heys =) went back to tj yesterday for road run cum cny carnival. um more for road run actually. ran with them to try the new girls route. much better than before. no lucky heights. thank goodness for that. haha. traumatising hill. lol. yup anyway beta clean sweep-ed the guys first second third! hurrays. and cheer as well. yeah man. met my bio tutor mrs ng too! yay! haha and of course not to mention hsu da ge found me too! haha... oh and damn i like that green tj polo tee. ahh. i want i want i want =( hahahaha oh well =/ anyway i realise i'm so dying. after that run ar. left knee right ankle all started to fail me liao. not that i ran fast or anything. leisure pace and not a very long distance also. sad la. oh well. met wei kheam yesterday too. oh man. his hair grew back liao. not fun to laugh at anymore. haha then again there wasn't really much to laugh at to start off with hmm...

ooh went bouldering with yinwei at safra yishun just now. hurrays. i think just playing around the bouldering wall in the bouldering gym is addictive. lol.















haha looks good =p though somehow i preferred climbasia? easier perhaps. oops. =p but nice anyway.














sheep and i on the mat. hahas =)














hahahaha.... the sheep is ba ba-ing away =p














exhausted. haha then we headed over to northpoint, shopped and then headed to swensens and guess what happened...














photos...














and more photos... oops. haha =p

fun! i like bouldering. it gets... addictive =p

hmm quite a busy week... not too bad. went for sports climb with yinwei... got our certs le. and guess who we met... haha one of our course mate's a tutor from tj. the both of us didn't realise! after awhile we started talking we were like what's your occupation... then he looked at us and said tj. we were like huh? like what are you working as? and he said i'm a tutor in tj. haha imagine both of our shocked faces lol. apparently he said he saw me before in tj. you hc one right? haha hmmm haha sheep and i are still wondering why we didn't see him around when he entered last june. haha anyway yeah this gp tutor is super cool la. hahaha totally not tutor like at all out of school. lol. still talk rubbish do stupid things and gossip with us. funky. and man pei fu de. he's doing the sportsclimb course because they want him to be the next in charge of the climbing club so he came to learn more about it. not bad. that's the way lor. i think they made the right choice of teacher. sheep thinks the same too. =) hahaha just saw his email. not bad hor quite resourceful can find our email adds. haha... odac da jie jies. hahaha i shall reply to hsu da ge =) haha



















trying to act zai lol



















haha hu da ge trying to add the zai-qi haha =p

haha not bad. pretty fun. quite like bouldering somehow. hahaha... hmms. =) anyway the sheep followed me to boon keng to eat before i went off to work there. haha this is what we ended up doing...





























haha still got somemore la. i think we traumatised the pple around us by anyhow taking photos. hahaha...

hmm spent yesterday after work with eng wei at ubin lol. went cycling and as usual that guy found many new places for june camp. of which haha he can't use already since we've already handed over. too bad! lol. went over to noordin beach for his backwoodsman cooking... asked me to make a shape with the bread dough after is was kneeded and this is what it became....















lol! hahaha so yup cooked the bread there... and he cooked lunch there too. rice and curry. lol. took me by suprise though. only knew about the bread. haha anyway not bad la. quite some.. trip.. haha















back to basics. haha completely... primative. lol. but quite interesting i admit. hahas. oh well anyway i declare that ubin coconuts are much nicer than those on the mainland. no idea why. oh well. hahas. anyway we were galavanting around tampines mall before heading over to parkway and guess what...















realised he always always smiles like that. one straight line














so we tried to change it... obviously very unsuccessfully =/















yay some improvement le!















and then it failed again =/ hahaha oh well... haha but quite amused by it. hahas. hmms. going back to tj for road run cum cny carnival. can't wait. a bit lazy to run. but wanna try the new route with the others. haha oh well. yay maybe i'll get to see wei kheam with his new ahem hairstyle after he books out tonight. haha. that zoo keeper ar. hahaha... hmms. yay yay yay! teejay! =p can go disturb hsu da ge also. hahas. yay for teejay! =) realise my driving theory's super soon. sat morning and i haven't even studied. oops. can i opt for a deferrment? lol. cham. oh well never mind. i'm quite contented with the public transport sector anyway haha... =p

not bad not bad. seems like most pple did quite well for the Os. congrats =) not bad. really happy for my bro. can stay in nj on his own. don't need that appeal slot liao. it was a good suprise =) decided to go buy something to jiang li him so eng wei pei-ed me to shop around for something to buy. finally decided on that nice white and blue nike fit polo tee looking shirt. really nice and... ouch. expensive. but i guess it's worth it la. and it'd be something he'd use anyway. i bet eng wei must have died shopping with me. zhammed so many shops only to decide on something from the very first shop we stepped into. hahas. oops. ah well guess this means the As will be back pretty soon too... hmms oh well had the evil thought of missing the principal's speech again the way i did during the collection of the o level results. haha. oops.

ahh busy weekend ahead. sports climb course at climbasia tomorrow from morning till the evening followed by work night shift and then the ntu admissions talk the following day followed by work again. haha looks like i'll be going at least three days without sleep... yay congratulations to me =) i'm so gonna die.

