sometimes you fail so much that nothing matters to you anymore. another failure is like so what. it's a normal thing already. failing another test is like nothing to me anymore. in fact i even expect to fail tests nowadays. so damn sian la. life's hell. and it's full of failures. sometimes you want so bad to do a tutorial to be handed in. just that... it's not within your capabilities to do so. sadness. then recurring old long time ago supposed to never come back again injuries. damn demoralising. muscle pulls also. so damn sian. haiz. don't know la. what rubbish am i uttering. bleahx. sianness

err. food orienteering today was relatively interesting. er. from tj to bedok there for mee rebus. then to katong for katong laksa. then to old airport road for char kuay tiao. then to aljunid for smelly beancurd. then to where ah. somewhere around aljunid also for vegetarian food. eh. then to geylang there for yu sheng. and err.to jalan besar for pig's organelle soup. then to newton for duck rice and finally to bugis for tom yam soup. yeah. quite tiring la. the route to old airport road hawker centre whoa lucky cheng chung's nearby then got pple who know how to get there. or else cham ah. long long route. haha. ic with sze sian. not bad la. reached there around like just on time. bu chuo. haha. but then the jalan besar one.. with alex. waulao damn far can. eh went through little india and all. kinda felt like i was going round and round aimlessly. basically everything looked so alike la. so yeah. damn sian. the time limit was... a bit crazy though. two time extensions before getting there. running quite a large component of the route somemore.. once there was no human traffic la. cos waulao little india.. farrer there so many people la. want to go faster also cannot cos scared pple get stuck in the crowd and all. quite frustrating that one. the rest was quite fine. yeah. a bit disgusting though. the thought of consuming so many different types of food within such short time periods. eeeyer. don't know la. just feels a bit the gross. haha. oh yeah walked past the aljunid bball court. yeah. then new one. omgg. want to go see. hahaha. whoops.

oh yeah went back to ij yesterday. don't know. was sitting on the bus. then just suddenly missed ij so so much. never actually thought i'd ever miss the school la. but i don't know. i suddenly feel as if i just like. took ij for granted last time. you never know what's really bad before you go through it. tj makes me miss ij so much now. was practically running towards ij when i got off the bus la. think people thought i was crazy. nevermind. felt so wow-ed when i saw the bball court. nothing special. just that.. don't know how to describe it. like just such familiar territory. damn nice feeling. saw the bballers also. eh. found mr teh. had a nice talk then found mrs low also. haha. she invited me into the staffroom. wow. haha. offered me stuff also. so cool. first time. haha. so random to suddenly go back but wow. eh. saw mrs nicks also and mrs siao. damn cool la. haha. played a tiny bit of bball. then met cheryl. haha. cj's uniform looks like the factory workers near bedok mrt there de! LOL. oops. ahhaha. sure kena killed for saying that. haha. not say tj's uni's that nice also la. haha. yeah got her go go to queensway with me to buy my black fbts. haha. went to ikea for lunch also. and err. oh yeah. met carol at the queenstown mrt. haha.

i miss the old times. don't you? sighs. now everyday is draining. damn sian la. sigh. never experienced so many so many failures all in succession before until i got to tj. damn sad la. failing almost everything now. i even failed chem can. cheryl sounded suprised? damn sad case. fail de very chan somemore. my strongest subject la. gone case also. i die le. oh sheesh. must pia math soon. once she finishes marking that test, i'm d.e.a.d. seriously. bet i got like zero for that la. wasn't sure of anything. everyone's like omg there's no time to finish the test while i'm like. haha. i had sooo much time cos i didn't have much to write. don't know how to do anyway so yeah. oh yeah. not excused from bio tests anymore. damn. now i seriously die. will so fail it. i've never seen those chapts before. haven't had much time or mood to go for the make up lectures. uh oh. sighs. so much to do so little time. life is hell.

sigh. how is it like to see everything around you do down. like way below and everything seems to reflect darkness and a sense of loss. i don't know. that's probably like how i feel right now. everything just seems to wrong. so monotonous. so damn sian. i don't know. the world's moving so fast. i'm like being chained up. held in some unchangable position where i just helplessly watch as everything just keeps moving and moving. don't know. suddenly feel helpless and distraught. cannot cope. really don't know what to do next. like all the tutors are coming after me already. physics tutor probably just thinks i'm a slacker. chem doesn't seem to care much for now. that's quite a good thing for now. bio thinks that if i try hard enough i just might be able to catch up cos i took o level bio before. sigh. math thinks i'm not coping at all. that i probably cannot take the change of combi and all and am letting go of math. she even err offered help anytime should i need it... and that i should approach my ct or her if i need someone to talk to... that i shouldn't keep everything to myself cos it's not good this way. omg. that bad huh. uh oh. certainly doesn't help to be in a class where everyone's like flying so damn high. like everything's just a breeze for them while i'm struggling like hell. right now i don't know whether to laugh or to cry. laugh cos wow. my tutors actually care about my well being. cry because i personally think i cannot cope at this moment as well. so many things to do and accomplish, yet so little time. don't know. so confused. i want to catch up. but i can't. i don't know. i don't even know what i'm rambling about now. arggh. forget it.

