and so the marathon has started.
i'll get through this day by day, paper by paper.
and before i know it, it'll be the 6th.
and i'll be momentarily freed.
mon, tues, wed, thurs, mon, tues.
fast and furious.
we'll all get through this together =)
studying with yishu, yunhui and oliver in the dining hall is always a blast.
feeling a little more focused this sem.
still a bit worried for the streaming...
but talking with teik zhen last night seriously made things feel a lot better.
probably cos he's the only one around who's also been there done that.
should seriously start talking to him more often. haha =)
math today. sigh. step by step we'll get through this. =)
Sunday, April 27, 2008
the expected is what we live for.
the unexpected is what changes our lives. =)
it's time to be who you are,
and say what you feel.
because those who mind don't matter.
and those who matter don't mind.
i can and i will. once the holidays are here =)
i can get through this.
shall we get through this together? =p
the unexpected is what changes our lives. =)
it's time to be who you are,
and say what you feel.
because those who mind don't matter.
and those who matter don't mind.
i can and i will. once the holidays are here =)
i can get through this.
shall we get through this together? =p
Friday, April 25, 2008
it's quite scary when you stop and think.
and you realise.
that you barely recognise the person standing opposite you when you look into the mirror.
such a pale shadow of the person you used to be.
being so down for nearly an entire year is not funny. at all.
it's so difficult when you finally find yourself, only to be let down by so many things within the same period of time.
when you're finally loud, happy, rarh rarh, confident, crazy, noisy, rubbished, positive, decisive, promising and all.
maybe it just takes a couple of really hard successive hits to bring someone down so low.
the knee and hip op the day after engin.
yeah it was probably my own fault that i took it so hard on myself.
but it was seriously a very frustrating struggle.
i still remember being so super pissed off that i could barely reach a slow jogging speed even when i was forcing myself to try to sprint during fwoc.
so pissed off i forced myself off crutches way too early. weeks before i was allowed to in a hope that i would regain back my independance. forcing myself to take part in sports though honestly i was only allowed to start running just before the ihg competition days itself.
its even more frustrating realising that i should really start retiring from sports.
still feeling the effects of the op even during things like block games.
but honestly what kind of pathetic captain would i make if i did.
like what we always say. lead by example. that i really believe in.
when you start seeing too much of the real world. until you get quite turned off by it even if it doesnt affect you directly. shant elaborate further. if you know, you know. heh. general disappointment with some people. sigh. maybe some day you'll understand.
when you sent me up and down that emotional rollercoaster ride. for gaining my trust and feelings. making it a fairytale before sending it suddenly crashing down. thanks for making me think twice before being able to trust or confide in people anymore. because i realise my judgement can be wrong. at the time when it mattered the most.
engin too. the vice dean for making that phone call to persuade me to accept the common engin offer. mistake. should have opted straight for chem eng. disappointing how you get left there stranded after accepting. one sem of screwed up clashing modules, weekly lab reports, lousy timetables and lectures and tutorials alone. like come on. whats the point of having a tutorial group in common engin. when i only take math as a common module with my classmates. and i don't even have the same lecture slot as them. and had to bid for my own class for tutorial. what rubbish. but you accept it since they promised to plan out a proper timetable for you the following semester. and when you thought it couldnt get any worse. they completely forget to plan timetable the following sem. leaving you with completely clashing modules which cors rejects. with them telling you that it's not possible at all for you to get into your choice of engin because the modules that you need to take clash. seriously. what rubbish. if you weren't ready to take in an oddcase student like me, why bother. and why bother to call me to ask me to accept the offer. thanks for leaving me stuck doing 6 engin core in a semester. having to get 4.0 for this sem alone which is blatantly impossible already to have a fighting chance to get into chem engin. if not i'd fall back one sem into some random engin. a trade off for certain exemptions because some people forgot to plan my timetable for me. thanks a lot. and now even if i can't make it into chem engin. i can only "qualify" based on certain exemptions which i'd have to fulfill later on environmental engin. rank the 9 engin disciplines according to your choice of interest. fake. tell me where the 9 are. and the streaming is so competitive this year. how do you feel if you're a student out of a cohort of a thousand plus, fighting for like 10 plus, or less than 10 spaces for the engin of your choice. especially when you're already starting in the most disadvantageous scenerio possible. how would you feel if that one choice is the ony choice that you've ever wanted. seriously you'd never understand how freaking frustrating the entire thing is. unless. unless it happened to you. sometimes i really don't know why i bother.
