disappointed. disheartened.

i really don't like human politics.

haha. let's see how i'm going to suvive the next week. preperations for the major house function. the function itself. food orienteering proposal and event. sports day forms and getting pple to join. still got the long report to write. haha. wish me luck... nothing's going to go wrong... no way...

hmm back to school. everything's like quite fast paced now. haha maybe cos this month is just er a busy one. ran a round with the year ones for punishment. just wanted to see how i'll survive it. ha. one of the seemingly longest 400m runs i've ever had. been so so long since i last ran. not good. but then again i'm not really supposed to be running? haha. oops. just testing. don't know la. feel a bit the pathetic. nothing much i can really do. quite rubbished. if i use my right eye to look at the whiteboard. even if it's filled with writtings.. i'll only see one patch of white. no writtings at all. so crapped. nearly banged into a couple of lamp posts. er walked into some cone. er. dunno what i'm doing. hmm doc said on mon that the effects of the previous treatment still hadn't cleared. too strong. so have to wait around two weeks before starting me on some kind of steriods for the eye. er. dunno. haha. i'm lost for everything now. academically. only thing i'm more or less getting is discrete random variables. like how to fine E(x) that kind. but dunno when to use it in the context of what question that kind of thing. -shrugs- oops. just some quite random thoughts. sigh. think pple have been covering up a lot for me especially since i mia-ed so long from school. feel quite bad. haven't been of much help for the function i feel. and track and field meet also. like so bad la. have to start helping out more liao... feel so bad la.

haha oh another random thought. saw the er commonwealth games. gymnastics. can't believe i was a gymnast for so many years la. whole of primary school plus a bit of kindergarten also i think. omg la. i'm so lousy. can't even do a single thing of even the basic routines anymore. so lousyyy.... but then again... so many years liao... hahahahahaha...

hmm gamma ice cream party. dunno how it went. alpha's major function's this friday. beat us by a week. heh. but ours will be better =) haha. oh. timetable changed. like finally. new timetable's so much better. ends earlier. previously the earliest day was like 415. now the latest day's ard 425? somewhere there. rocks. friday ends 1155. just before 12. rocks if there's no pdp on that day. monday rocks too 1250! woo hoo. haha... but tues 330. but oh well. totally can't complain. much better. haha. realised i'm seriously being very random today. ha. just felt like writting something i suppose. heh. 11.38pm liao. and i still haven't studied for bio spa or finished the math diagnostic test which i have yet to hand in. hmm. should go now. no random thoughts anymore either. ha. time to stardeee-hopefully. if i dun fall asleep half way. ha.

a good leader is also a good follower.
how very true...
haha anyway no idea how in the world i'm going to suvive school when school start again on monday. could barely survive a single lecture on friday. hahaha. this is going to be... so interesting... anyway sports day coming liao. haven't exactly done anything yet. the records book since so long ago. should do it soon too. sze sian just reminded me aout food orienteering. heh. what else do i need to do for now? oh. coming house function too. okay. hmm. a lot of homework. what else... haha. suddenly trying to remember everything. oops. looks like i've been doing nothing for too long ever since i've been missing school for THAT reason. haha. trying to revive my memory a bit. rarh. not really working i guess. haha. oh man. ignore this. just random thoughts in the middle of no where. haha...

hmm. maybe i should explain what happened that haha landed me in there for so long. eh. k cos friday i woke up with red eye too swollen to be opened. so skipped school... went to the gp... said that i had a cornea ulcer gave me some antibiotic eyedrops and yeah if it improves then good if it doesn't go back. heh. so saturday yeah became worse. vision in the right eye got blocked entirely because the ulcer was in the centre of the cornea and well it became er sort of larger? so sunday went back and got immediate referral to ttsh a & e... yeah. apparently quite bad so was admitted in. the ulcer was caused by abrasion of the contact lens with the eye. so yeah. put me on those stronger antibiotic eyedrops every 30 mins including sleeping time for the first few days until it showed signs of improvement. heh. lucky it kind of responded to those eyedrops la. vision sucks. cos all i could see was nothing but a sheet of white. so kind of survived 7 days attempting to read stuff mostly with one eye. tiring. anyway shan't talk about the rest. heh. had to go back to ttsh again today. beginning to be able to see numbers with that eye. haha good. but thing is it'll never fully recover. so yeah eyesight will become permanently blurrer. oh well. like that loh. and hmm i'm not allowed to go swimming? so looks like i'll spend half my pe time er. slacking. ha. sad. to think i was actually looking forward to mass swimming =( oh well. anyway probably have to stay away from contacts liao. doc says this time round it's already a major complication and next time round might not be so lucky. already lucky that it actually responded to the treatment and eyesight's slowly coming back. though there's thinning of the cornea and it kind of caused everything to be like very inflammed that kind of thing. oh well. i sound draggy. haha. one incident i won't wanna talk about again so yeah. bleahx. must go back on thurs again to make sure it's stabilised. =( rarh. oh well. just ranting now. heh. sigh. everyone's telling me to study nowadays. guess what mw said yesterday put everything into retrospective for me ba. have to start studying now. if not when the time comes it'll be too late. don't wanna regret next year when i get my results back. but somehow... i don't know. but i'm a bit lost as to how start... hmm. sigh.

