hmm. okay. been awhile. time really flies. near the end of the month already. so so fast. sigh. hmm. had triathlon just the other day. not bad. nicer than the biathlon. haha. i really don't swim fast. time to train liao. i should. hardly ever swim in my life. haha. doc said swimming's better the the knees. lol. =) right. haha. not bad la. quite fun. haha. eh had intrahouse thing also. mmm. not the best but we tried. haha. limited resources ma. so relativelt not bad already. haha. a lot of arp. haha. yeah seriously a lot. hmm. oh nafta. haha. 2.4... haha. cham ar. ended up walking in the end. hahaha. timing not say very good la. but mmm. in this context a can already right. realised knee really cmi loh. don't know why. oh well. 5 items.. not bad la. shuttle run 10+ sec. not bad liao. sit and reach super la. first time in my life touch 50. just nice. heng ar. hahaha. so got the thirty points. =) something that makes me feel alright. =D especially after all the rubbished injury stuff. =( oh well. yeah. hmm. been passing math. i'm impressed. haha. oh well. ahaha. hmm. teachers day celebration tmr. probably going to cj in the evening. haha. yeah. mmm. a lot of stuff ba.. haha. new balance real run coming liao! excited right! haha. =) same. but don't know whether i'll run. hmm. yeah. depends ba i suppose. see how. haha. why am i being so random today? haha. weird... mmm

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't

How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

hmm. been quite a while la. parents teacher dialogue... having to see the vp and all. realise that mmm quite bad la. academics and everything. have to put in more effort le. no choice. yups. today not too bad la. passed math lect test. the differentiation one. 16/25. impressive. expected to fail. haha. but today's chem lect test. think that one really will fail la. haha. super cham that one. oh well. nevermind. i shall pass next week's physics test yes? haha. =) er. gtg le. got stuff to do. haha.

hmm. handover day last week was pretty memorable though most of the stuff i didn't really do. the running... the log obstacles... the pushups to make up the pledge of which i ended up doing sit ups? and the holding in push up position to finish up the other part of the stuff. and the oac statement. whoa. then yups. got what i wanted.. land. =) rocks. haha. yups yups. had some sort of review thing for our year plan. busyyy... mmm. but not bad la. i like. haha. pft coming up soon. shit. my running howww.. later deprove like siao. last year already deprove to 12mins le for the 2.4... ahh. this year i think will be even more cham la. haiz. nevermind. some interhouse soccer competition coming up soon also. yups. shit. i'm being super random today. mmm. jct results out also. mmm. failed loh. nothing much to say. brought it upon myself basically. yups. oh well. sigh. been sick the entire weekend already la. siannn. haiz. need to start doing my tutorials consistantly. must at least put in some form of effort. haiz. sighhh. and must pia for the promos soon already.. sigh. with my this kind of grades.. no choice le. -whines- sighhh

hc investiture today. sigh. super sad to see the senior house comm step down. sighhh. didn't really feel like going up also somehow. feel as if... haiz. dunno la. nevermind. sigh. angie pinned the badge on for me de. yups. not bad la the badge. quite nice looking i suppose. but hopefully can uphold it loh. and hopefully still in oac when the time comes? sigh. pple getting jct results back le. keep hearing pple fail only. they seem more consistant than me de la. cham liao. i think i fail jct le. sighhh. met the scico teacher halfway during civics also. wants to extend the project and put me in charge. don't really know what to say. sigh. i a bit the planning to quit hor once the project ends. see how ba. if really drag so long then maybe forget it loh. haiz. mmm. oac today also. mmm. very long never really do pt le. yups. can get past jacobs ladder le. i suprised. but never do monkey bars. lucky. or else i cham liao. must zi ji go train that ba. sigh. oh well. so many things so little time. wonder if a week later after the jct results are out.. whether my life will ever be the same again. or will it become...obsolete. sighhh