sian diao. there's so much to say yet nothing to say. sounds so super contradictory... don't know. i suppose these few days are like hell to me. seriously. i don't know. ever since we got our new scgs, i began to hate school more and more. three words to describe school. sucks. hate. dreadful. it's like quite stupid la. it's like... everyday i walk into my own prison. like very shuang like that. every single freaking day somemore. like wth's wrong with me la. you know. if i had a choice i'd want to redraw from college immediately la. just quite sian of everything right now. can't exactly cope also right now i think. am so lost for everything. suppose it was a horrible idea to switch subject combi. esp to trip sci cos i realise it sucks big time. feeling a bit of regret now. don't know la. sigh.

hmm. saturday had beta house function? not bad la. err went to watch the pacifier with yuxuan, michelle, shi han and two of yuxuan's friends. quite a lame show. haha. hse function not bad la. just that like.. err 90% of the songs were chinese songs? so a bit the never heard before. but they sound quite nice la. oh had some pass the parcel game. damn amusing la. when pple throw th parcel to pass it around. somehow always end up with me de la. but.. hahas. never go on stage. lalala. yeah. had mass dance also. yeap. haha. monday was. weird? pe was like err ipu standing broad jump and 2.4. err. like okay. fine. weirdness la. physical fitness test coming soon? i fail la. dont care already. gp compo sucked. chinese compo sucked even more. don't know what i'm doing these days. wednesday was like plain weird la. suddenly realised that i've the a star research briefing at like 3.30.. then the talk at nj at 4... damn stupid la. hate being caught in the middle of everything. sian diao. anyways went to nj cos it was to late to get to the a star talk even if i flew there. so yeah. hmm. realised... omg la. nj's quite nice again. i'm lousy la. failed to get in at first attempt. didn't bother thereafter. a bit the regret it again... don't know la. yeah. anyway went out for dinner with junsheng after the talk. sorry.. made you pei me and all... thanks yeah...

hmms. thursday was... i also don't know. err. was super sian la. so ponned math lecture. if i had the choice i'd pon the entire day. but then tutorials and pract... so bo bian la. today's just plain horrible? dunno. it's like swimming was... okay la. not too bad. was so super tired and sian during tutorials. kept looking at the clock. like very nice like that. counting down the time till lessons end... errs. don't know... 4x400 sucked? feel like i pulled the entire team down or sth. like cos kind of got muscle pull la. as usual.. don't know what my problem is. yeah. wanted to give up after the first 100m de. but then saw the last runner... cannot pangsei her like that. so no choice la. just run. sighs. but felt like it was a slow run. at least it felt damn slow. don't know la. i feel so evil la. don't know... don't know why i always want to give up. dunno...

anyway learnt that i'm super not a short distance runner. err. actually basically i can't exactly do anything la. sports.. academics.. whatever la. i suck in everything. so yeah. life sucks la. dreading everything again...

hmm. okay. o night was not too bad. so sad that we had to leave halfway during mass dance for the night cycling though. hmm. night cycling was great. quite cool la. cycled right into the morning. ehh... got the bikes from ecp. err. went from tj to the national stadium to the old market. if you don't get where that is.. do a direct translation to chinese and you'll get it. haha. err then to lavender, aljunid, then kovan. and err bedok reservoir there. and back to tj. yeah. something like that. haha. quite fun la. just that was super tired from the orientation and all and my leg was hurting.. had to resort to standing to cycle so that i can use my body weight to push the paddle. but then sometimes chen bu zhu le. had to force myself to go on so many times cos i didn't want to have gaps. sad case la me. but overall it's really cool. yeap.

eh.. what else happened? oh. right. got my triple science. kena sent to scg18 when most of the pple i know are from 20. sian diao. then the teacher in charge didn't want me to change scg though i wanted to appeal and even had a mutual swop la. was trying to convince me to stay... kept saying that it's such a good class so i should stay. haiz. don't know. didn't really know how to reply to that. so just left it la. eh. the tutors are seriously damn good. think we got the best tutors available or sth. err nearly half the class are scholars? i'm like at the bottom of the class can. saw the class list. the lousiest raw score of the class is 9. sian diao la. the teacher in charge seemed shocked that i wasn't in trip sci for the first three mths. bleahx. whatever la. i stupid can. computer error that i ended up in this class la. got a problem with that? cannot is it. sorry la. not like i wanted it. too smart le. everyone's too smart. i cannot catch up. i'm just one sad case. bleahx. whatever la. arggh. shall talk about something else. this is making me feel damn sian.

eh. sports day heats are a distater? don't know how come i got into the 200m finals. ehh. yeah. don't know la. weird. err. still got 4x4oom left? that one must train. i can't pull the entire team down of i'd feel eternally evil. sighs. errr. oh had first titan's training. super torturous. don't know why my muscles kept pulling. pull until like very shuang la. pain cannn. bleahx. siannn. for now. everything seems quite okay le. even managed some bball today. haha. shoot de very shuang. got my shooting touch back for now. hope it never leaves. haha. realised bball's one of the few things i look forward to nowadays. oh joined the tj bball team for training the other day. damn nice can. yeah. crossed my mind to join. but then. don't know la. a bit hard. i've the max no of pdps already. so yeah. then wanted to join hc de. but then think i won't be able to cope de. so yeah. sian diao. don't really know what to do.