been in hospital for 7 long days. boring stuff. finally. er. released today. love that doctor. for giving me the option to go home. muahaha. long awaited question. though it came a day too late. why wasn't he there yesterday? oh well. sigh. missed a lot of stuff this past 7 days. missed the house event. missed night cycling. and now missing the march expedition. sigh. this sucks. sigh i wanna go... =(
I MISS THE OACIANS!
rarh. wonder how they're doing now. sigh. can't wait for evaluation day to come so that i can see them again. sigh. one week. a lot to catch up on as well. add that with the whole of last year's work and this year's work as well. woo hoo. i'm going to have hell of a time. math test on the first day of school when it reopens. ha. cos kind of obviously didn't get above 50 marks for last year's promos. heh. still haven't passed a single test this year. this is so good. sigh. long long mc. now even allowed to go swimming now. so what can i do? not exactly supposed to run to swim to read too much to do anything. rarh. i'm highly... restricted. sigh. don't know la. need to study... catch up. or at least er fill in those blank notes and maybe tutorials too? bleahx. sigh... but i'm tired. so so tired. too tired to carry on...

sigh. a level results came out today. honestly... i'm worried. really really very worried. hmm ao chinese results came out today also. sigh some bad day can. lectures left me a bit the half asleep. then came gp tutorial in which i got back my essay which i failed ridiculously. like really super bad. then okay loh. anything. then came mass civics. wonderful. the principal suddenly wanted to talk to the student leaders about all the concerns of the students and all... then yeah. kind of no choice but to er sit in for the discussion. which kind of took up my lunch time. so had like 5mins to find mum to get something impt before rushing to lt1 to get ao chinese back. the more time passed while waiting, the more convinced i was that i failed chinese and so have to retake it. serious. not many pple seemed to be doing well for chinese. then instead of wishing to just scrape a basic pass of D7, i ended up mentally preparing myself to get D7 or below. prepared to see E8 and F9. serious. was waiting to see it already. then like everyone seemed so jing zhang. was just sitting there thinking to myself that i'll just turn away the moment i see the number eight or nine. immune to failing things already. sigh. then went and looked. okay worst of the class. kind of expected. but er passed. but obviously not good la. dunno la. then pple asking me how i did loh. aiya whatever la. and not intending to retake.... i can't do it anymore. nah. no more. leave it as that. give up already anyway. then year twos got results back also. knew about the math results since math lecture. then dunno la. the statistics sounded reasonable. but apparently worse than the previous year. don't know. seemed pretty good to me. hmm. but number of four as dropped quite a fair bit. heh. besides the point. anyway didn't hear much good news from them also. then dunno la. felt a bit the sad. then added with the ao thing earlier. felt really like crap la. especially at the arp at the adventure tower. like got the feeling of helplessness. like i didn't know what to do or what to say to people. sigh. worried for the senior batch. worried for friends. and suddenly... but surely.... not only me la. we got worried too. suddenly it was like something woke me up. snapped me out of my current state. cos like some of us are fairing a lot worse than the senior batch. like the never passed before that kind. then was thinking. do i really want to end up like two years ago. when i got my o level results back. ended up crying. yeah sure they were all as. but still the final grade... not good enough. do i really want to regret this time round? next year at this time... can i confidently wait for my results and say hey i'll even manage out a basic pass of like e or os? maybe it's time for me to wake up of my dream. i've been dreaming for too long. time to start studying. especially after this month and probably next month. after most of my major events are up. then maybe can concentrate more. anyway that will come when it comes. still more worried for others. sigh. hope everyone will be fine... and that they will stay happy... kind of miss the senior batch of pple. ahh... okay. they will be fine. yups. they will. but... sigh. don't know. getting a bit the distracted while typing this. not so coherent thoughts. heh. just thinking and thinking. scared for them. worried for them. haiz. this is definately not a good day... not a good day at all.