hmm. double digit number of ij tp pple coming to tj this year. oh no. should have warned them first. lol. kidding. hmm. but quite impressive. my batch there're only three of us. must be cos tj's entry points dropped so low. lol. kidding. but seriously it's damn low this year la te entry points. bleahx. not fairrrr... sigh. =( don't know la. but hope they stay around the east. sigh. let's hope so ba. then it won't be so far for them =/ hmm. ogl camp ended already. okay la. the shirts are a lot a lot nicer than this year's orientation shirts. not bad. and haha. most importantly,
i can dance dhoom dhoom!
wahaha. good good. took quite awhile but okay. can jiu hao le. heh. hmm. homework ar homework. cham... school reopening soon.. need to finish all of it. the online math how? think the portal closed le. haha. shit. oh well. sigh. rarrrhhh... now that my resolution to learn dhoom dhoom is done... next resolution... finish ALL the holiday homework. mmm. oh. records how.. er. okay. that has to be done too. heh. can one can one... will be able to finish it all. i must.

sometimes i don't understand people. i don't understand what a commitment means to them. sigh. looking back... this year alone, i've made so many mistakes. but through these i've learnt a lot. seriously a lot. mistakes like playing with important choices such as choosing which school to go to... bigger mistakes such as staying in a school which i never really favoured and is so freaking far. was so impractical, making impulsive choices. making so many wrong choices. being way too undecided, unable to decide... forever saying i don't know. or anything. sigh. if i could go back into time there's so much i'd want to change. so so much. if there was an award for the most number of mistakes made within a year... i'd win it. sigh. but now... i've one year to right all the wrongs. to get everything back into place. academics. everything. okay. maybe less than a year. i believe i can do it. i will do it. and i must.

anyway back to the commitment thing. sigh. this year i really learnt what commitment really means. maybe that's why i see things differently now ba. sigh. i don't know. now, hearing ogls- not necessarily beta ones. actually they're not. just a general thing. hearing ogls decide what time to come to school so that they can come late. just because they think that there will be a huge like 2 and a half hours waiting time like today for the ogl camp. sigh. seriously if everyone has this kind of mindset of like oh. tmr i shall come later so that i don't have to wait, at the end of the day, no one's going to be at the camp. whatever is missed during that time, it's entirely their problem. if their ogms ask them questions and they can't answer it, i'm sorry. their problem yet again. sigh. especially for those not in hc, no one forced you into the orientation programme. you VOLUNTEERED. you committed yourself to this. why do this now? it's not the school that forced you to serve it. you chose to. and when you do that it comes with a commitment clearly stated out to you since day one. is that not enough? will all these carry on to next year. if you're always late now, what makes you think you won't be late for next year's real orientation itself? if you're not prepared now, what makes you think you will be prepared then? think about it. what kind of mindset are you bringing up to the year ones? that everything can be ponned. that it's okay to be late or to skip everything? is that the way? if you think it's fine... then anything. have it your way. go right ahead. i don't care.

say one thing and do another. rarrhhh. think about it. you expect something from people yet your actions seem to be mirroring that or what you expect. the opposite. do you think it's fair to others? feel that it's fine? then go ahead. random comments. just a generalised thing. don't nag. it's irrirating. don't go on and on and on about absolutely nothing. don't talk one big round go back to the same point at the very end. just don't keep going around the bush, talking just for the sake of talking, or thinking too much into stuff in which there's seriously nothing to bother about. make a decision make a choice... stick with it. stop changing around it. stick with it and move on. something that i've learnt. and decisions to be made, think of it carefully before deciding, decide fast and act on it. don't drag. want to change something, change it immediately before it slips out of your mind. makes sense right. mmm. think before you talk. important k. don't talk for the sake of talking just so that maybe someone one fine day will think you make sense. try thinking first. then we'll see the sense. then stuff won't drag for so long.