i forsee... i forsee a busy weekend ahead and another busy week to follow =)

o levels coming out today. hope everyone does fine yeah. hopefully everyone can get into or stay in the schools of their preference. ahh sigh interview later too. seems pretty formal. wonder how that's going to go down man. realised there are some ex-ij pple who i meet only like once or twice a year at the oddest places. like at surf and sweat or at the new balance real run and things like that. hmms...

went to mag low's husband's wake yesterday. quite heartening to see what initially seemed to be never ending streams of ij girls and sji boys entering the church for the final farewell mass. many ex ij girls too. sigh second time already. back in tj my form teacher mrs tan lost her husband last year due to an unforseen circumstance as well. sigh. really sad. the family was crying so hard there came to a point that i could no longer look anymore as well. the feeling of sadness and loss was... overwhelming. jean and i followed them to mandai cremetorium. after the cremation... mrs low was crying so hard that honestly i didn't know what to do but to stand and watch from afar and to give her a hug to let her know that we're all there for her. never seen my form teacher this devestated before. sigh. wanted to say something to her but decided that maybe silence was the best thing someone could offer at that point of time. sigh really must stop by ij sometime to see how she's coping. hope she'll be able to get through this soon and carry on with life. jia you mrs low! all of ij's rooting for you.

haha omg 149442 chips. that's the number of chips my supervisor and i finished today. not including some others that we did. that's madness. no wonder the first day of proper work is driving me crazy. haha but then again it's quite fun. some mindgame harder than mindsweeeper. heh. can be highly annoying or interesting and haha somewhat analytical? but not bad la. depends at how you look at it. challenges are good. =p not bad. made friends with ppb's friend too. especially since we work in the same department and have the same breaks. =) haha eng wei's doing his first camp tomorrow! so cool. wonder what it'd be like. can't wait to do one soon too after this one month job. not too bad though since this job is three to four days a week only. yinwei is right. i should take the time to do the stuff i've always wanted to do. haha so ta da. i've been planning. hahas. yay! =p

How to Save A Life by The Fray
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life

and yes sheepie i still like slow songs. hahas.

first day of work today. very very slack. five breaks almost one hour each within a day. pro. haha. made me feel as if i was wasting my time there. then again looking on the bright side... i'm being paid to waste my time away. haha interesting. nevermind. first day only. i'm sure there's more to come tomorrow. ahh got to wake up at 4 plus. hope hope i don't over sleep! =p must not be late. luckily yuan managed to help me find someone willing to change shifts with me. if not everything that i have during this one month duration will clash dao wan. heh. at least it looks like i can have a camp or two between? looks promising =) went kayaking yesterday. changi to pulau seduku back to changi and down to pasir ris. not bad. got to admit it was really fun actually. annoying at first when travelling down to pasir ris cos the waves kept pushing my kayak to the right and no matter how much i paddle and steer my boat to the left it'd still go to the right. my dancer kayak was really dancing la swaying here and there. rarh. but the trip back was quite fun though we were kayaking opposite the current which occasionally made me wonder if we were moving. each time we stopped we'd drift back so much la. the waves were pretty strong and so was the wind against us. the rain met up with us twice too. but the big waves were fun. feels great to have the waves crashing onto my upper deck and cockpit of the kayak. thank goodness some one invented the spray skirt. lol. but it's really nice la. chionging over to ride on a huge wave and then falling down into the trough caused by the wave and at the same time crashing right through the next wave. felt good in that choppy waters. haha =p eng wei was singing his songs next to me too... made me feel so expedition-ish. and he wonders why i don't sing along. truth is that i enjoy just listening to him sing and cheer away. haha always brings the mood up =) lalala good stuff haven't had such fun in awhile. hahas... anyway wonder what's going to happen tomorrow. will finally get to find out my job scope proper. got the coat they call a smog already. and will get those white shoes that are static-less and grounds you down to the floor tomorrow. yays. early early tmr. hope it'd be interesting =)

hmm it's been awhile. went back for the oac orientation camp some time ago. haven't exactly been going back thereafter. maybe for roadrun or duthalon ba =) hmm suddenly i don't really remember how i spent my days away. shopping? catching up on all those dvds i never watched? haha.. hmm. oh caught up with jean rachel yan ling and kai qin the other day too. not bad. been quite long since i've seen ij pple. haha =) oh sent wei kheam to tekong yesterday. well sort of. until pasir ris only. haha. not bad first oacian to go in this year eh. oh the personal there was quite funny. yuan and i were asking him where the saf ferry terminal was located at cos eng wei was going to tanah merah ferry terminal. then he was like let me see the enlistment letter. oh there it's stated here it's at the saf ferry terminal. then we were like okay yup we know that. where is it located though changi? and his reply was oh it's at saf ferry terminal. champion. haha. so we decided to ask what about tanah merah ferry terminal. his reply? oh tanah merah terminal is when you go for holidays. want to go bintan go there. haha hmm oh yay there you go finally an answer. haha literally orienteered my way around clarke quay with a map as well to meet yinwei. while flipping i saw... saf ferry terminal on my map under changi. right =/ might as well have checked that instead earlier. heh. starting work on monday. a mth job. wonder what it's like. hope it leaves me enough time in between to go do some camps. can't wait. haha. chinese new year is coming. yay. should make some new year's resolutions. since i'm too late for the new year proper... i'll start with cny =) hahas. oh and yups it's true. i'm learning yoga. lol. =p hmm happy shopping! got many of the stuff i want! yay that nice nike running shorts =p and yay finally a new swim suit too. perhaps i'll go swimming tmr or something haha =) got another dry bag. a smaller one from tatonka. figure it'd come in handy when i don't require the large one. got many clothes. and yays! haha =p















haha from the new nike range...