hmm. had adventure tower training also? yeap. quite fun i suppose. pretty interesting. haha. oh. got newcomers to oac. damn funkaye. haha. got one beta de somemore. the best. =) hazel's friend. ahaha. not bad la. didn't know he's in the same class as so many pple i know. haha. ooh. got beta house function tmr. muahaha. going with my og. good. ehh.. watching movie first. honestly i've no idea as to what movie is being shown at all. nevermind. just go ba. break. haha. don't know. a bit luan now. shall just take things a step at a time i suppose... og outinggg next! house function! haha. should study also. not should. is must. yeap. oh sheesh. pw drafttt. roar. yeah hor. scico also. new science research thing. haha. a*star de. woo hoo. qualified. they want me to go try. haha. sounds interesting. but quite time consuming also. oh well... one step at a time. one step at a time...

really enjoyed myself as ogl for once today. wet games were pretty fun la. haha. =) got damn wet. didn't bring a change of clothes cos basically i wasn't supposed to play? haha. in the end.. my shirt was a mixture of toothpaste, flour, coloured water, paint, gel and all. eeeyer la. oh well. water bombs are funkaye... LOL. quite funny also those things. haha. err there was this station whereby the ogms had to gel all the ogl and guy's hairs. eeeyer. blobs and blobs of gel ended up on my hair la. and they attempted to style it? so gross la. can feellll all the gel. bleahx. ahaha. then there was the thread in thread out the rafia string with toothpaste de. reminds me of the ij orientation last time.. the one with the rafia string filled with coffee starch. ahaha. -saddistic laughter- ahaha. mass dance was super fun la. got to do my fav song! =D haha. the speedy damn funny. kena pulled into the middle so many times. then kena kicked like siao. but i suppose being saboed is a bit fun. maybe i'm just saddist or sth. haha. learnt the guy's part for the couple dance today. whee~~ achievement. learnt quite fast. i'm impressed. haha. LOl. bhb. hmm finally bought my second tj uni. haha. and the tie... the tie.. err.. like a bit the ugly and weird. and thick. and gross. LOL. oops. haha. a bit the many complaints. hahaha. but today's enjoyable la. haha. =)

oh got scg posting le. got my triple science. but then kena posted to i don't know where. err 18/05. i know no one there la. bleahx. not again. so sian la. heard 10/05 left like 5 of us only. oops. haha. but econs really sucks. only taking triple sci cos i'm totally out of options le. hahaha.. oh well.. sad case la me...

sigh first day of orientation only and i want to chi zi as ogl le... so sian. first must wake up at like 4 la. but nevermind. i don't really care about that part much... then i realised the og.. so many so many new people... like seriously don't know them at all... attendance taking very xing ku. aquosus seemed somewhat unenthu to me leh. anthough we're sitting right in the middle of everything. but then still like not much response de. then we ogls dersperately cheering until we all give up together right. anyway ice breakers was horrible la. some pple quite uncooperative.. then doesn't help that aquosus cleverly picked to have the activities where the construction of something's being done. don't know. never had so much of a feeling of helplessness before. i mean like fine. the o2's sian. i admit it too. not really in a mood to have orientation too cos so many people kena kicked out of tj cos of the partial 7 cut off. so few 7 pointers somemore.. nearly half the school gone. damn sad. but then again these pple were there with you for the first three months only. not like you can do anything to help them anyway. and the people here now are going to be there with you for two years. is it so hard to just get to know them a little? honestly i don't see why it's so hard? please la. i take cg 26 right.. when i go back to cg 30 after the orientation i'd hardly even know my classmates la. same og but then it's hard what. wth la. i'm forgoing knowing my own classmates for this and this is what i get. feel like such a failure. unenthu until cannot be anymore unenthu le.

haiz. skipped og lunch. just didn't feel like it. luckly mingwei asked if i wanted to play bball.. quite distracted and i dont know maybe somewhat demoralised by the orientation thing. i cmi. haha. heck it. felt so much better after playing though i was playing rubbish. super off form these days... haha. career talk looked interesting.. but then gave up on looking around cos the tiki so biggg.. so hard to walk. anyway it was so packed la. so heck it. mass dance is nice though. feels great being able to teach the dances and being able to dance the dances.. =) only thing i liked.. haha.

hmm. got the ogl shirts le. omg lah they chose green.. eeeyer.. then wear with tj skirt.. i look like rubbish bin le. just put the pic of the frog there.. then hold the 'clean and green' sign can le. total resemblence to the rubbish bin. haha... amazing race tmr. hope everything'd be better... more mass dance.. music please! haha. i think the second intake very intimidated by our mass dance.. always have that OMG look when we dance. like very kong bu like that. too fast and too many steps le. so poor thing. the first orientation that time i also hated mass dance cos i cmi... haha. oh well...