sigh. nothing. just random stuff i've learnt this year. random thoughts. rarrhhh. so random today. need to learn dhoom dhoom. need to finish a lot of stuff. need to finish homework. so need to study and catch up. someone's advice for me- study. sigh. i suppose i really really need that. a new year's coming. i can do it. if i believe i that i can do it, i can and i will be able to do it

...what the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.

really la. when you're down you're down. there's no changing that. sigh.
anyway today's physio was so so scary la. the normal stuff. but then instead of the ultrasound thing. changed it to the electric stimulation. omg la. i'm scared of that. seriously. for three more sessions of that. ahh. don't want. sigh. oh well. it's like you can literally feel the electrical currents la. super painful. the current like forces your muscles to contract... super painful. like millions of heated needles poking my thigh near the knee there. kaoz. contract until so li hai. can literally feel the currents there la. painful! =( then hold for like what 10 seconds somemore. then rest dunno how many seconds. don't know how many repeatitions. for like 15 mins worth la. horrible. it's like you're sitting there. counting down the seconds until it happens again. then relax.. then counting down again. and so painful! =( supposed to strengthen the muscles. but... kaoz... oh well. and that's not the end la. still got after effects de. crap. next two to three days.. may experience numbness... pain... sudden muscle cramps and all. ahhh... =( some scary thing. =( at least three more times. sighhh

Rules of the Game:
1. Post 5 weird/random things about yourself
2. At the end of the quiz, list the names of 5 people whom you want next to do this and leave a comment 'you are tagged' on their tagboard and tell them to read your blog

er. yeah. got tagged twice already. rae hui and dorothy. so yeah. haha.

1. hmm. i'm a boring person. ha.
2. like the outdoors =)
3. likes bball but somehow am still er. not exactly tall.
4. can be super lame, rubbished at times. hmmm... -innocent look- don't know why...
5. hmm. sometimes i wish that i could stop time so that everything will remain as it is and will stop changing all the time

the 5 pple i want next to do this:
junsheng
timothy
yanling
jane
cheryl

sigh. i suppose....
when you're down, you're down. =(
when nothing goes your way, nothing will go your way. =(

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle,
when 24 hours in a day are not enough,
remember this story...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.
He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with a unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
"I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - God, family, children, health, friends, and favorite passions -- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else -- the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room
for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So...Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Play With your children. Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

"Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set
your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

hmm. quite true isn't it...

=) fun. haha. built beacon tower today. haha. campcraft. so scary. so high and er. slippery and muddy and scary. hahaha. but it's also so fun! wahaha. nice nice. =) fun fun. like this campcraft session. haha. campcraft is fun! haha. learnt new knots! learnt the snake lash and scafold hitch =) nice nice. think i forgot the diagonal lash le. the timber hitch part. ooh. remember le! woo hoo. hahaha. =) campcraft is fun. tying lashings and knots is fun. pioneering is fun. orienteering's fun too! =) kayaking not bad. haha. kim is happy. =) ooh. and the square lash i tied myself passed. haha. nice. nice and neat and tight =) i like. hahaha.. =) but think it still needs to be tighter leh. oh well. hahaha. lashing and orienteering are fun. =) woo hoo. hahaha... hope monday's one will be er. pretty okay. haha. must keep oac standard. a bit hard. try try. mmm. =)

yesterday went to back to ij! haha. trained with them for a short while. was there for one and a half hours but trained for less than half that time. haha. but it's good to see the school again ba. the new school looks not too bad. haha. went jurong to play. haha. interesting. never really went there before. something new ba. haha. oh yeah. the coach said that i'm like growing fatter! so so saddd! how can. bleahx. must lose weight le. lol. oh well. sad sad. haha... oh. bought tents and all with yin wei , eng wei and all. hmm. know where arab street is le. then know how to orienteer from there to beach road there also. haha. then went back to tj. haha. oh man. tj only has two gates. and i've climbed both already. uh. hmm. yeah. haha. oh well. yeah then went to expo and went to changi airport to eat with wai kit, sze sian, wei kheam and all. hahaha.. interesting. sky train rocks! woo hoo =)