ta da! super pretty packaging. caught me by surprise too! very cute! love me. nike loves me more. hahaha. super cute. =p love the shirt too! haha yeah! =)
















haha a random photo. finally managed to get a photo with my bio tutor on one of the trebuchet building days. haha... yay! =p

hmmm i haven't kayaked for a long long time. should i should i should i? hmmm sorry for the randomness. yay let's end with something running continuously on my phone.

Home by Michael Buble
Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Babe I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
I'm fine baby, how are you??
Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I've got to go home

Let me go home'
Cause I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
That this is not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I'm surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I've had my run
Baby, I'm done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home

great song. and yes yinwei i like slow songs =p

never felt so cheated, so betrayed before.
i feel so sorry. so sorry that i bothered to help you.
last year was just a year of bad judgement of character.
there is no trust in a friendship with someone who's completely driven by money only.
come to think of it. i don't even know you.
just some random outsider who called to ask me down for an "interview".
who requested to be my friend. why in the world did i say yes.
one of my biggest mistakes ever in 2006. since then i've hardly had any peace.
i wish i had never known you. i don't want to. stop being such a nuisance.
go on. disappear forever. gone.
bye.

hmm haven't been in a mood to update at all. quite a lot of things have been happening these few days. perhaps another time. anyway just a little something to prevent this blog from dying too fast. heh. forgot where i came across it.

Layer ONE: On the Outside
Name: Siew You Min Kimberley
Birth date: 28/08/1988
Current status: single and free
Eye colour: dark brown
Hair colour: black
Righty or lefty: righty
Zodiac sign: dragon

Layer TWO: On the Inside
Your heritage: chinese
Your fears: disruptances
Your weaknesses: i prefer to keep quiet and observe rather than to talk under normal conditions.
Your perfect pizza: keep it simple. three cheese. haha =p

Layer THREE: Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up: what's the time, who am i meeting today, what time i have to leave the house in order to not be late, how much time do i have before i need to leave
Your bedtime: varies. the morning of the next day usually. heh.
Your most missed memory: the time spent in teejaycee

Layer FOUR: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: honestly? none.
Macdonalds or Burger King: burger king
Single or group dates: haha none
Adidas or Nike: adidas cos it's more lasting
Lipton tea or Nestea: lipton
Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla
Cappucino or coffee: um isn't cappucino a subset of coffee? no?

Layer FIVE: Do you..
Smoke: no
Curse: um i try not to?
Gone to the mall: yeah definately
Been on stage: yeah
Eaten sushi: uh huh
Dyed your hair: eh nope not yet

Layer SIX: Have You Ever
Played a stripping game: please. no.
Changed who you were to fit in: no i don't really believe in that.

Layer SEVEN
Age you're hoping to be married: never gave it much thought.

Layer EIGHT: In a Girl/Guy
Best eye colour: um doesn't really matter
Best hair colour: doesn't exactly matter either

Layer NINE: What Were You Doing?
1 minute ago: looking at the dancing cows sheepie put in our msn conversation
1hour ago: reading the junior college love story thing. it's not too bad actually.
1.5 hours ago: still reading the story
1 month ago: hmm before the bangkok trip. i think i was going out with friends? yup.
1 year ago: with oac organising the oac orientation camp for the year ones.

Layer TEN: Finish the Sentence
I love: teejayceee =p
I feel: like i'm wasting my time away and that i need to start working.
I hate: feeling so aimless.
I hide: my feelings most of the time.
I miss: life as a student.

Layer ELEVEN:Tag 5 people anyone who's bored.

hmm been spending everyday of the new year back in tj. guess it's quite nice to be in such um familiar territory. finally a successful launch from the trebuchet yesterday. yay! after so many days. hmm...














breaking all the rules with my zookeeper.
















at vivo after visiting the cafe sheepie's working at




















that crazily heavy counterweight. lol















the trebuchet.






















call it um artistic freedom. lol.














a photo i came across today. on our handover day... rach and i were trying to make it looked as if our heads got chopped off by the board our juniors made for us. obviously failed i realise. haha. quite miss those times.

orientation night was not too bad. ended pretty early though. but the skits put up by the ogs were pretty good. orientation video was done pretty nicely too. and haha yes i like the new beta cheers! rarh rarh rarh! nice missed mass dance so much. realised how much i forgot. and how much the mass dances feel like workouts as a whole. ahh i'm becoming more enthu only after leaving the school. this is so sad. oh well. pretty good seeing the tutors around too. as well as our batch people. just a little sad each day i walk out those gates... it's like leaving all over again. but then again. i already left in a way. sighs. anyway yes i really need to start getting a job soon now that orientation and the building of the trebuchet is more or less over. hmm probably going back for the oac orientation camp next week though. that's good. pretty touched by a message i got from indra on the first day of orientation early in the morning. hei, now is my turn o-ing the y1s... u hope i do a gd job like u did. =) ahh he rocks. his msgs never fail to reassure me that i wasn't completely wrong in the way i spent my time in jc... always busy doing things other than studying. ahh nice junior =) arief too thanking us for coming down for o night. honestly he did a great job of the orientation. =)