finally it's over. whoa. jct.. siao one. oh well. now got to brace myself for the results. sigh. hopefully can pass though i seem to doubt i'd be able to. sighhh. crap. nevermind. hmm. finally done with the kayaking kraze proposal. so super short of time la that one. seriously. hmm. hc investiture tmr. scary. oh well. somehow got this funny feeling that i don't really want to go for it. mmm. oh well. went night cycling yesterday also. not bad. quite fun. just tiring. haha. but it suddenly made me realise how much oac means to me. sigh. quite late but... yeah. oh well. hmm. bbq not bad also. lalala. the truth or dare thing damn funny. and gross also. hahaha. oh well. new balance real run's on my birthday leh. so cool can. i SO have to join it i don't care. -grins- oh well. schedule seems so freaking packed nowadays. sigh.. see how ba. must pass jct.. sighhh. if i fail, the consequence is too dreadful to contemplate. sigh

really changed to much within such a short period of time? omg. okay. was telling me that he noticed big changes in me from the o level that time and now. now i seem to blank off a lot.. always so tired. and totally no confidence le. last time still got and knew my work also. now... hmm. yeah. somehow i think it's true. and i let it happen.. =/ haiz. told me that must start planning le. cannot become so panicky or else... chaos le. haha. plan to pass a few subjects first.. regain a bit of confidence then continue working on the rest of the subjects. like that then won't be so cham later on in the year when the promos come. shall listen. think he's quite right. said that he's quite shocked.. never seen me in this kind of state before. and if he notices such stuff about me means quite cham le.. oh well. means i really quite cham le hor. haiz. nevermind. shall head his advice ba. concentrate on a few subjects first. haiz. chem and what? the rest all chao ji lan. i want bio. but first three mths never take so a bit hard. but still possible right? considering i'm doing better in it then in physics. then math can be my backup or something. hahaha. you never know. haiz. a few more days to jct only... die la. must pass somehow. haiz... must try...

hmm. everything seems to move so fast. eh... whole day was spent at ps... early morning with oac. later on with hc. hmms. oac de. starbucks. yeah. we all know what it was about la. no need to elaborate. oh well. then the rest of the year ones went to base camp.. wonder what it's like there. hahahaha. just kidding. it's a shop. haha. oops. didn't make much sense. nevermind. haha. yeah. had jts after that. not bad la. just like almost everyone was late. nothing much hor. haha. suddenly wondered why i was so on time. hahaha. damn. oh well. haha. later disappeared with aijia cos i needed to buy my gifts. can't just go empty handed right. would feel so the super evil. haha. so yups. went to meet them at fish and co. were told that ain shin fei and shi min went to look for us. felt so bad la. then realised that it was because someone there also needed to buy a gift. haha. so funny. oh well. yeah. fish and co not bad la. but the portions are like sooo huge. really unfinishable de. haha. went to take neoprints after that... quite funny. at the last part we ended up standing there and using a camera to take pics of the would-be neoprint shots. a bit cheepo but it's smartttt. hahaha. =) fun la. but i still dislike taking neoprints. haha. oops. then we all went to watch mr and mrs smith. boring la. a bit the no real climax de the show. haha. met miss ang and sam there also. hmm. then we went to macs.. for err ice cream. haha. yeah. that's about it. yups. ahaha

wahahaha. finally... got some stuff straight. finally got my stuff prioritised. finally got everything in place. some great relief. haha. rocks. whee. seriously feels great. don't know why. maybe cos this problems lasted too long le. hahahahaha. rachael rocks. wahaha. oooh. big thanks yet again! haha. oh well. had so much fun also. hahaha. kena scared by all the doggies wondering around j8. haha. mutilated the chicken burger. hahahahahaha. wa.. later soon i become vegetarian le. hahahaha. i'm high. whee. kim's back? dunno. lalalala. hahaha. =) just happy for once. just on a high. haha

sighhh. suddenly i feel so lost as to what to feel. what i want. what i think i can cope with. suddenly i really don't know anything. like no opinion. i really don't know. i feel so weird like going to school today. still feeling so bad as to having to leave the camp on the camp on the first day. so much happened. when they talk i feel so.. distanced. then when they do like "pt" or something... i feel so weird standing or sitting aside watching them. i wanna do it with them too... sucks la.