hmm. the march exp was quite fun lah. went caving. the caves are pretty cool loh. haha. yeap. up gunung ayam. but never saw any chickens there. haha. lame. okok. err. yeah but we climbed another mountain on the way there so it's still two mountains in the end yeah =) so cold though when it rained. freezing manz. then somehow i always end up sleping in reservoirs... cos the water will seep into the tent and end up where i sleep? lol. then my shoes also lah. retains water. omg lah. walk -squish squish squish- the shoes. can feel all the water everywhere. haha. realised my backpack's very heavy also. like super heavy. bet sam and liyuan's bags are around my bag's weight also =/ oh well. someone's got to carry the stuff anyway.. so why not us? haha. talking rubbish. but anyway the feeling of accomplishment was quite cool lah when we got to ayam. we were all pretty happy about it. before that many of us were worried about not being to take it. but all's well. =) pity we couldn't get up stong.. somehow i felt a bit like i'm partially to blame... don't know why. just a feeling. but i suppose it was the right decision to not go ahead with climbing it. yups. err. yeah most already know. err yeah fell sick loh. then err on the train ride back ran a fever... yeah. have to thank a lot of people for taking care of me and helping me along... yups. thanks xiaowei for taking care of me so much throughout the night and day.. though i really don't remember what happened that night. haha. yups. thanks to every single person there. yup. thanks everyone!

oh missed the entire ogl camp cos we went mountain climbing. oops. oh well i did tell them beforehand that i can't make it for the camp anyway. just hope the og or rather, cg i'm taking won't kill me too much. cg 26 i think. haha. hmm. considering i don't know what exactly's going on for the second orientation.. hahaha. i'll try to find out.. but i can't promise that i can learn so many dances within so few days. i sucl at dancing somemore so yeah. please don't sabo me too much? hahaha

hmm. started the science researching thing at ntu already also. quite interesting lah. got to play those instruments i've never seen before in my life lah. the big big machines. all the gadgets and all. haha. centrifuging. so funkaye.yups. got to play with the micropipettes.. con hbr.. saturated bromine solution and all. fun.. =) haha. i'm crazy. then got the small animals thing. the swimming stuff. so cute. they're being used for other experiments by the professors there. so cute. i want them as pets! or for our next research thing! haha. omg i'm saddist. lol.

oh. thanks junsheng for going to marche with me for lunch today.. =D was so sudden. haha. yup yup. thanks! =)

oh well. realised that my holidays are really gone. everyday's too packed. so much so i've to forgo something for another. sucks manz. super high opportunity cost. haiz. today it was between srp, yanling's birthday thing and tennis. tmr it's between srp again, oac and og outing. arggh. not much of a choice though. srp.. duh. haiz. hopefully later on still can join them for other stuff ba.. haiz. my life's sad. i think sunday's relatively free for now? hope it stays that way. then at least i'd have like one free day for once? omg lah. haiz. give me a break someone! haiz. i tell you honestly that all my academics are dead. like. d.e.a.d. gone case le. haiz. can i have my life back? somehow i think the answer is no. haiz. ogl thing how? i feel like ponning the entire second orientation le. haiz. but cannot like that fang qi everything right. HAIZ. i also don't know what to think le. don't know anything. haiz. sadness...

hmm. quick update. very tired le. bball's nice =D hmm. leaving for gunung stong and gunung ayam tmr.. today actually. haha. so funny the feeling now. a bit nervous and anxious i suppose. something new ba.. i'm sure we can make it de.. =) we must.mind over matter ba.. haha. hmm. went for the nj chinese concert thing just now. it's not too bad leh. quite nice and entertaining. =D if you haven't gone, go watch it! haha. i'm advertising for it now. LOL. thanks kai qin for going there with me. and thanks to junsheng also for everything ba. hahaha. wonder how temasek idol went though. and cj's err rockafellaskank. hahahaha.. interesting name. yup yup. OH YEAH. omg lah. i'm an ogl. shocked? cos i'm shocked as well. really didn't expect nor intend to get in. oops? i mean like tj has 9 full mass dances. how many of them can i do in full? zero i think. but i like the running man. LOL. i'm crazy. die lah. oh manz. anyway officially dropped econs. a good thing ba. gives me a little bit more time. a lot better than nothing. the breaks are everything to me now. LOL. been playing quite a fair bit of bball these days i suppose. quite miss bball.. (!!! right i know but oh well) i think the oac seniors are super nice ba.. haha.. don't want to quit. praying hard that i can cope with everything. think i've too many things on le. and to think in secondary school i was so super slack lah. all the competitions all never take part de. impressive. oh moe scrapped the pearls system. damn. i quite liked it.. maybe cos i've quite a fair bit of points le.. but that's besides the point what. ahaha. oh well. oh shit. still haven't done the online chem tutorial.. pray the portal's still open by the time i get back ba.. omg lah i've no march hols le. i can't even make it for the ogl camp lah. i so die. hope the ogls don't need to play the games.. =) hope lah. haha. oh the tj uniform isn't THAT bad after all.. as least i don't look THAT disasterous in it. hahaha. OH SHEESH i didn't change currency.. hope my parents have ba.. omg. haha. oops. now then remember a bit the late.. i'm so last minute manz. oh manz. nvm nvm. i think i lag behind too much in my school work le. not a good sign at all. should start dropping stuff soon ba.. haiz. don't know lah. don't feel like doing so. sad. oh well. exp tmr le. scary. the bag so ex. nearly $200.. the hydration pack and all also so ex. oh well. i'm sure we can do it ba.. =) SIGH. tired. really tired. shouldn't have played so much bball. got blisters from the other day. climb mountain bu shi die le. ahahha. oh well. okay. that's all ba.. eyes hurt like crazy le. cyaaa