Your Scholastic Strength Is Evaluating

You are great at looking at many details and putting them all together.You are talented at detecting subtle trends, accuracy, and managing change. You should major in: StatisticsSpeechConflict studiesCommunicationFinanceMedicine

something random i came across earlier. ahh i need to do something productive soon. i feel a bit like... like i'm wasting my time away. sigh.

sigh it's only the second day of the new year. feeling really unhappy already. ahh somehow... i feel like crying. but i don't know why. such a weird feeling. sigh. help... =(

happy new year. 2007 already. look how time just seems to pass me by. seems like just yesterday that i was still schooling. seems like we were still planning for events. seems like... sigh. been going back to tj the last few days of the year. waking up early spending the day up till evening in school going out only for lunch. feels so familiar. feels good. miss it so much. guess i really learnt to love that place a lot. ahh like what the security guard in tj was telling us. we're still considered students until the last day of the year. and ahh it's over =( just happened to look at the list of upcoming events. last year's. was about to delete it. just realised how quickly it all went by. if only we could turn back time. =( sigh. wonder what this year will bring. many things i want to do this year. hopefully i'll get down to it soon =)

haha i'm back =) merry christmas to all!
time passes so quickly. it's christmas already. the thailand trip was quite fun. finally managed to try parasailing. fun fun want to do it again. oh but the boat ride to the parasailing area was even better. high adrenaline rush. fun. hahaha... went um biking on coral island too... first time being to the weekend market too. huge huge market. interesting. randomly typing out some of the events. haha ferris wheel-ed at the night bazzar. ooh paddled at lumpini park. haha eng wei brought me so close to the komododragons la. so scary! 6 of us fitting into a single tuktuk to get back to the hotel. nice big wonderful hotel that feels like antarctica at night-so so cold. first time taking a bus ride in thailand. yuan and i declared that middle priced food is usually the nicest. eng wei didn't get to try his fried crickets. haha late le super tired. a few random photos and yay it's bed time. haha














yuan and i on the plane




















me, sze sian, yuan outside the airport





























sunglasses on a tuk tuk. haha




















us and the ferris wheel














the ferris wheel trip that became our photo taking trip















eng wei and i















wei kheam and i















gew and i on a super long van ride. haha.














um. sunset at pattaya














with eng wei at chatuchak














sze sian and i on the train















wai kit, li yuan and i at the airport =)

haha this is taking too long. good nighttt haha =p

haven't been updating i realise. leaving in about 7 hours time with the oacians to thailand. going to bangkok and pattaya. i'll be back on the evening of christmas eve. pardon me for the sudden lack of enthusiam. can't stand packing up for trips. heh. gew's birthday today. boy is he so dead. muahaha... kidding. till then... cya

hellos =) yay! i have finally decided to update. haha. one day before grad night i was whining that i didnt' have a camera. on the grad day afternoon i got a phone call from my dad to tell me that he bought me a camera. was so so stunned la. anyway it's really nice though it's pink. the panasonic lumex. nice nice =) can use it to take photos when i return to tj months later. if i'm in the mood to at that time that is. haha. =)










the sheep and i did our hair and all at reds because we obviously didn't know how to do it ourselves. don't know but i didn't really like it? oops. OH and haha no one's going to believe this cos it's really unbelieveable but yes it's true. i did my nails at bugis. lol. hey the flowers are really pretty k. =)














haha fullerton from outside looked a bit... hmms... but inside. wow. nice. oh it looks good at night too. haha =p anyway the ball room looked great! so had to take a photo of it. seriously if i get married... i SO want to have my wedding in the future there. lol.














anyway fullerton's food was superb. i like i like =) and their chocolates were nice too. haha... yay fullerton has gooodddd food! =) too bad i didn't take photos of them. haha =p

some random photos! =p














with the smartest guy in tj and my pw group leader =)















leaving the ballroom. haha. even the staircase looks so nice la. =)















oac with the frog! =)















oac =) gew is wearing formal clothes! hahaha...

anyway we went to attica to support nick for the after prom party... and yes in and out without touching alcohol. i win. heh. haha kidding. i declared that clubbing is totally not my thing. don't know what people see in it. at times it kind of gave me an image of a couple of hundred of people on estacy. a little scary. smoky crowded noisy nah i don't like this kind of thing. really sorry but i find no joy in clubbing whatsoever. just doing it for the sake of doing it cos we were already inside. oh and poor gew got bounced out la. just a few days short of his birthday. good experience though. at least we know what clubbing is like? yup. but it's not something i'd fancy. interesting experience interesting experience.

oh a pic from the generation bbq? thanks to ain =p














it's very late. shall end off here =) ciao!