evaluation was crap la. was already feeling so super luan when i walked in. felt so unfocused. was like they ask questions that time... was trying to keep my focus there for awhile. but then once the sentance ends.. my mind'd be somewhere else already. then i'll end up slowly trying to pull myself back. but then after one or two words.. gone again. so many questions on commitments. expected ba. but seriously couldn't choose. when hc came to mind.. somehow my answer is hc. when oac's in my mind.. the answer'd be oac. honestly i didn't really know what i was answering either la for the commitments thing. don't know... just remember wanting to get out of there asap...

teachers talked to me after that. wanted to know how i am.. and again.. the oac and hc thing. and my studies. seems like they all know le. yeah. wanted me to make a choice between them for my own good. yups. but somehow i really couldn't decide. yeah they're correct that it's up to me to make sure that i don't regret the decision i make. but.. i just don't know.was like how many subjects are you confident of getting more than 40% in.. nearly couldn't answer. said chem though i'm not confident of it.. workable ba.. but one out of four subjects.. haha. a bit the still fail big time ba. managed to find time to think about it ba. by choosing to make my decision after the jcts. see whether my studies can be.. salvaged? sigh i figure i need a lot more than passes for jct le. a bit hard. first trip sci sucks. second i really didn't take it during the first three months. third i'm lagging behind big time from the first day of school during the first three months. that's a lot la. but if i don't give it a try i'll never know right? must strive to make the jct a good outing ba. yeah. then at least i can convince myself of something. right now... i can't even convince myself. how to go about convincing someone else?

so now it's jct jct jct ba. must at least pass it la. though i get this feeling the papers are going to be damn hard. actually.. no la. i'm SURE it's super hard.. but must pass.. seriously.. then i'll make my decision... jct first. sighhh. just thinking about what someone said also. said that during first three mths at least i seemed quite happy.. still got hear from me de. then after first three mths.. totally quiet and everyday all don't exactly happy de... really meh? i changed so much? sighh. i don't know. nevermind.. jct first.. sighhh

early ride home from june camp. knee seriously something wrong. yeah just about sums up my june camp? haha. just a few rounds of the track and then the 7km run and a few jumping jacks equals jiao cannot take it le. didn't realise that that would spell the end of june camp for me ba. thought still can take a bit more but realised i was wrong? haiz. now walking first. hope can walk properly soon ba. oh well. haha. if i had known.. i die die will do titans de. haha. oh welll.. nevermind. it's over le. now just wish the rest of the team the best for all their remaining days of camp ba. =)

hmm. tower training the day before? not bad la. got to absail. scary at first. still is.. but not that bad.. quite shuang actually. haha. yups.

hmm. day before that was hc camp. not that bad la. a lot better than expected. got night hike around changi there to mostly abandoned areas. quite fun... especially when there're people who are scared around you. lalala. oops. haha. shinfei very funny. haha. =) nice la. it's good to have gone with her and everyone else around. yeap. got urban hike also right. yeah. around tampines pasir ris around there. yups. our motivation was no 800 push ups. 500 also better. so chiong ah.. haha. quite funny. yeah anyway still ended 500 push ups but not bad la. at least we did it as a team yeah. sea games were fun. i like the sea water! =) i'm crazy. hc camp not bad la. still got bbq de. haha. not bad. oh got my sports cap also. lalala. only bern and me didn't run for exco positions.. someone asked me to run for vice capt under sports. oh well. but it's what you want and what you believe you can handle that's more important right? or so i hope... so yeap. =)

oh yeah i never knew i was carry-able until these few days. got carried during both camps. seriously shocked and impressed. i'm heavy loh. haha.

oh well. missing the times we had together... wish i could be there now. but we all know i can't. always wanted land... but seems so far away now. sea as well. sigh. nevermind. hope to be there during the next expeditions ba. hope we're still a team after this? hopefully ba... wonder what you all are doing now. sigh

sigh. sucks la. seriously. seriously sucks to watching helplessly unable to help much while your teamates are suffering and all. sucks to try to hard to cheer people on while you yourself feel worse than anything. such contrasting feelings. titans is over. don't know whether it's a good or bad thing. good because it's finally over and i won't feel so horrible everytime i see them doing titans. bad because that's my one and only chance at titans and it's all gone within a flash. all the months of preperation all just... sigh. nevermind. worse still i'm not the only one la. totally sucks. sigh. feeling so... horrible? seriously didn't want to take the titans shirt just now. didn't feel like i deserved it. really wanted to give it to xiaoxia. she did like practically all the events for me la. only did log pt... and they were taking most of the weight off me already. sigh. to think yesterday was bad. yesterday was already in not the best of moods. cos was put into bball early in the morning... watched the badminton finals. some really sad feeling over there. really sad. haiz. don't know. came back to tj was asked to do titans cos there wasn't enough people for girls. given some seemingly tough choice. don't know. thought that's like the worst already for this week.. but then today..