hmms. finally decided on tj. impressed? haha. after ponning school to go to ij, then to nj, hci and cj... finally decided to stay in tj.. =D so glad it's finally over. realised that tj teaches super fast though. hahaha... i was so impressed.. we're at least a chapter in front of every subject i take as compared to nj.. haha. impressive. and the tutorials.. like super slack lah. lectures are.. hmm... yeah.. so yeap. tj for me. haha. =) so happy... nj's canteen food is nice though. go try! the bubble tea also. LOL. addictive. hahaha. good lah. no need to go appeal le. no more super high risk to be undertaken. i'm free to join whatever i want. no extra obligations.. i'm going there with my own merit. feels good. haha. glad i went to nj and all today. made me sure that what i want is tj. just changed the jae application thing. shan't look back now. i'm glad it's over. =) now can concentrate le. a big thanks to everyone who helped me out and adviced me... mrs nicks, hazel, the oac seniors, jun sheng, constance, avalene, yi jun, cheryl, yanling.. aiya basically everyone lah. a biggg thanks! =D

ooh. leong chuan just said that our chinese project got a consolation prize. cool manz. haha. =p but now everyone knows that i ponned le. hahaha. oops? oh well. oh thanks jun sheng for the nj badge! =) omg my last time tution centre just called me up to ask what i got for bio. LOL. okayyyy.. interesting.. haha.. oh well. ke yi buy tj uni le. LOL. hope and pray that i stay in beta.. or else ah.. i transfer to aj then you know. hahaha. just kidding. looking forward to the second intake... so that i can take my triple science le. no more econs! -cheers- hahaha

sigh. what a difference a day can make... now left wondering what the future has install. so weird that feeling. anyway ij is.. like omg lah. we had to buy the chocomania tickets or else we can't get our o level results. what rubbish lah. so stress. so many pple got single digits.. quite a number of 6 also. saddening. sigh. don't know... kind of didn't improve from the prelims? =/ rarrrhh... i really don't know what to do now. still feeling pretty disappointed... 7 distinctions out of 8 subjects. chinese is.. b3? but so what? that can't bring me anywhere loh. this sucks. i really don't know what to do.. arggh. sucks manz. i hate my bonus... sucks like hell. then again maybe i DO want to stay in tj. probably would miss tj quite a fair bit should i decide to leave? so luan one.. i also don't know le.. i feel quite lost. a bit the cannot make decisions.. only consolation is that i got a2 for my amath. big miracle already... now i've the full range of combis to choose from should i stay in tj. except a level chinese and lep.. duh... so yeap. can take either f math or triple science le. but i think i shouldn't do f math right. i'm not confident at all. my math always cannot make it de. triple science like very stress. heard bio's really tough and all... but i suppose i'll take my chances? right now almost anything's better than economics.. sigh. neighbour asked me to try rj.. or nj. cos of the distance. he says that i never know.. but.. like.. hmm. quite hard to get in right. the chances seem quite low to me.. don't know lah. 5 days.. to stay or not to stay. feel a quite attached to tj right now... how??? SIGH

tmr's the day. oh manz. so screwed.finally got the jae letter. phew? haiz. sigh. i think ah. if i see a double digit i'll just cry. sigh. don't know. this sucks. then i'll roughly know which school i'll end up in right. haiz. sian ah. i wish this day wouldn't come so soon... but whatever it is.. come what may. my reslut was already determined last year when i last put my pen down after the exams. can't change it already. sigh

very pissed off. i feel like i can just storm out of tj any moment. like i could just walk off never to return again. dammit. rarrrhh. team? what team? omg lah. went trekking up and down bukit timah hill with the backpacks filled with bottles of water.. then walked all the way to mac ritchie. some people just don't care. makes me wonder what i'm doing here. why everything's like that? i'm trying so hard already to mix with everyone and anyone. why like that? so pissing. physically yes it was draining. mentally it was worse. was so pissed off that there was no sense of accomplishment or whatsoever at all. don't know how to describe it. don't know whether i'll stay. see my mood on that day. get this feeling that maybe i won't stay anymore. bleahx. anyway, yesterday went out with them to go shopping to see whether we could find nice backpacks for the expedition. heck. bought solomon shoes. damn ex. nearly $200. but lucky they were on discount? nice shoes though. like them. relieves the stress on my current only pair of shoes. rarrrh. feel so irrritated. who cares about what monday brings now?! arggh

okay. shall update? err tests tests and more tests? sian ah. school sucks. been scraping out passes... not a very good sign right? all my tutorials also.. they're all dead. haha. oh well. hmm. road run today. a bit the disasterous. but not that bad i suppose? learnt something. never start from the back cos it's crazy. and i don't know. got other stuff to be learnt i suppose. nevermind. first try? haha. don't know lah. if i do decide to stay in tj... next year for the road run must be one of the top twenty positions. yups. agreed with yuxuan on that. we can do it de. =) ahaha. the nus test is horrid? omg lah the physics section was not exactly do-able. so hard.. haiz. chem was not that easy either. like they expected you to memorise the periodic table like that. haha. a lot of stuff all never learn before de. rarrrhh. but the bio's easy. sian ah. should have taken the bio one. cleverly did chem and physics.. cos i'm not doing bio for the first three mths mah. wrong choice i suppose. heck it lah. falalala. biathlon tmr. good luck everyone. pray i don't pull zhi yong down? haven't exactly really been swimming. hahaha. what else? valentine's day? quite normal? fun also lah. finally touched a bball in such a long time. haha. errr.. angel and mortal game? got three. og de.. he already knows it's me. super lah he. so fast. one letter jiu know le. the whole school de. revealed already. err. senior class one. haven't yet. he's in the sc. always see him around. saw him at the road run also. walked right past him quite a number of times. quite tempting to say hi. hahahaha. oh well. a few more days to doomsday. sian ah. what's with the letter from moe for the teaching scholarship thing? is it for real? i never ever want to get that thing. eeeyer. ahaahha. okok. i'm totally crapping out rubbish le. that's all then