haha nice nice. had our generation bbq today. the turn out was ummm... haha make a guess. yups. anyway yes we met two of our 1999 hc seniors. the house captain and sports captain. super cool. glad to see them. we just sat there and talked and talked. even got career advice from them. lol. quite interesting to realise how much tj has changed over the years. and yup the different environments brought about by the different universities. true. smu probably does not suit tjcians... because of the way we are brought up. haha =p kind of agree on a lot of things actually. they said that most tjcians become teachers. which is probably true. because of the way we are taught. haha like the way they put it... hardworking dilligent nice and all. so tjcian. we don't really suit the dog eat dog world cos yeah most probably we won't want to compete with others because muahaha we're too nice to do that. =p but kind of true. i don't know why but i keep thinking nowadays that i might want to go into teaching? something i never thought of before. was never part of my options. but after seeing how much of a difference teachers can make to student's lifes... well you got to admit... it's pretty inspirational. the seniors are right. it's the teachers. anyway i learnt something else new! biomedical science is probably not what i want. haha it's cell and molecular biology. realised that from one of the seniors who did life sciences in nus. hey don't be shocked that i want to carry on biology. realised quite a few pple are. like asking me why not business why not accountancy. i guess at the end of the day you have to enjoy what you're doing? yups. anyway good i'll probably still want to do life sciences? see how. but to teach in a jc in the future need honours. so yups yups. see how. very insightful day. realised a lot. learnt a lot. niceee to see seniors from so many batches in front. yay =) i am happy. haha =)

it's over. sigh. i'm really sorry but i'm more sad than happy that it's over. felt so saddened yesterday when i was thinking of how it was going to end today. today, it's a reality. guess there was a little sense of nostalgia when it all ended. last day of being a tjcian. no more school uniform. no more tutorials. no more consultations with tutors. no more routine lifestyle. nothing. somehow i wished the As never had to come to an end. didn't want to walk out that gate. omg. just like that two years had passed me by. honestly i have quite a lot of regrets. why didn't i treasure tj more when i was in it. only liked it a lot after handing over everything. when the studying times began. why did i let my tutors down for so long. suddenly i feel that it's so unfair. my studies never made it to my top priority. it was always something else. all the time i never realised that my actions had consequences on so many other people. i guess when i look back, i think for the first one and a half years i failed as a student. it was only the build up to prelims that i started wondering... what in the world i had been doing the past one and a half years not studying when obviously when you're a student in a school, the main purpose is for studies. but i'm lucky. lucky to have tutors who went all the way for me. they were more concerned for me than i was for myself. i really don't think i deserved such great tutors. i only wished i hadn't failed them or worried them for such a long period of time. if only... if only i had a chance to turn that around.

realised that my tutors really became my source of intrinsic motivation for the As whenever i felt as if that's it no matter what i do it isn't going to work. i never wanted to fail them again. wanted quite badly to make this my last chance to make it up to them with my As work. though i know that i'll never be able to make it up to them fully. sigh. but it was better than none. guess it's a bit weird to say this but yes i like the routine lifestyle of the As. the everyday wake up eat read the newspapers attempt to study go back to sleep wake up eat attempt to study again eat another attempt at studying sleep and then it's the next day (slack away time which constitutes majority of the time spent it obviously not included) . somewhat routine. pretty nice and slack. really glad to put on the tj uni before heading to sch for the examinations. i am so lucky to have gotten into this school by chance.

anyway after the bio paper i was so excited heading to the staffroom. really really felt like talking to my bio tutor. hadn't seen her since the As started. at least i saw mr ho during the As la. and when i got there i realised that my bio tutor was not in school. super super sad. ahh help. i'm so glad we've to go back on the 29th to collect our testimonials. if not i'd probably die from the tj-withdrawal symptoms or something. i guess at least i learnt to treasure things more and not to take anything for granted yeah. sigh.















looked so sad before the chem paper. suddenly so empty... suddenly so....















and they said time flies. it couldn't be more true















last official day of school with our ct. i love that green uniform

random pictures. you know... i really would beg if i could have just one more day in my class to have tutorials with my tutorials completely done, to be paying attention for all the lectures and to be talking to my tutors still as a student. haha i'm so sorry i think half the world would probably be thinking i've gone mad by now. tj withdrawal symptoms. anyway i really miss my notes already. especially my bio notes. omg. sigh. tj was great. the tutors the pple the environment. ahh okay okay i'll be back to tj in 5 days time... 5 days... can't wait. sense my excitement? haha okay i'm really nuts already -abrupt ending-

one more week... one more week to rendezvous with my dear bio. pretty nice to start and end the as proper with bio i guess. need to spend some private time with my dear bio option... it's a race against time to monday. and i'm losing. no no. i promised before never to give up. and i won't. cannot cannot let it go wrong. yups. don't know if it's a good thing to end the As but yeah. till next thursday... i've got a special date with biology =)

sigh two days to the start of the As. starting with gp suddenly seems like such a nightmare especially when i haven't done anything to prepare for it as of yet. i barely have a day from now. don't really think it's going to be much of a help. please tell me gp is not important. sigh no content how to write. sigh. nevermind. just make sure it's a b can already. i realised last year's ppr i could only write about tourism cos we touched on that in secondary sch geog. sigh. this is so sad. okay nevermind. i don't think gp will mean that much yeah. -tries hard to convince myself-
sigh this is bad. i think i sleep for more hours than i'm awake for. haha die. a bit worried cos haven't exactly finished revision for any subject? first week is hell. bio clashes with math next day chem ppr 3 following day math again. really worried that bio ppr 2'd kill me off again. cannot cannot. really need bio this time round. quite reassuring the reassurances for bio and math but haha i still think i'm going to die in there. sigh. no idea about chem. cham. nevermind. must have xin xin le. now that it's really here cannot let anyone down. must jiayou le. sigh. see you all on the 23rd!