expectations expectations expectations. so what if i did well for the a levels. so what if i used to hold certain positions. i'll be honest. i hate being pressured to live up to expectations. give me some space to breathe. i hate being forced to make rash decisions. i don't like being forced into things. i make my decisions as and when i like and need to. you know... actually usually when i sound very uncertain or don't want to give you a confirmed answer or act as if i don't really dare to do something because of something else. i would already have made my decision. which would hardly ever be suayed even if i'm mmm ahh okie true-ing you. i only make decisions on my own if i'm confident of succeeding in whatever i've decided on. i do happen to have my own chain of thoughts. and i'm actually very confident of the things i do. i'm tired of always remembering to have to say the right thing. if that's always the way, i still think i'd rather just shut up and listen and not comment.
i don't like being so quiet like i am now. i don't like having nothing to say. i don't like being too tired of thinking of a conversation topic to crap to you about. actually im quite unconfortable with it. but i don't know. for quite awhile already i've already long relegated myself to that. it's weird having nothing to say. but i somehow cant get myself to move past it these days.
i must i must use the upcoming holidays to find back myself. i don't want to be remembered as this shadow. i want to be remembered as me. =)
now that i've been so honest with how i feel and how i think. will you be honest back to me? heh.
the one thing i love about this blog. that few people know about its existance. so i can really say whatever i wish/want to say. i can find myself. i will. =)
random. was reading ridhwan's blog. actually i really enjoy reading his blog. always lets you see a different perspective to life. makes you rethink and keep in mind some things. sensible, motivational entries. yes la. ridhwan rocks. =)
alright. i think the lack of sleep is getting to me soon. back to mugging though.
i really really need the 4.0.
i can i can get into chem engin.
though i've had one too many academic shake ups already.
but still...
did you really think i'd have accepted common engin if i wasn't confident of getting in? haha. food for thought. =)
and you realise.
that you barely recognise the person standing opposite you when you look into the mirror.
such a pale shadow of the person you used to be.
being so down for nearly an entire year is not funny. at all.
it's so difficult when you finally find yourself, only to be let down by so many things within the same period of time.
when you're finally loud, happy, rarh rarh, confident, crazy, noisy, rubbished, positive, decisive, promising and all.
maybe it just takes a couple of really hard successive hits to bring someone down so low.
the knee and hip op the day after engin.
yeah it was probably my own fault that i took it so hard on myself.
but it was seriously a very frustrating struggle.
i still remember being so super pissed off that i could barely reach a slow jogging speed even when i was forcing myself to try to sprint during fwoc.
so pissed off i forced myself off crutches way too early. weeks before i was allowed to in a hope that i would regain back my independance. forcing myself to take part in sports though honestly i was only allowed to start running just before the ihg competition days itself.
its even more frustrating realising that i should really start retiring from sports.
still feeling the effects of the op even during things like block games.
but honestly what kind of pathetic captain would i make if i did.
like what we always say. lead by example. that i really believe in.
when you start seeing too much of the real world. until you get quite turned off by it even if it doesnt affect you directly. shant elaborate further. if you know, you know. heh. general disappointment with some people. sigh. maybe some day you'll understand.
when you sent me up and down that emotional rollercoaster ride. for gaining my trust and feelings. making it a fairytale before sending it suddenly crashing down. thanks for making me think twice before being able to trust or confide in people anymore. because i realise my judgement can be wrong. at the time when it mattered the most.
engin too. the vice dean for making that phone call to persuade me to accept the common engin offer. mistake. should have opted straight for chem eng. disappointing how you get left there stranded after accepting. one sem of screwed up clashing modules, weekly lab reports, lousy timetables and lectures and tutorials alone. like come on. whats the point of having a tutorial group in common engin. when i only take math as a common module with my classmates. and i don't even have the same lecture slot as them. and had to bid for my own class for tutorial. what rubbish. but you accept it since they promised to plan out a proper timetable for you the following semester. and when you thought it couldnt get any worse. they completely forget to plan timetable the following sem. leaving you with completely clashing modules which cors rejects. with them telling you that it's not possible at all for you to get into your choice of engin because the modules that you need to take clash. seriously. what rubbish. if you weren't ready to take in an oddcase student like me, why bother. and why bother to call me to ask me to accept the offer. thanks for leaving me stuck doing 6 engin core in a semester. having to get 4.0 for this sem alone which is blatantly impossible already to have a fighting chance to get into chem engin. if not i'd fall back one sem into some random engin. a trade off for certain exemptions because some people forgot to plan my timetable for me. thanks a lot. and now even if i can't make it into chem engin. i can only "qualify" based on certain exemptions which i'd have to fulfill later on environmental engin. rank the 9 engin disciplines according to your choice of interest. fake. tell me where the 9 are. and the streaming is so competitive this year. how do you feel if you're a student out of a cohort of a thousand plus, fighting for like 10 plus, or less than 10 spaces for the engin of your choice. especially when you're already starting in the most disadvantageous scenerio possible. how would you feel if that one choice is the ony choice that you've ever wanted. seriously you'd never understand how freaking frustrating the entire thing is. unless. unless it happened to you. sometimes i really don't know why i bother.