hmm. actually i realised that oac's really quite nice. haha. not like i didn't know that before but yeah... up and down 23 flight of stairs five times. quite fun lah. with our partners and all. loved teh countdown. lol. funnn. did the adventure tower also. part of it lah. accomplishment. somehow i think my fear of heights momentarily disappeared or something. didn't feel much. just the need to finish everything as fast as possible. don't ask me why i felt that way. i just somehow felt. errr somewhat determined. don't know where that came from. like must do it. i have to.. that kind of feeling. HAHA. i think i get it. i'm officially going nuts. -really dramatic look- haha. don't know lah. but got quite a lot of satisfaction from completing the obstacle. muahaha. felt a bit like a monkey though.. =) quite a nice feeling i think... haha. i'm really talking rubbish. haha. ooh. so going for the march exp. exciting. climbing mount stong and ayam in malaysia. sounds fun. =) and yinwei can go le! so happy. xiao wei and jinhe are also going. yanlinggg!! jia you! hope to see you there also! =D lalala. oohhh.. got a pass for the rubbished econs essay. so rephrasing sentances does earn you marks afterall -contemplates- haha. yeah. it's a fail but a pass also. like a double digit fail so not too bad. shall remember it as a rubbished pass. lol. maybe i won't drop econs afterall... we'll see we'll see... ahaha. falala. nothing much to say. in a mood to go running!!! tmr tmr. if i go now.. i'll like wake the entire neighbourhood up.. then they'll all be like who's that crazy person running around in the middle of the night. hahaha. omg i'm talking rubbish lah. haha. that's all.

ooh. wait. got this from junsheng's blog... results are totally crap lah. ignore it. just thought the quiz was quite cute... haha. =p hmm while you are there do the chem test also. got like full marks. quite easy de. or so i think... =) muahaha. propaganda to ask people to like chemistry right. =) ooh and the loser test. haha. i'm so not loser. hmm so nerds aren't that much of losers afterall?! ahaha

falala. ponned sch to go back to ij. mass was okay. the singing was.. torturous lah. somehow i was wondering when they would stop making so much ahem noise. lol. okay being evil. they had some weird interhouse lion dance competition. haha. funny. oh well. anyway, met mrs low. she seemed somewhat shocked to know that i'm in tj. started asking me what i got for the prelims. so yeah. told her raw 9 after bonus 8. she was like oh that's good. tj's a good school. haha. i think i still had that funny !!! look. must have thought that i can't make it to tj is it. -glares for a moment- remember someone saying that even aj wouldn't take me in. bleahx. hmm. yeah. met mrs tang, mrs tay, mr teh, mrs nicks and all. oh well. my belt isn't that bad what. -innocent look- at least it's still on. haha! hmm. they say tj's a good school. hmm. interesting. mrs siao says i look like i'm ready to leave tj. really meh. there's a possibility that i'll stay one leh. haha. they all say see you in two weeks time. i was so tempted to say no no i don't wish to see any of you in two weeks time. it'd spell doom for me. o level results time right. i'd rather not have it can. sigh. oh well. went out after that to orchard with everyone. had macs. lol. then walked and walked. falala. first time i've stepped into coffee bean and tea leaf. interesting. oh saw nat. SIGH. she's in nj and she's going to leave after the first three mths to go to temasek poly. sigh. i want her place in nj. oh well. maybe tj ain't that bad after all. haha. =p see how lah. results must be quite okay to be able to stay also anyway. hmm. what if i failed humanities...9 plus whatever is a lot loh. oh well. nvm nvm. nothing i can do about it now anyway. hmm. tmr must go bai nian. so sian lah. oh well. so super tired. sigh. nevermind. whoa. -looks up in excitement- three ENTIRE days without tj. sooo exciting! muahaha