sigh. what happened to my two weeks? i'm still moving slower than pre-prelim period. why am i so slack. =( 7 days 7 days i'm so unprepared. cannot liddat. must make use of that 7 days.

oh anyway i saw this mum and sister i think. pushing the pram with the child inside trying to jaywalk across the road. hello the traffic lights is not even 20metres away can. it's not like it's an empty pram. there's a kid inside la. fine.

oh was in school going to leave after gp. so happened i looked up and haha saw my bio tutor on the second level. think she was going to go to the lt with the other bio tutors. she seemed pretty happy. and somehow the happiness translated over to me. haha suddenly made me realise how much a smile can change the day for the people around. haha must smile more. =)=)=) hahaha...

okay very no link today. seven days. i need to jiayou =)

sigh. really sad day.
feel as if i let somebody down today.
mixed up everything i'm supposed to have already known.
felt the diasppointment.
guess i take it kinda hard cos that's one person i respect a lot and promised before never to gu fu ta.
sigh. nevertheless that person still kept encouraging me.
but i just feel that i let that person down a lot.
this will not happen again. i promise.
i won't gu fu that person dui wo de qi wang.
i musn't

sigh you know if there was a sleeping marathon... i'd win. =(
i need to focus!
exactly two weeks left!
help!!!
sigh...

i guess today officially marks the end.
but in a way i suppose there isn't such a thing as an end. cos once a tjcian, always a tjcian =)
guess today's farewell concert and sports appreciation ceremony were more of for um enjoyment purposes for me. though yes i felt pretty sad having to leave the school... but i promised myself that no matter what i'll leave with a smile.

today i can honestly say, coming to tj was the best mistake i've ever made. for those who don't already know... tj was a mistake. i only got here because i played around with my choices during the pae. honestly tj was never one of my options. like come on i didn't even know where it was, neither did i have an idea of what the school looked like. all i remembered knowing was that tj had this funny green coloured uniform and ummm mass swimming. still remember all the ij pple were so omg-ed by that. haha but today... the green uniform's something i've grown really attached to and mass swimming was the best kind of pe possible. haha =p

looking back... haha i've come a long way man. i've learnt a lot and the experiences i've gotten from tj... invaluable. from the first day... when i came in not knowing anyone and haha getting lost looking for tj- can't believe that happened. hey i was really near tj.. but somehow the pple around didn't seem to know where in the world tj was... and anyhow picking a bus to board-luckly it was the right bus. still remember blaming myself for playing around with my choices after that and being so apprehensive and can't be bothered with orientation and all cos i had the mindset that i made a wrong move and i'm going to get out within three months. but nevertheless, i was in a great scg. all the funny things we did together... like the mass ponning of pw tutorials and all except for five of us mass dropping econs before the second lecture test and then going for breakfast together instead. haha... and my pdp mates... the greatest. by the end of the first three months could barely decide whether to stay or to leave. i'm glad that at the end of the day i chose to stay.

struggles. sure i've had my fair share of them. or maybe even more than that-haha. having to cope with injury-disasterous haha. juggling so many commitments and my studies was really demanding. still remember being super stretched all the time. from the proposals to the planning to the excutions of the various events. not easy especially when events clashed. the one time when i got super stressed was the after getting hospitalised period. right when i got back... was juggling the preparations for the major housefunction, track and field meet, the titans trainings, the orienteering propsals haha especially that food orienteering one and the don't know how many thousand worded science council report for the singapore youth science fair -shrugs- no choice cos i was heading the ntu research project... all within a week. thinking back. that was really crazy. was like wanted here there and everywhere. nuts. totally nuts. but i couldn't say anything. cos i believed that that was a choice i made. academically it's been a nightmare. haha like i don't even have enough time to do my tutorials la. by the time i get home at 10 11 plus. cmi already. haha but luckly i've tutors who never at any point of time stopped believing in me. for that i'm really thankful.

i guess it's this kind of thing that made me a much stronger person that before in some ways. i suppose i've changed a lot since i got to tj. stronger because i've learnt what it is like to fall... what it's like to fail... to struggle... and to get to a point where i could break down at any point of time. something i never experienced back in ij. i never knew what it was like to not get what i want. i guess this inculcated in me resiliance and that never say die attitude- although yeah i still will say it la. just that mentally when the time comes... nah. guess my attitude and outlook to things changed quite a fair bit too. especially being in such a good class... haha fine i admit i kind of the developed that say whatever you want about me it's not going to affect me kind of attitude. if you wanna say then go right ahead lor. i won't be bothered by it. haha that's why even if there's someone. ahem. yup that says right into my face that my grades are horrible and that's a normal thing. i'll always seem indifferent to it. -smiles- i'll never react so that i will never give you the satisifaction of knowing that whatever you say affected me. muahaha... but i suppose i've become a lot more withdrawn and quiet. honestly. all the stupid things i used to do in ij. no more. kind of think it's because of my perpetually failing grades. kind of makes me unsure of whether i'm correct. makes me quite doubtful of myself at times. haha... hmm being in tj made me more confident too -grins- though i'd rather not show it. but if you were to force a mike into my hands and force me to say sth to um the pple around. i guess i've already gotten over that fear. =) haha quieter... oh well. most of the time i choose not to say stuff. but muahaha i do know what's going on k. rarh. haha. after the As after the As. when there's no more struggle with my studies. muahaha... ke yi feng diao le =)