haiz. just feeling so sian these days. don't know what to think anymore. sports carnival is weird la. seriously i think like three quarts of the school population just pons these kind of stuff la. end up looking for substitutes for the different games all the time. dodgeball is a saddist game. seriously. haiz. nevermind. it's over. good. finally get to go home. been staying over with other oacians at wai kit's house. have to thank him for putting us up and for the early morning ride to school. yeah. oh nevermind. sports carnival's finally over. three long days. got my amphib shoes at last. and at least a medal for something. bball girls interhouse second. quite funny cos hardly even seriously played cos yeah... of THAT. then finals had to substitute out halfway cos my legs seriously can't take it. don't know what's wrong with me la. so many problems de. sucks la. camps coming up. die already. so tired and lousy even before any of them actually start start.

today's evaluation's easily the worst one ever la. like i don't already hate evaluation enough. just couldn't take it anymore la. keep seeing the beta people waking here and there. felt like i seriously failed everyone especially for titans. i feel so chang kui just for having the titans shirt. seriously i really doubt i deserve it much. will feel so horrible each time i wear, touch or even just see the shirt. really don't want to wear it to the ip open house thing tmr. sighhhh. hate it la the feeling. this sucks. everything sucks. then again isn't it just a normal thing. sometimes i wonder if everything you're doing all the time is worth it...

hmm. just thinking. during the big five profiling session. that thing. they gave us one minute to think about our dream holiday. yeah. so scary the dream holiday. was like carrying a backpack with hydropack, wearing the nicee salomon shoes... running up the french alps. woo hoo... i'm crazy. seriously crazy. but i don't know. it suddenly made me wonder if i actually liked oac that much. so much so my dream holiday is oac-ed. hmm. i don't know. maybe this is what i really want in my college life? noo idea. just feeling a bit lost at the moment. haha. just felt like blogging is down so i can think about it someother time. haha

uh oh. can't exactly extend my leg straight now. ahh. die already. i think by the time titans comes.. either i can't run because of injury or because i've no stamina left from all the resting. omg la. both days titans gone already. forget it manz. =/anyway yesterday's orienteering was interesting. from tj to changi village. 17.5km within just over 3hrs. not bad la. but i kind of think i pulled the whole team down a lot. =/oh well. missed the choir concert also. yeah. luckly didn't go swimming yesterday morning somemore la. or else... i die already la. hmm. suddenly at a loss as to what to say. kind of crapped so much. hmm. got so many people to thank for yesterday la. thanks to yinwei for pulling me along. eng wei for trying to hard to motivate me to go faster. wei kheam for carrying my bag all the way. wai kit for offering to carry me. everyone la actually. realised i'm lucky to have such great teammates. seriously. =) oh well for now... don't know...

hmm. kayaking today. not too bad. kayaked from kallang seasports club to east coast. had games and even went to big splash. though it was seriously obsceinty la. they didn't allow singlets or shirts to be on while going down. so no choice.. tuo diao la. eeeyer. a bit the gross though. oh well. first time standard lunch tasted damn nice also. interesting feeling but yeah. hmm. met with a storm on the way back. scary la. pple started capsizing. quite freaky. the waves were like smashing right into the cockpit la. scary. s hard to manouver around. and waulao paddle like siao la. so tiring. then haiz. right arm is dead. was partially. now it like. err yeah. i also don't know. oh well. interesting expeience i suppose. though liyuan, liesel and i were like so worried about the back pple la. so scary. we kept turning back. but then yeah. nothing we could do. cos scared yue bang yue mang. not too bad la overall. just damn the tired. went to suntec for dinner together after that. kfc. and got my gelare icecream and lemonade. =) felt to happy after that until yeah i was told to go to ec. but then i don't want. so sort of like fought with my parents over the phone la. cos it's really not rational to go there. it's illogical. serious. arggh. don't know la. i'm distant from everything. live in a life of seclusion. sadness.