ooh. ponning school in tj to go back to ij for cny celebrations. finally decided on doing so. didn't see a point of going to tj for three periods of civics only. not like i like civics one bit anyway. haha. oh well. sigh. i feel bad. i don't like tj much. yet it's given me so many opportunities and i dislike it for doing that. it's making me feel obliged to stay after the first three months somehow. haiz. oh the nus science thing. the cutoff was like 6pts for english plus four math or science subjects lah. obviously i didn't make the cut. i got 8 i think. yups. so yeah those who made the cut obviously went through. like twenty five people lah. tj's sending thirty pple. so they picked five pple out of the remaining people to go for the test thing based on teacher's reccomendation supposedly because of the overwhelming response. impressive. didn't know teachers would nominate me. came as such a shock lah. hmm. especially when i happily handed in the form late. like a day after dateline. lol. shocking. but i'm so going to gu fu their qi wang lah. dieee. haiz. feels stressful. what if i fail that test. damn. picked chem and physics. dumb to choose to only be tested on two subjects but oh well. the rest seem un-do-able. my math sucks and i don't take bio. sigh. i'm so dead lah. already struggling with all my subjects. can i please drop econs now? haiz. this sucks. oh managed to pass the stupid chem test. so no need to go for remedial. muahaha. good. very good. falala. maybe i should stay in tj? feeling so bad. oh biathlon. why only me and zhi yong doing individual?! sigh. and go for the march ex leh. i want to go for the mountain climbing thing. go with meee. sounds so fun can. =) oh i don't think i can make it for the sa funfair btw, super packed that day. so sorry yeah... muahaha. no tj for three whole days. i feel so happy. but these few days cannot be classified as holidays. more unfinished tutorials. sigh.

shall post before i really get to busy to post. errm. i don't know. sometimes don't you wonder what would have happened should have happened instead of what actually happened? as in like what if you were posted to another jc? like your first choice jc or something. how different life would be now. sigh. i think i can't cope. not suprising right. three pdps. four subjects. so horrible. want to start dropping pdps... but i feel so bad. like i feel obliged to stay or something. want to drop econs also. but. don't know lah. never dropped a subject before. maybe i should wait till after the first three months then change or something. give econs a couple more weeks to ahem prove it's worth to me. hahaha. omg i sound like i'm so wei da like that. hahaha. oh well. econs is so super not tailored for people like me. just had the econs test today. promptly declared that econs was a test of my linguistic ability. the ability to rephrase sentances over and over again to create what is superficially called an economics essay. as defined by me lah. total crap. haha. yesterday's chem test was just WONDERFUL. left wondering if i would pass. haha. so sad right. hmm. passed math on the dot. well. apparently everyone in my scg passed math. so i figured where i stood in the class. right at the bottom. dieee. i'm so screwed. can't wait for cny. time to go study and catch up a bit. haha. omg what's wrong with me. so no life.

haiz. oh well. more tests coming up. sigh. will they really be counted if i stay in tj? if they are, i'm totally screwed. sigh. really want to drop econs already. and maybe take up bio later on. don't know lah. feel like my life's in such a mess. only going to get more and more busy. so many projects due. bleahx. hmm. being posted to ntu for the chem research thing for scico as well. doing on some acrymalide in food thing. yups. ntu's like at the other end of the world lah. it's in the west. tj's in the east. so yeah. but it definately beats lab work in tj itself. like crystal growing. didn't want that. glad i'm getting to go out. meet the ntu lecturers and all. damn cool. hope i can cope with it though. all my tutorials! cannot finish them in time most of the time. so screwed lah. just wish i've some time to do like just one, two questions of tutorials for each subject or something but oh well. finally seizing opportunities. or trying to rather. not too bad. has paid off a bit. got into scico. went for surf and sweat. going to take part in the road run and biathlon. quite fun lah. but it's so tiring. being in tj as a whole. must really reconsider whether i should stay in tj. i get this weird feeling that i should just go back to cj where most of the ij people are. but... i don't know. part of me tells me to try something new. that's why i decided not to go to cj to start off with. yups. haiz. don' t know lah. i bet i failed the os anyhow. so yeah.

oh. this rubbished thing happened yesterday. first i left the house without my. didn't realise till i was on the bus lah. so nevermind. started reading through some of my chem lecture notes cos there was to be a test later on. so yups. read. dozed off for what seemed like a split second and happily found myself somewhere in bedok north. tj's in bedok south lah. had such a good mind to just go back home and skip school. can't stand being late mah. anyhow decided to ask some passerby after i got off at the nearest stop what time it was lah. 7.10. hmm. decided i was going to attempt to take a taxi there lah. that woman's really nice. was asking if i had enough money for the taxi ride and for lunch and all. was offering to give me money to go take the taxi lah. luckily i had more than enough. then again i'd feel so bad that even if i didn't have enough i wouldn't accept her offer. hahaha. anyhow finally got a taxi. asked him to get me to tj. he was like where's that. i was like omg. erm it's in bedok south? whoa luckily somehow i still managed to get to tj at like 7.25? ahaha. phew lah. sigh. jc's pe is run run run. not a bad thing of course. but it's a bit boring? i want to learn new games. like handball? floorball? something like that. oh well.

this entry is so long. nevermind. make up for all the time in which i won't be posting with? haha. hmm. i don't like physics anymore. it's getting me all confused. a bad thing of course. math also. dieee. i'm going to screw up every test there is. sigh sigh sigh. three mortals now. so weird. the senior class one. apparently he's in the sc? that's like all i know about him lah. how to write to him. ahaha. nvm nvm. oh the carnival was okay. business was damn good lah. could hardly cope. the bubble tea thing. so shocking. we were hoping optimistically to sell like 200 cups. bet we over-sold it. haha. newly invented word. haha. quite fun lah. for ONCE i felt a bit like i was part of the class. my scg's people are quite nice also lah. different classes but not bad they adknowledge my presence? hahaha. quite funny also. wanted to smash cream on me. oh well. got some in the end anyway. hahaha... not too bad lah. looking forward to cny. break time. finally sometime to sleep and to catch up a bit. for now it's ren ren ren loh. study, run, research, study somemore, run somemore and try to go swimming a bit. can lah. my gold star is useless manz. esp after so many years. hahha. =p sigh. busy busy busy. tmr will be no different from any other day. sigh. nothing left to say. not looking forward to a new day but oh well. life's a neverending learning experience and journey. we cannot stop. must keep going right till the end. yups. come what may then. we can handle it. i'm going to enter imh soon i tell you. intensive mugging heaven. sigh. who ever said that the first three months was slack?! omg lah. what slack. liars. lol. jkjk. but really lah. what rubbish. first three months is so NOT slacked at all. oh well. k. it's like 1.30am already? haiz. okay. that's all then.