experiences. the people i've met in tj. so so different from ij. learnt a lot a lot during my time here. from the planning and excuting of events... to the bare basics of just working with pple. learnt super a lot. the kind of people i work better with or how to handle pple or situations. great insights. the various sporting events, house functions, expeditions, duathlon, camps and all... haha so many memories that i'll take back with me as i leave the college. yay and the pple i met here are the best. all the oacians, hc pple, my class, the seniors and juniors, the tutors! haha and even the science council and ntu professors. -grins- i couldn't be more thankful to have had all these pple as an integral part of my life from which i've had a smashing time with =) oh yes. i like my class. haha so funky la. the things we've been doing these past few days. haha i think we're the funniest most entertaining class ever. if only everyday was like these few days. haha. i think those pple we pulled into the classroom to take photos for us all rolled out laughing. seriously we do the most unexpected things. lol. crazy. super funny. good training for abs. lol =p

i swear the tutors in tj are amazing. really. i mean like they're so decicated and caring that haha it even surprised me at first. even needed some time to adjust to it la. amazing. haha like mw said today's the start of the mugging days le. and honestly once i start mugging. haha... well honestly it's not so much cos i want to get into a course or anything. i'm just really don't want to dui bu qi my tutors. through thick and thin they've been there for me. even like this year when i failed the jcts so horribly... they never gave up... constantly reassuring me that i should still do my best in my pdps and after i handover they'd always be there to help me get back up. honestly i can't think of a time that they were't there. whether it was for consultation or just to talk about how i feel or how i'm coping... they're really great tutors. and i've been so lucky to be under their care. really really don't want to dui bu qi them for the final exam. want to come back next year smiling away and thinking them and giving them the good news. haha such a short time left. i really don't know if that day'd ever come. sigh. but i have to try =)

sigh i just realised i've spent more than two hours typing all this. going to be midnight soon already. oh well. sigh. oh today's concert was cute. the emcees are good. haha. yimin broke the audi table while trying to hit the balloon. ahahha super entertaining la. i think we're really a crazy class. hahaha... the photo presentation was pretty short but nice. haha i did a stupid thing. i counted the number of photos i got caught in to amuse myself. nine leh. not bad. high proportion lor. lol =p haha really self amusement already. oops. sigh suddenly had a thought. i wonder if i'd ever get to see most of my classmates again after the As. cos most are scholars ma. so will leave s'pore de. sigh. nevermind. treasure the times then i suppose =)

yay i love tj la. i guess if i was given another choice to choose which school i'd want to be in... i'd choose tj again. =) love my classmates, the friends i've made, my pdp mates and yay! my tutors! woo hoo~~ i'm so going to miss this place

for college, for nation
passion, purpose, drive =)=)=)

haha realised i haven't been online for like four days. not bad. but haha i wish it was cos i was studying. apparently not. it's cos i've been sleeping right through when i get home all the way until the next day. this is so bad. i'm spending more time sleeping than studying. =( die. sigh. oh well. realised i've been doing a lot of non-study base things... like mandy's birthday celebration. being an unofficial tour guide at the tj open house. thanks to someone. oh well. i'm really still moving even slower than before the prelims. how how how =(=(=( sigh mrs ng is right. i need to focus. =(

-grins- first day of studying. haha okay fine not really. was more like trying to complete my homework which i still haven't... buttt... hey it's a good attempt yeah. haha. so much for all the super sleeping-the-whole-day-away days these weeks. horrible la. today was better. so now i know... the solution to not sleeping the days away is to force yourself to sit in the library... surely will do a bit of stuff de. =) haha oh fine. tuesday already. not much time left yeah. day one... yay... i don't know if i'm too late but wth... it's better than nothing yeah... yay! sounding pretty happy cos for once i can feel less stressed that i'm not studying. muahaha... need to get back to the prelim speed soon though. this is far from it =(=(=(

this is just day one =) come on man i'm looking forward to it. lol. stay optimistic =)

this is so bad. i swear i'm not even studying as much as i did for prelims. nooo... sigh but at least there's a little improvement. i actually started yesterday for like 3-4 hrs? with mr gew in the library. but i realised sth. once i reach home i'll just sleep right through... till the next day. rarh. today as well! went home... happily slept the entire day away in the end. champion. fine. i shall try to go study in the library after sch in the future. haha. results out le. three a level passes for once. but i guess... barely there? need to do something. i know less now then what i knew for the prelims. forgotten almost everything. not good. sigh. oh sigh our class is first for gp again. mrs lee was really nice to have rewarded us with all those goodies. but sadly i didn't feel that i deserved it. since i stepped into tj... i've fallen from one of those not too bad for gp people right to the bottom of the class. serious. and it's not like the cohort ranking helps either. this is terrible. never had to worry much about gp. now i do. ahh my english cannot make it. i'm on the brink of failing. it just gets worse and worse each time. sigh.