haha. =) kind of lazy to type somemore le. =) oh well. haha. not bad. but really must start studying leh. if not next year i'll be so screwed... =/ and what do i do now with everything else? hmm. ntu thing? tiki? sigh. some stuff to think about ba. hmm. must sort everything out soon =)

haha. year plan was done today! woo hoo! got more orienteering sessions le. woo hoo. nice nice. orienteering orienteering and more orienteering! rocks! muahaha... so fun. doing so many orienteering. like the whole range. somewhat excited about it. don't know why. ahahaha. =) just fun. haha. rocks. =) still sad. no 2005 maps being sold at beach road. shall have to try out the bookstores and all. haha. our tents are sad. like two to three workable tents only so far. the rest all got problems here and there. =( realised must really plan stuff fast and early. then when it comes closer to the date, review the proposals again and make the necessary changes. realised that's the way ba. rather than doing it last minute? haha. shall clear all the january ones soon and start on the febuary stuff. haha. oh man. can't really believe next year year two le. why do i not want it to come? so sad. time flies away again. and it's another new day. and another and another. before you know it it's december already. before you know it, school has reopened. sigh. such a sad thought. if only time could just stop. just stop and remain like that forever. but it's just impossible. please don't let everything change so fast. sigh. need to catch up with my work. so need to. sigh. i can do it. please let me have this holidays right.

what is your deepest fear.
eng wei asked me that today. that's a good question. one that i've no answer to as of yet. still thinking of it. sounds like a somewhat answer-able question. but in actual fact it's a difficult one. hmm. anyway, realised today that it is indeed tough to get an actual picture of what's going on all the time. take for example, today's super long meeting. long meeting cos information was given to us. not too correct. and poof. we've all the different viewpoints on that topic. some see it the direct way. some see it the cheemer way. realised it really takes a lot of time for everyone to see the same thing some people are seeing. as in not to persuade. but to actually understand the rationale behind stuff and all. hmm. yeah. long time for everyone to somewhat "see the light". yeah. nowadays i realised meetings tend to go on and on. i dunno why. seems pretty long each time. all the different meetings. unfocused maybe? and maybe too much er nonsensical debates at times. like always reinterating a point that someone else has already made. just maybe rephrased. so what we get is the same point repeated over and over again in different phrasing by different pple. wonderful. wonderful and time consuming at the same time. okay. yeah. don't know la. haha. maybe i'm not making much sense now? hmm. yeah. but interesting question still. what is your deepest fear. gosh. going to think about it throughout the night la...

realised time really flies. approaching december le. i should have studied during this mth. should be halfway through my holiday homework. but nooo.. where am i. rarrrhhh.. need to start studying. someone stop me from doing other stuff all the time. sigh. hmm. pple going in for ns so so soon also. omg la. can't really imagine. less pple to talk to. sigh. so sad. =( then year twos graduating le. means year ones coming in soon. sigh. it'd be so different. so.. unfamiliar. can just imagine. don't know la. rinjani coming soon also. i'm not prepared. i can't do it. need to start some light training then buildup. arggh. but i don't know how. can't overshoot the limit. if not yeah. i already know what will happen if i do. =( sigh. this holidays doesn't seem like a holiday at all. seeing tj way too much. horrible. =/ want to go back to ij. want to see watch the bball training and maybe join in a little bit. i wanttt... i want to see the new school building that's way overdue as well. sigh. so many i wants. why aren't i doing something about it then? hmm. time for thinking again. haha. ignore this entire thing. sorry for wasting your time reading this. haha. i need to stardeeee!

ha. realised there are only four colours in my main wardrobe...
red black blue and white
that's about it. hahaha. so funny. so my life revolves around these colours. and green-uniform. that's all. hahaha... don't know why i'm blogging this down. maybe i'm just too bored? haha. can't really be bothered to do the i&r. no mood to write it at all! ahh. help me... must finish it by today though. bleahx. =(
no link i realise. haha