quote of the day: f you can't fly, then run. if you can't run, then walk. if you can't walk, then crawl. but whatever you do, keep moving.

whee~~ surf and sweat rocks. looking forward to the biathalon. want to take patrt in it. more interesting than the vertical challenge. lol. i'm crazy. sooo funnnn. surfing was quite disasterous. practically went out to sea lah cos the stupid surf board woundn't turn properly. the guys in the kayaks were like don't look so dismayed leh. haha. funny. second person who told me that though the race just started. lol. but other than that quite fun lah. nice to surf =) and not too bad. moves relatively fast. -happy- i like the surf board. lol. running was funny. walked quite a fair bit. esp up hill. hahaha. managed to catch up with pple from the previous wave? a great accomplishment for me lah. happiness. almost caught up with helena also.. and she was in the previous wave lah. whee~~ just that she can super sprint even at the last part. pro pro. whee~~ 11th. according to the position i came in with. not too bad. but i'm definately not the 11th lah. the other waves behind were most probably a lot faster than me. whee~~ i want the biathalonnn!!! i suddenly feel to enthu. what's wrong with me. haha. cj people are nice. they have sportsmanship. =) hmm met so many people too. alicia, yuting, cheryl, xinying.. so many so many people. cool-el. felt quite accomplished and disappointed. accomplished cos i finished the race and wasn't last at any point. disappointed cos i kept stopping and walking unnecessarily. something's wrong with me this week. can't push myself mentally. the mind over matter thing. failed. bleahx. must push myself harder. yups. falala. so many pple in mixed. impressive. oh extreme was wow lah. kar gea pro. finished pretty fast. pro. wow. should try it sometime... if i dare to that is. hahahaha...

THE GOODIE BAG IS NICE. like omg lah. i loveee the rip curl diary! i'll take part in it every year for that. lol. just kidding. the shirt's okay. the stuff are cool lah. haha. damn nice. love it. looking forward to it next year. must do solo again. fun. biathalon also. want to do solo. solo's nice. =)yay! hmm had reunion dinner yesterday too in some funny hotel. hmm so i'm really the only one who went to jc? sigh. oh sci co orientation yesterday too. so super tiring. running running and more running. at sentosa also. games were okay. oh well. haha. my sewing skills have deproved. seriously. ahaha. hmm mmm. need a better timing for the road runs trials thing. must go run and take the timing again. tuesday i think. must have time to rest a little. =) ooh so competitions like these are fun too. bball's so stress. hahaah. OH MANZ. math test tmr. confirm fail one. dieeee. i so super cannot get it lah. so terrible. okay that's all. must go wash up and go study. oh my shoes. so dirty must wash them. whoa then sch how? omg. haha. i'll find a way... okay that's all. muahaha

hmm. parents teacher meeting today. like whatever lah. i don't care. hahaha. hmm. pe today. ran before school so yeah was feeling quite tired already for the run. 2.2 km up and down the slopes. took like 13 over mins. which btw is bad. but okay considering i already ran before that. and i started from right at the back of the cohord. muahaha. yeah. anyway pe is so super army style lah. they use whistles and all like omg lah. so super... whatever loh. but i'll survive. haha. got called up for chem tutorial to solve some stupid question dumb thing. luckily that was the question i did last night. phew. but... hmm the working so long lah. waste my time. haha. jkjk. what a thing to complain about. haha. oh i think i finally witnessed something like a taupok when we were celebrating the birthdays of the january babies. haha.

had some beta house cheering session also. left early for science council. i like the teacher. the head of science one. she's got a sense of humor. haha. get to meet our chem tutors next week. kind of excited i guess. chem rocks. whee~~ haha. =) having some compulsory science council orientation also. whee. we'll learn about research. but the actual research and projects will only start after the next intake. oh well. better than nothing. falala. oac was nice. learnt the know tying stuff. nice. reminded me a bit of obs. nice thought. i like. haha. hmm. ran again. falala. still feeling quite.. no. make that very unprepared for the surf and sweat thing. haiz. oh well. oh have to take part in the road run also. dieee. time to start running CONSTANTLY. haiz. oh well. i don't look like a local meh? how come so many people have asked me that already? hahaha. oh well. so terrible lah. jc. shortage of time. haiz. i'm like so super lost for physics already. need some time to go read up everything again and err absorb it. i so can't carry on like that. the rest of my subjects are dying also esp math. die lah. i'm going to fail every test there is now. econs essay test next week.. sure fail. math also. die lah. i'm so super screwed. struggling enough with my tutorials. cannot do! rarrrhh. sigh. how how how? sigh.