expectations expectations expectations. so what if i did well for the a levels. so what if i used to hold certain positions. i'll be honest. i hate being pressured to live up to expectations. give me some space to breathe. i hate being forced to make rash decisions. i don't like being forced into things. i make my decisions as and when i like and need to. you know... actually usually when i sound very uncertain or don't want to give you a confirmed answer or act as if i don't really dare to do something because of something else. i would already have made my decision. which would hardly ever be suayed even if i'm mmm ahh okie true-ing you. i only make decisions on my own if i'm confident of succeeding in whatever i've decided on. i do happen to have my own chain of thoughts. and i'm actually very confident of the things i do. i'm tired of always remembering to have to say the right thing. if that's always the way, i still think i'd rather just shut up and listen and not comment.
i don't like being so quiet like i am now. i don't like having nothing to say. i don't like being too tired of thinking of a conversation topic to crap to you about. actually im quite unconfortable with it. but i don't know. for quite awhile already i've already long relegated myself to that. it's weird having nothing to say. but i somehow cant get myself to move past it these days.
i must i must use the upcoming holidays to find back myself. i don't want to be remembered as this shadow. i want to be remembered as me. =)
now that i've been so honest with how i feel and how i think. will you be honest back to me? heh.
the one thing i love about this blog. that few people know about its existance. so i can really say whatever i wish/want to say. i can find myself. i will. =)
random. was reading ridhwan's blog. actually i really enjoy reading his blog. always lets you see a different perspective to life. makes you rethink and keep in mind some things. sensible, motivational entries. yes la. ridhwan rocks. =)
alright. i think the lack of sleep is getting to me soon. back to mugging though.
i really really need the 4.0.
i can i can get into chem engin.
though i've had one too many academic shake ups already.
but still...
did you really think i'd have accepted common engin if i wasn't confident of getting in? haha. food for thought. =)
sigh alrights.
while i'm trying to make sense of what i'm supposed to be studying,
and partially emo-ing over the streaming which is so scarily competitive this year.
i mean like in a cohort of a thousand plus you can be fighting for like 10plus, 8 or 4 places for the engin of your choice.
doesn't help that you're obviously not the top notch engineer of your time.
zero interest = jialat.
cannot. must focus focus focus. it'd be over soon.
at least it'd be good to know that at least at the end of the day i did try.
at least for the study week to make the most of what i have and can do.
not that i'd have no regrets cos its obvious that i already screwed up my year one.
but at least lesser regrets is better than yeah you know.
oh well.
anyway,
stress reliever:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVhRlsw4-HE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHjVZVtXW0s
omggg. david cook really melts my heart away la. billie jean as well.
amazing vocal performance as always.
whoa. =D
hahahaha and wheee
http://youtube.com/watch?v=s8MDNFaGfT4
you so so so have to love this. =)
oliver introduced this to me. and im still so highly amazed by it. lol =D
its peanut butter jelly time! haha =)
anyway, i realised more than ever. even when certain friends disappoint you so,
there are always those few who are always there for you.
thanks for the listening ears, thanks for the concern.
though i hardly ever verbally say this but...
honestly i really appreciate it.
and also thanks froggie... for dropping by with the pao pao cha too =)
the things your friends can do to make your day =)
back to mugging! lol.
while i'm trying to make sense of what i'm supposed to be studying,
and partially emo-ing over the streaming which is so scarily competitive this year.
i mean like in a cohort of a thousand plus you can be fighting for like 10plus, 8 or 4 places for the engin of your choice.
doesn't help that you're obviously not the top notch engineer of your time.
zero interest = jialat.
cannot. must focus focus focus. it'd be over soon.
at least it'd be good to know that at least at the end of the day i did try.
at least for the study week to make the most of what i have and can do.
not that i'd have no regrets cos its obvious that i already screwed up my year one.
but at least lesser regrets is better than yeah you know.
oh well.
anyway,
stress reliever:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVhRlsw4-HE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHjVZVtXW0s
omggg. david cook really melts my heart away la. billie jean as well.