hmm. what's there to say. watched luyuan yesterday. so cheem. too cheem for my comprehension rather. nevertheless it was pretty good though i still prefer the nj one. haha. whoops. eh. had hc intro. like something caught my eye. then shit. totally forgot what i wanted to say. so yeah. stoned there for awhile and just talked a whole lot of crap. like seriously crap. then hustings sucked also. the questions are not very answerable. actually i didn't want to answer anything de. but then cannot just stand there and say nothing right. so just come up and talk a bit of rubbish loh. think it sucked big time. was like the last person for everything la. going to be the last person for the interview also. scaryyy. hahaha. i don't know. laughing at myself. titans coming. cannot be so slack. haiz. initiative... sighs. should try to put in a bit of effort into my work also ba. failing everything now. not a very good thing yeah. haiz. don't know la. see how. haiz. so won't be able to write tmr. wahh. painful ah arm. =(

sometimes you fail so much that nothing matters to you anymore. another failure is like so what. it's a normal thing already. failing another test is like nothing to me anymore. in fact i even expect to fail tests nowadays. so damn sian la. life's hell. and it's full of failures. sometimes you want so bad to do a tutorial to be handed in. just that... it's not within your capabilities to do so. sadness. then recurring old long time ago supposed to never come back again injuries. damn demoralising. muscle pulls also. so damn sian. haiz. don't know la. what rubbish am i uttering. bleahx. sianness

err. food orienteering today was relatively interesting. er. from tj to bedok there for mee rebus. then to katong for katong laksa. then to old airport road for char kuay tiao. then to aljunid for smelly beancurd. then to where ah. somewhere around aljunid also for vegetarian food. eh. then to geylang there for yu sheng. and err.to jalan besar for pig's organelle soup. then to newton for duck rice and finally to bugis for tom yam soup. yeah. quite tiring la. the route to old airport road hawker centre whoa lucky cheng chung's nearby then got pple who know how to get there. or else cham ah. long long route. haha. ic with sze sian. not bad la. reached there around like just on time. bu chuo. haha. but then the jalan besar one.. with alex. waulao damn far can. eh went through little india and all. kinda felt like i was going round and round aimlessly. basically everything looked so alike la. so yeah. damn sian. the time limit was... a bit crazy though. two time extensions before getting there. running quite a large component of the route somemore.. once there was no human traffic la. cos waulao little india.. farrer there so many people la. want to go faster also cannot cos scared pple get stuck in the crowd and all. quite frustrating that one. the rest was quite fine. yeah. a bit disgusting though. the thought of consuming so many different types of food within such short time periods. eeeyer. don't know la. just feels a bit the gross. haha. oh yeah walked past the aljunid bball court. yeah. then new one. omgg. want to go see. hahaha. whoops.

oh yeah went back to ij yesterday. don't know. was sitting on the bus. then just suddenly missed ij so so much. never actually thought i'd ever miss the school la. but i don't know. i suddenly feel as if i just like. took ij for granted last time. you never know what's really bad before you go through it. tj makes me miss ij so much now. was practically running towards ij when i got off the bus la. think people thought i was crazy. nevermind. felt so wow-ed when i saw the bball court. nothing special. just that.. don't know how to describe it. like just such familiar territory. damn nice feeling. saw the bballers also. eh. found mr teh. had a nice talk then found mrs low also. haha. she invited me into the staffroom. wow. haha. offered me stuff also. so cool. first time. haha. so random to suddenly go back but wow. eh. saw mrs nicks also and mrs siao. damn cool la. haha. played a tiny bit of bball. then met cheryl. haha. cj's uniform looks like the factory workers near bedok mrt there de! LOL. oops. ahhaha. sure kena killed for saying that. haha. not say tj's uni's that nice also la. haha. yeah got her go go to queensway with me to buy my black fbts. haha. went to ikea for lunch also. and err. oh yeah. met carol at the queenstown mrt. haha.