Your Personality Profile

You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant. Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle. You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs. For you, comfort and calm are very important. You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection. You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

sigh. i don't like doing these stupid tests. bleahx.
then why did i do it anyway? =(
i dunnoooo -whines-

i've decided. if i fail to meet the basic criteria for passing the promos, i will withdraw from college. not going to repeat year one again. no way. enough of jc already. i'll find somewhere else to go to. yups. so now let's just wait and see...

finally it's over. been waiting for this day to come for so so long. big relief that it's ended. think the promos is so so so much worse than going in for the o levels. seriously. only wondering if it's enough to pass the promos. math is so dead. scared. don't know what's going to happen for that. if fail... whoa... really will cry la. the only subject i bothered to redo all the tutorials for. do until want to cry la. bio hope can pass ba. chem is gone. totally gone. don't bother. i think it's like confirm plus gurantee plus chop fail. kaoz. sigh. what happened what happened. best subj. worst results. sigh. chem... cham ar. how how how... -wails- i like chem. why didn't i really study for it. kaoz. sigh. physics hope can pass ba... hope... seemed doable. not too bad for someone who only studied the night before. but never passed physics before la. so er. a bit the quite uncertain of anything also. sigh. so tempted to drop it. see how ba. scarly gp also fail. that one cham. horrible la. think will be worse than jct. mmm. chinese confirm fail. don't even need to try the paper. really confirm fail... mmm. quite screwed. see how ba... for now... other stuff to do ba. and want to go out! haha... yeah. ahh.. please pass me for the promos.. =/ ahaha.. how i wish...

been quite awhile. a lot stuff's been happening i suppose. but no time to actually sit down and reflect about it. sigh. promos right at my doorstep now. really scared. so afraid it'd be a repeat of the jcts again. can't let it happen again. if only i had really really started mugging 10 weeks ago like they told me too. just couldn't sustain it. my fault. promos starting tmr already but i still feel so unsure of everything and just so lousy. feel as if i really don't know much of my syllabus at all. tell me why i stuck with all four subjects. why didn't i just drop one when i had the chance to. sigh. it's all too late now. past week or so been staying back in school until 8 plus to study. last minute pia-ing. so unsure if it'd work. realised i've only been focusing on passing math. redid almost all my tutorials since the start of the year. really want to cry la. if i fail math or get worse than a d.. i'll seriously cry. sigh. other three subjects how now? my promos timetable is horrible la. all my subjs cramped into a few days. i'll be one of the earliest to end the promos. sigh. oh the horrors. how how how.. my three sciences. so much to study for and really so so little time. sigh. this is so aimless. came into tj wanting to take two s pprs. now it's a struggle just to pass this examination. why did i allow this to happen. sigh... too late for changes. now just all regrets. sigh. my three sciences! gone gone gone... sighhh

hmm. yesterday was jts... mmm. lunch was not bad la. though i didn't really have much of an idea as to what to eat and all. sat at siang weng rachael and liesel that side... sometimes quiet sometimes not bad de. haha. shit. what am i talking about. haha. but yeah.. okay la. haha. realised some people can really eat manz. haha. wow. i'm impressed loh. hahaha... then hmm. suddenly celebrated wei kheam's and my birthdays.. haha. shocked! was still wondering what happened.. haha.. think he was too ba. both of us shocked loh. haha. hmm. yeah. thanks to everyone.. =) haha. then went to marina bay.. apparently to fly kite and do mass dance. bei snrs cai zhong. haha. quite funny. then went there ended up playing pool. i seriously cmi. dunno how to play la. haha. hmm. then some of us went to seriously fly kite and mass dance on the grass field. haha... quite fun.. =) yups. then the normal stuff for jts loh. exchange of gifts and all. hmm.. the oac badge quite nice. =D yc quite nice also. burn cds of the photos for us. wahaha. yeah then went to suntec for dinner at the foodcourt there.. then somehow don't know how it started.. started playing truth or dare.. hmm. yeah. hahaha.. gew rocks! hahaha. yeah manz. i likes.. haha. shan't elaborate. LOL. kidding. haha

