i realise... my life is really in a mess. and i need to start getting things right one step at a time. i miss... i miss a lot of things. sigh. the nights in loola kept me thinking. oh well. a step at a time.

anyway, tomorrow's mothers day. only realised after jiamin mentioned it at the cafe this afternoon. heh. oh well realising it's mothers day tmr and i'm doing closing... decided to rush home after i was done to cook dinner today. realised i haven't had a dinner together with my family for a long long time. =( suddenly made me remember one of my goals set on read bridge that i should start spending more time with my family. i'm beginning to think so too.

loola was pretty interesting. very different type of camp for dunman high. but pretty cool. got to do boomnetting and zipline again. the locals are really funny. always entertaining us. haha... thanks ar. and hey omg we climbed up coconut trees and plucked the coconuts. haha. i conclude that sitting ontop of the bus is still the best mode of transport around bintan as opposed to sitting in the bus. haha. whee i saw many many schools of flying fish while kayaking too on our island expeditions... there was a school of flying fish jumping right next to my kayak la. so funkaye. saw shooting stars too =) wish upon a shooting star yeah. whee... overseas cip-ed too. helped to get the library of some school in place and painted the wall. fun! whee... haha but i was so shocked when the trekking was trekking up a gunung. haha oh man i wasn't mentally prepared for it seriously. fun fun but super super steep. i think my knee wanted to break after it lar. rope ascend up and down lor. oh well. hahaha... but cool. like my class. really nice to get a hug before they leave. the teacher in charge wang lao shi also super cute la. always so enthu and willing to try new things. pei fu pei fu. really cool when she told me xie xie ni ke yi kan chu wo ban de gu niang man xi huan ni de. whee... no lor. should be xie xie to the class for making my four days there pretty enjoyable. guess i'll miss having them around.

went for the four two gathering right after breaking camp. wow haven't seen them in literally year. realised i really always go missing for the longest periods of time... quite tired of people asking me why im so busy or if im ever free. sometimes i just wish to have a few free days. a few free days to do whatever i want. quite shi bai. i realised i haven't managed to do a lot of stuff that i've wanted to do since the end of my A levels. example- boardsailing. just a one day course. or rather pretty much half day... i haven't even managed to make time for that. =( ahh. shall stop here before i start whining or something. need to relearn emath now. it's been a long long time. heh. tired...

how do you know when you're losing it?
when you go for a run and your knee yells out in pain you run faster.
when your ankle starts hurting as well you go even faster.
when your back starts to ache you continue running.
when your other knee decides that it's enough and starts to hurt as well you keep on going.
normal people stop and rest.

feels good to run again after so long. see a long run is still the best way to get everything off your mind. i miss running. i need it.
ran the old boys 5km route. 22mins 37 secs. not bad i guess considering i'm still sick, haven't ran for so long and my body's like degenerating or something. still faster than my 2.4 timings in tj i realise. guess a break is good. but i just wasted that i haven't been running during my you're not supposed to be running anymore period of time. im back to square one again. sigh.
running helps. momentarily. but suddenly im hurting even more than ever ='(

sigh grandpa's just been admitted into hospital. things just keep getting more interesting don't they. promised faez i'd go see the doc too. then i need to head down to the cafe. arggh. i need... a break...

just received the letter for nus. i really don't know whether to be happy or to be sad to have received that letter. last year's enrolment for engineering school: more pple are enrolled into chem engin than common engin. er i must be so lucky. rarh. damn la. guess it's the i didn't take physics part? rarhs. went to ntu for the talk the other day. didn't realise accountancy is so competitive. 60% of the intake are three As students. errr... and yeah sam and i did get in through the direct admissions after all. hmm... i really don't know. i think i need a lot of time. a lot of time to think everything through.

anyway back from camp at mawai. pretty interesting experience apart from the perpetual lack of water. students from the international school are really different from local students. i guess that's what makes them really interesting. but hey for 9 year olds to go trekking up a mountain... i think they did well. not an easy task. caught up with my good friends mr leeches. but again they refused to bite me. fine. camping again soon. loola next week. realised doing camps is a good way of trying to get away from everything. though i guess it doesn't work all that much. heh.