i miss the old times. don't you? sighs. now everyday is draining. damn sian la. sigh. never experienced so many so many failures all in succession before until i got to tj. damn sad la. failing almost everything now. i even failed chem can. cheryl sounded suprised? damn sad case. fail de very chan somemore. my strongest subject la. gone case also. i die le. oh sheesh. must pia math soon. once she finishes marking that test, i'm d.e.a.d. seriously. bet i got like zero for that la. wasn't sure of anything. everyone's like omg there's no time to finish the test while i'm like. haha. i had sooo much time cos i didn't have much to write. don't know how to do anyway so yeah. oh yeah. not excused from bio tests anymore. damn. now i seriously die. will so fail it. i've never seen those chapts before. haven't had much time or mood to go for the make up lectures. uh oh. sighs. so much to do so little time. life is hell.

sigh. how is it like to see everything around you do down. like way below and everything seems to reflect darkness and a sense of loss. i don't know. that's probably like how i feel right now. everything just seems to wrong. so monotonous. so damn sian. i don't know. the world's moving so fast. i'm like being chained up. held in some unchangable position where i just helplessly watch as everything just keeps moving and moving. don't know. suddenly feel helpless and distraught. cannot cope. really don't know what to do next. like all the tutors are coming after me already. physics tutor probably just thinks i'm a slacker. chem doesn't seem to care much for now. that's quite a good thing for now. bio thinks that if i try hard enough i just might be able to catch up cos i took o level bio before. sigh. math thinks i'm not coping at all. that i probably cannot take the change of combi and all and am letting go of math. she even err offered help anytime should i need it... and that i should approach my ct or her if i need someone to talk to... that i shouldn't keep everything to myself cos it's not good this way. omg. that bad huh. uh oh. certainly doesn't help to be in a class where everyone's like flying so damn high. like everything's just a breeze for them while i'm struggling like hell. right now i don't know whether to laugh or to cry. laugh cos wow. my tutors actually care about my well being. cry because i personally think i cannot cope at this moment as well. so many things to do and accomplish, yet so little time. don't know. so confused. i want to catch up. but i can't. i don't know. i don't even know what i'm rambling about now. arggh. forget it.

sian diao. there's so much to say yet nothing to say. sounds so super contradictory... don't know. i suppose these few days are like hell to me. seriously. i don't know. ever since we got our new scgs, i began to hate school more and more. three words to describe school. sucks. hate. dreadful. it's like quite stupid la. it's like... everyday i walk into my own prison. like very shuang like that. every single freaking day somemore. like wth's wrong with me la. you know. if i had a choice i'd want to redraw from college immediately la. just quite sian of everything right now. can't exactly cope also right now i think. am so lost for everything. suppose it was a horrible idea to switch subject combi. esp to trip sci cos i realise it sucks big time. feeling a bit of regret now. don't know la. sigh.

hmm. saturday had beta house function? not bad la. err went to watch the pacifier with yuxuan, michelle, shi han and two of yuxuan's friends. quite a lame show. haha. hse function not bad la. just that like.. err 90% of the songs were chinese songs? so a bit the never heard before. but they sound quite nice la. oh had some pass the parcel game. damn amusing la. when pple throw th parcel to pass it around. somehow always end up with me de la. but.. hahas. never go on stage. lalala. yeah. had mass dance also. yeap. haha. monday was. weird? pe was like err ipu standing broad jump and 2.4. err. like okay. fine. weirdness la. physical fitness test coming soon? i fail la. dont care already. gp compo sucked. chinese compo sucked even more. don't know what i'm doing these days. wednesday was like plain weird la. suddenly realised that i've the a star research briefing at like 3.30.. then the talk at nj at 4... damn stupid la. hate being caught in the middle of everything. sian diao. anyways went to nj cos it was to late to get to the a star talk even if i flew there. so yeah. hmm. realised... omg la. nj's quite nice again. i'm lousy la. failed to get in at first attempt. didn't bother thereafter. a bit the regret it again... don't know la. yeah. anyway went out for dinner with junsheng after the talk. sorry.. made you pei me and all... thanks yeah...