amazing vocal performance as always.
whoa. =D
hahahaha and wheee
http://youtube.com/watch?v=s8MDNFaGfT4
you so so so have to love this. =)
oliver introduced this to me. and im still so highly amazed by it. lol =D
its peanut butter jelly time! haha =)
anyway, i realised more than ever. even when certain friends disappoint you so,
there are always those few who are always there for you.
thanks for the listening ears, thanks for the concern.
though i hardly ever verbally say this but...
honestly i really appreciate it.
and also thanks froggie... for dropping by with the pao pao cha too =)
the things your friends can do to make your day =)
back to mugging! lol.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
come to think about it.
i'm actually more disappointed because i actually bothered about you.
how i actually bothered to give you a listening ear.
to have tried to help by talking to you.
to have spoken up to defended you and your actions when others talked about it.
to have actually cared as a friend.
i see now more than ever who you really are.
no amount of facade would let me see you the way you used to be.
because its only now that i know what you truly are.
do whatever you wish.
i really couldn't care more.
i'm actually more disappointed because i actually bothered about you.
how i actually bothered to give you a listening ear.
to have tried to help by talking to you.
to have spoken up to defended you and your actions when others talked about it.
to have actually cared as a friend.
i see now more than ever who you really are.
no amount of facade would let me see you the way you used to be.
because its only now that i know what you truly are.
do whatever you wish.
i really couldn't care more.
perhaps friends are just the people who end up disappointing you the most.
better friends, even worse.
and when you thought you'd learnt enough to protect yourself from such people,
someone steps in once again with an even bigger magnitude.
someone you once thought you would probably be able to trust.
perhaps disappointment is not strong enough a word.
but then now that im so used to such rubbish.
it makes no difference to me.
i can do with one less person to talk to.
thanks.
too bad its scary how indifferent i've learnt to become.
better friends, even worse.
and when you thought you'd learnt enough to protect yourself from such people,
someone steps in once again with an even bigger magnitude.
someone you once thought you would probably be able to trust.
perhaps disappointment is not strong enough a word.
but then now that im so used to such rubbish.
it makes no difference to me.
i can do with one less person to talk to.
thanks.
too bad its scary how indifferent i've learnt to become.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
boo while im at home with a working laptop for once (my laptop really cmi these days) sigh.
shall update a bit before i go into mia status.
they say a picture speaks a thousand words right?
there's a super long essay/thesis. lol.
many thousand words =p
johnny johnny johnny whoosh's birthday =)
yanling, sheepie and liyuan
bird-attack! wishing sheepie a happy happy birthday! =)
april's fool 2008. haha while being under constant attack from the guys...
yes la! the girls still rocked!
haha super super excitingly fun =)
cant wait for next year =D
omggg now what's this?!
heh. ice delivery anyone?
frozen underwear cocktail.
serving underwears frozen with soap shampoo and a whole lot of perfume together with rose syrup muahaha... interested?
exhibition of the d-block guy's undies
yes la! girl power =p
whee diva's night 2008 =)
DIVAS indeed =)
dance =)
epitome of funkaye
super funkaye photo. love it =)
d-blk's very own very famous band =p
whee shall update again on command after our block command =)
provided im not mugging for my cm test this week (which im supposed to be mugging for)
haha. alrights. thats it for now... cyaaa!
shall update a bit before i go into mia status.
they say a picture speaks a thousand words right?
there's a super long essay/thesis. lol.
many thousand words =p
johnny johnny johnny whoosh's birthday =)
our make shift johnny who wasnt around for us to celebrate his birthday with =p
happy birthday, love glacius! lol.
sheepie sheepie duuu where are youuu's birthday =)
amanda and i
yanling, sheepie and liyuan
bird-attack! wishing sheepie a happy happy birthday! =)
april's fool 2008. haha while being under constant attack from the guys...
yes la! the girls still rocked!
haha super super excitingly fun =)
cant wait for next year =D
omggg now what's this?!
heh. ice delivery anyone?
frozen underwear cocktail.
serving underwears frozen with soap shampoo and a whole lot of perfume together with rose syrup muahaha... interested?
exhibition of the d-block guy's undies
yes la! girl power =p
whee diva's night 2008 =)
DIVAS indeed =)
dance =)
epitome of funkaye
super funkaye photo. love it =)
d-blk's very own very famous band =p
whee shall update again on command after our block command =)
provided im not mugging for my cm test this week (which im supposed to be mugging for)
haha. alrights. thats it for now... cyaaa!
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