real run today. quite interesting la. realised running on sand sucks like crazy. like seriously la. it sucks big time. so tiring. haha. kidding. i sound like i'm whining. lol. but not bad la. eh interesting experience. think i saw michael there? with the sji on duty pple. hahaha. think la. not sure also. at the trail part of the run i think. haha.. yeah. anyway some pple are really crazy.. 30+mins for 10km?! omg la. crazy pple. how in the world did they do that?! super impressed. haha. then got put onto stage.. haha. dj sang the happy birthday song. don't know how he got to that but yeah. haha. got present from him somemore. LOL. hahaha. quite funny la. interesting. haha. oh yeah. at the run met xinying! long time no see.. eh.. saw wyna and all also.. cj odac. =) haha. yups yups.. had lunch at harbourfront there. dead beat now. so tired still.. oh well. happy birthday to me... lol. though most pple forgot. hahaha. kidding. anyway tired so yups. cya.. wahaha..

hmm. okay. been awhile. time really flies. near the end of the month already. so so fast. sigh. hmm. had triathlon just the other day. not bad. nicer than the biathlon. haha. i really don't swim fast. time to train liao. i should. hardly ever swim in my life. haha. doc said swimming's better the the knees. lol. =) right. haha. not bad la. quite fun. haha. eh had intrahouse thing also. mmm. not the best but we tried. haha. limited resources ma. so relativelt not bad already. haha. a lot of arp. haha. yeah seriously a lot. hmm. oh nafta. haha. 2.4... haha. cham ar. ended up walking in the end. hahaha. timing not say very good la. but mmm. in this context a can already right. realised knee really cmi loh. don't know why. oh well. 5 items.. not bad la. shuttle run 10+ sec. not bad liao. sit and reach super la. first time in my life touch 50. just nice. heng ar. hahaha. so got the thirty points. =) something that makes me feel alright. =D especially after all the rubbished injury stuff. =( oh well. yeah. hmm. been passing math. i'm impressed. haha. oh well. ahaha. hmm. teachers day celebration tmr. probably going to cj in the evening. haha. yeah. mmm. a lot of stuff ba.. haha. new balance real run coming liao! excited right! haha. =) same. but don't know whether i'll run. hmm. yeah. depends ba i suppose. see how. haha. why am i being so random today? haha. weird... mmm

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't

How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

hmm. been quite a while la. parents teacher dialogue... having to see the vp and all. realise that mmm quite bad la. academics and everything. have to put in more effort le. no choice. yups. today not too bad la. passed math lect test. the differentiation one. 16/25. impressive. expected to fail. haha. but today's chem lect test. think that one really will fail la. haha. super cham that one. oh well. nevermind. i shall pass next week's physics test yes? haha. =) er. gtg le. got stuff to do. haha.

hmm. handover day last week was pretty memorable though most of the stuff i didn't really do. the running... the log obstacles... the pushups to make up the pledge of which i ended up doing sit ups? and the holding in push up position to finish up the other part of the stuff. and the oac statement. whoa. then yups. got what i wanted.. land. =) rocks. haha. yups yups. had some sort of review thing for our year plan. busyyy... mmm. but not bad la. i like. haha. pft coming up soon. shit. my running howww.. later deprove like siao. last year already deprove to 12mins le for the 2.4... ahh. this year i think will be even more cham la. haiz. nevermind. some interhouse soccer competition coming up soon also. yups. shit. i'm being super random today. mmm. jct results out also. mmm. failed loh. nothing much to say. brought it upon myself basically. yups. oh well. sigh. been sick the entire weekend already la. siannn. haiz. need to start doing my tutorials consistantly. must at least put in some form of effort. haiz. sighhh. and must pia for the promos soon already.. sigh. with my this kind of grades.. no choice le. -whines- sighhh