oh zhong qiu jie. kind of miss the celebrations we had back in ij... the lanterns, candles, the mooncake thing and the cai the mi yus hung on the lanterns thing. sigh oh well. anyway jean reminded me of graduation day coming. sigh. yes. it's true. i don't want to leave tj. damn.

omg. i'm so slack that i'm scaring myself. i'm worried that i'm not being worried enough to sit down and study proper. ironic isn't it. in a sort of oh-so-desperate measure, was just sitting here thinking of how in the world i should be trying to motivate myself at this point of time to study. then the question came to my mind. how do i want to remember my life in tj when i look back in the future? remember it for all the different activities? or for failing consistantly academically? =( at the same time by doing this i'm letting so many people down. how can i? sometimes people say that it's okay cos as long as you pass in tj.. should be okay for the As. but sometimes i just wonder how big the difference is. somehow i don't believe the difference it big. i don't believe it's very big at all. sigh i'm faring worse in the post prelim time than pre prelim time. how is this possible. not good. not good at all. please do something about it. =( today i shall have to start properly no matter what.

very random thing. omg. gew is killing worms now. =( loading them in cannons and firing them with them flying at an initial speed of 20ms-1 and ramming into a wall of 8m. now he's calculating the angle he should fire the worm with for it to hit the wall with a maximum ke. omg. ewww... =( oh. hahaha i nearly died when the bio lecturer asked us to picture the image of a worm in our minds today in relation to the prelim qn that had the lugworm in it. instead of thinking of how the lugworm takes in oxygen and how their haemoglobin's affinity for oxygen would be like... i was imagining all sort of things la... -like gew drowning the worms or exploding them or firing them. omg. such gross and horrible thoughts. yuck yuck yuck... =( -thinks mental torture- haha. yuck. omg the maggots thing is so sick. gew is traumatising my life. hahahaha. oh man... gross gross gross!

Sigh and the clock turns twelve
Exactly a month left from here.
and it marks the end of the 9th day of slacking. this is so bad. good rest but too long seriously. =(
i guess i really don't know what to say. how time flies
prelims weren't all that great. but i guess i have to move on from there.
like someone once told me- time is scarce. that's the challenge. how very true.
i can't keep procrastinating all the time.
oh no. okay fine. not going to blog until grad day. which is soon. ke yi de k. it's not that long a period of time. online yar probably. but don't blog k.
i need to start things going. ummm find the momentum. sigh.
come on. start go go go... don't ever stop thereafter.

suddenly remembered a poem our vp mr liu once read to us during our prelims...

IF by Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

yes. i can.

arggh. fine. i'm really tired of this. everyday i'm put into all these situations. what do you want me to do? all the time i end up making decisions for everything. honestly. i hate making decisions too. but i'm always forced to. even simple things like going to eat. the normal scenerio in the car would be like dad cold war with mum mum cold war with dad. there's so much tension. then there goes the question where do you all want to go to eat. decisions need to be made faster cos already driving need to know where to head to next. -looks around- no one's answering. dad looks out of the window pissed. mum's annoyed. bros decide that the games on their phones are much more interesting. so no choice give an answer before the situtation escalates as usual. occasionally nah too far later bros have to travel down there to eat then go back up to go home. fine then they should make the decision as to where to go next. but no. simple thing like saying one to words to even answer no they find it such a difficult undoable task. so silence prevails again. until second irritated question as to where to go. obviously the tension in the car is going to explode soon but no. they still decide the games are more interesting. rather not say a single word. so annoying. so there it goes. i've to make split second decisions again. then after getting there. lets say maybe the place changed a little. not as nice as before... it's my fault for choosing such a place. i mean like wth. you were useless enough not to even be able to make simple decisions until others have to make it for you and you still want to complain. seriously i've never seen such un-opinionated people who cannot even make a single decision for themselves. even for simple things like that. i call that pathetic.
you all always say... just take care of your area- academics. we'll take care of everything else. but no. everyday i have to make so many decisions even for the most trivialous matters. when you all start cold war-ing each other. i'm always entrenched in the middle. i've to act as the communication point. the decision making point. the try to ease tensions terminal. all the different roles possible. do you think it's easy. having to consistantly judge the situation and think and decide what the best next possible move is all the time? it's really tiring. at school i face so much pressure for underperforming in such a good class. at home it's from the household. where do you want me to go then? most of the time i end up so tired from everything that i hardly even have the mood energy or time left to channel into my studies. when i don't do well... it's entirely my fault and it's for me to find out how to solve everything on my own as usual. always getting blamed. yes i admit it's partially my fault that i failed to prioritise well. but do you really think that everything that's happening around me never affects me? if i walk past you or something and fail to say hi i'm really sorry it's either i really didn't see you or my mind is somewhere else.
sigh i live in a complicated world. why can't things just be more simple. more handable. i just don't say anything. sigh saying any of this is not going to help. but hey i'm not some super human. i'm still a 18 year old human. i don't know what to do yet i know what to do when the time comes. sigh. what irony.