hmms. thursday was... i also don't know. err. was super sian la. so ponned math lecture. if i had the choice i'd pon the entire day. but then tutorials and pract... so bo bian la. today's just plain horrible? dunno. it's like swimming was... okay la. not too bad. was so super tired and sian during tutorials. kept looking at the clock. like very nice like that. counting down the time till lessons end... errs. don't know... 4x400 sucked? feel like i pulled the entire team down or sth. like cos kind of got muscle pull la. as usual.. don't know what my problem is. yeah. wanted to give up after the first 100m de. but then saw the last runner... cannot pangsei her like that. so no choice la. just run. sighs. but felt like it was a slow run. at least it felt damn slow. don't know la. i feel so evil la. don't know... don't know why i always want to give up. dunno...

anyway learnt that i'm super not a short distance runner. err. actually basically i can't exactly do anything la. sports.. academics.. whatever la. i suck in everything. so yeah. life sucks la. dreading everything again...

hmm. okay. o night was not too bad. so sad that we had to leave halfway during mass dance for the night cycling though. hmm. night cycling was great. quite cool la. cycled right into the morning. ehh... got the bikes from ecp. err. went from tj to the national stadium to the old market. if you don't get where that is.. do a direct translation to chinese and you'll get it. haha. err then to lavender, aljunid, then kovan. and err bedok reservoir there. and back to tj. yeah. something like that. haha. quite fun la. just that was super tired from the orientation and all and my leg was hurting.. had to resort to standing to cycle so that i can use my body weight to push the paddle. but then sometimes chen bu zhu le. had to force myself to go on so many times cos i didn't want to have gaps. sad case la me. but overall it's really cool. yeap.

eh.. what else happened? oh. right. got my triple science. kena sent to scg18 when most of the pple i know are from 20. sian diao. then the teacher in charge didn't want me to change scg though i wanted to appeal and even had a mutual swop la. was trying to convince me to stay... kept saying that it's such a good class so i should stay. haiz. don't know. didn't really know how to reply to that. so just left it la. eh. the tutors are seriously damn good. think we got the best tutors available or sth. err nearly half the class are scholars? i'm like at the bottom of the class can. saw the class list. the lousiest raw score of the class is 9. sian diao la. the teacher in charge seemed shocked that i wasn't in trip sci for the first three mths. bleahx. whatever la. i stupid can. computer error that i ended up in this class la. got a problem with that? cannot is it. sorry la. not like i wanted it. too smart le. everyone's too smart. i cannot catch up. i'm just one sad case. bleahx. whatever la. arggh. shall talk about something else. this is making me feel damn sian.

eh. sports day heats are a distater? don't know how come i got into the 200m finals. ehh. yeah. don't know la. weird. err. still got 4x4oom left? that one must train. i can't pull the entire team down of i'd feel eternally evil. sighs. errr. oh had first titan's training. super torturous. don't know why my muscles kept pulling. pull until like very shuang la. pain cannn. bleahx. siannn. for now. everything seems quite okay le. even managed some bball today. haha. shoot de very shuang. got my shooting touch back for now. hope it never leaves. haha. realised bball's one of the few things i look forward to nowadays. oh joined the tj bball team for training the other day. damn nice can. yeah. crossed my mind to join. but then. don't know la. a bit hard. i've the max no of pdps already. so yeah. then wanted to join hc de. but then think i won't be able to cope de. so yeah. sian diao. don't really know what to do.

hmm. had adventure tower training also? yeap. quite fun i suppose. pretty interesting. haha. oh. got newcomers to oac. damn funkaye. haha. got one beta de somemore. the best. =) hazel's friend. ahaha. not bad la. didn't know he's in the same class as so many pple i know. haha. ooh. got beta house function tmr. muahaha. going with my og. good. ehh.. watching movie first. honestly i've no idea as to what movie is being shown at all. nevermind. just go ba. break. haha. don't know. a bit luan now. shall just take things a step at a time i suppose... og outinggg next! house function! haha. should study also. not should. is must. yeap. oh sheesh. pw drafttt. roar. yeah hor. scico also. new science research thing. haha. a*star de. woo hoo. qualified. they want me to go try. haha. sounds interesting. but quite time consuming also. oh well... one step at a time. one step at a time...