going and all... cos my my knee... i don't know. a bit disappointed with the pace i ran at still... definately not my best. but i suppose i'll live with it? considering knee then didn't have time to warm up cos was busy helping to take attendance and giving out number tags and haha stitch again and some other weird problems. don't know la. haha. was bluffing myself all the way la. wanted to stop at the gate... and the slope... and the long long road. but i suppose... one thing i'm happy about it not stopping... and running all the way. kept reminding myself that it's the last time i'm running and it's a waste to walk cos if i did i'd have wasted all the time i saved by running constantly. haha. oh well. funny run. funny mindgame. i suppose... to some extent it's really mind over body ba. haha. oh well. 50 sth position. hai hao i suppose. hey. got what we aimed for right? top 100. haha. considering there were more than 400 runners la. right. should be la. counting by teams. then still have the fun runners. heh. at least it's over. yay. k. can give up running le. take up something... something like swimming! yeah man.

haha. k la. one event down... but that means that time really files too. not good. cos studies are no where. need to study. haven't passed a single test this year and counting. tutorials are no where. lost at lectures. woo hoo. screwed. failing next week's tests... but cannot fail the chem spa. fail le means cham liao. rarh. am so being monitored already. help. fail more tests equals seeand talk to teachers more times about studies... not good... study kim study... ahh... sigh. how. this year's really moving so quickly. what they all told me is true. should have listened. too bad i didn't really act on it. but really have to start liao. so so out of time.... study kim study...


why are we so prooo... why the rest so slowww...

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sigh.

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sigh. let me introduce something. for this week everyday that i'm unhappy i'll post sad smily. just want to see how many times a week i'm unhappy. shall start off with today...
=(

lousy. haven't passed a single test at all so far for this year. not a single one. our of the three subject tutors i've had to see two. basically for my lousy results. gp's beginning to become quite horrible as well. don't believe i've passed that this year as well. so basically i haven't passed anything at all. mrs ng was asking me about how i'm coping and all. whether i'm using the extra time after dropping a subject to study or spending it on my pdps. hmm. sigh. and she was telling me that i'm very short of time to study and catch up... which is so so true. i've everything to catch up for for bio. almost everything for math. and everything for chem as well. sigh. so much backlog. in such big trouble. how now? a classmate of mine's always like looking at my stuff then go your math is really bad. your p and c is really bad. p and c pple can just solve with one two lines only. why's your working so long. sigh. like i know la. sigh. then whenever i don't know something she'll give me that omg such a simple thing and you don't know it. like the entire world knows it that kind of look. sigh. i'm so sorry i don't know la. and if it was really that easy why would she be asking me right? she should know herself. sigh. don't know la. sometimes i don't know whether to laugh or to cry at this. it's just ongoing everyday... and i'm so tired of it. so tired that i become somewhat immune to it. i'm trying. i've been trying to do my tutorials and listen during class already. and still i have to go through the why are you do dumb thing everyday. give me a break la. i know i never fitted in with this class. i never will. but still. the most just leave me alone. i'll be happier that way. serious. sigh. anyway duathlon tmr. hope it'll be a good one. better not rain. haiz

sigh. ankle giving me problems sia. something wrong. woke up today... right ankle was too weak for me to even stand. took awhile just to be able to balance and stand up. even so it hurt. walking hurt too. even sitting. just moving it hurt. hmm. really don't know what's going on with it. a bit irritating. think it's too weak now. how. sigh. road run coming. arggh. haven't been running much. just pe. bleahx. not good. faster... faster... sigh. surf and sweat coming up. doing individual again this year. sigh. lazy to run. but in a way it's good. extra training for road run. heh. sigh. need to study. but don't feel like it as usual. rarrrhhh. this is so not good. have to start have to start...