sick sleep sleep sleep
sick sleep sleep sleep
my seemingly relatively unproducive study week.
and now the midterms are here =(
i need to stop sleeping.
Friday, September 26, 2008
central library-ed today.
bought my first cash card
used the photocopier there for the first time.
haha omggg it's so fun. =)
where have i been for the last academic year.
if only i knew abt this earlier. then i'd have mugged in my year one.
rbr books are cool. haha.
haha im such a cheap thrill-er. =p
sigh the s/u thing's stuck in my mind.
no idea if its possible to request/beg them to let me s/u my last semester's modules now.
its a little more than a LITTLE late.
but sigh it really makes a super huge difference to my cap.
should probably give it a try. if not i'd be regretting this for a long time to come. not that i don't already regret not having been around to check my s/u options last sem cos i was in camp. =(
anyway i was randomly typing your blog address after reading someone's msn nick about remembering how things were last year. then i realised its no longer in the long long list of last visited websites. then i stopped typing. i realised. i've moved on. a long time ago. especially after the start of this new academic year. i've completely moved on. definately. lucky me. i hope you have too =)
bought my first cash card
used the photocopier there for the first time.
haha omggg it's so fun. =)
where have i been for the last academic year.
if only i knew abt this earlier. then i'd have mugged in my year one.
rbr books are cool. haha.
haha im such a cheap thrill-er. =p
sigh the s/u thing's stuck in my mind.
no idea if its possible to request/beg them to let me s/u my last semester's modules now.
its a little more than a LITTLE late.
but sigh it really makes a super huge difference to my cap.
should probably give it a try. if not i'd be regretting this for a long time to come. not that i don't already regret not having been around to check my s/u options last sem cos i was in camp. =(
anyway i was randomly typing your blog address after reading someone's msn nick about remembering how things were last year. then i realised its no longer in the long long list of last visited websites. then i stopped typing. i realised. i've moved on. a long time ago. especially after the start of this new academic year. i've completely moved on. definately. lucky me. i hope you have too =)
Thursday, September 25, 2008
hey hey...
held my first bball trials on my own today.
for the first time as a captain after so many years.
was initially really worried. cos i haven't been playing bball for quite a long time.
but i'm super super glad and relieved that everything went smoothly.
with the exception of my four corners. which i'll figure out what why it didnt work out that well later on. =p
was a pretty fun fun session in the end.
though i realised something about myself.
i realised that i'll always pull away from the game, coming in only when needed.
and purposely taking some difficult passes and allowing leeways for steals, rebounds and attacks most of the time during a match to see how my players react to the situation and how they handle it. ibg ifg and trials. better not make it a habit that i'd bring along with me for ihg.
good for now. but not in the future.
and yes la my accuracy is still there =) but not that consistant anymore.
definately must train on my courtwork too.
and do my homework about tactical skills and technical skills.
shall restart playing bball soon =)
oh well...
at least this trials definately met my objectives of making sure that they enjoyed the trials thoroughly while picking out my players and testing the strengths of the different players.
super happy seeing how much they enjoyed the sport...
mission accomplished.
more trials and ihg? bring it on.
*bball whoosh!* =)
held my first bball trials on my own today.
for the first time as a captain after so many years.
was initially really worried. cos i haven't been playing bball for quite a long time.
but i'm super super glad and relieved that everything went smoothly.
with the exception of my four corners. which i'll figure out what why it didnt work out that well later on. =p
was a pretty fun fun session in the end.
though i realised something about myself.
i realised that i'll always pull away from the game, coming in only when needed.
and purposely taking some difficult passes and allowing leeways for steals, rebounds and attacks most of the time during a match to see how my players react to the situation and how they handle it. ibg ifg and trials. better not make it a habit that i'd bring along with me for ihg.
good for now. but not in the future.
and yes la my accuracy is still there =) but not that consistant anymore.
definately must train on my courtwork too.
and do my homework about tactical skills and technical skills.
shall restart playing bball soon =)
oh well...
at least this trials definately met my objectives of making sure that they enjoyed the trials thoroughly while picking out my players and testing the strengths of the different players.
super happy seeing how much they enjoyed the sport...
mission accomplished.
more trials and ihg? bring it on.
*bball whoosh!* =)
Thursday, September 18, 2008
too fast. everything's moving too fast.
i hate it when everything spirals out of control.
i hate it when i start letting my own life lead me, instead of me leading my own life.
i hate it. because i know that i'd end up spending a long long time struggling to make up for these mistakes thereafter.
i just need a little space to breathe.
but i know i'm going to get past this week.
because you're all by my side supporting me each step of the way.
thank you =)
what if... what if i realise that someone like you is impossible to find.
i hate it when everything spirals out of control.
i hate it when i start letting my own life lead me, instead of me leading my own life.
i hate it. because i know that i'd end up spending a long long time struggling to make up for these mistakes thereafter.
i just need a little space to breathe.
but i know i'm going to get past this week.
because you're all by my side supporting me each step of the way.
thank you =)
what if... what if i realise that someone like you is impossible to find.
Friday, September 05, 2008
Sunday, August 10, 2008
never been prouder to be a blue. =)
the performance kent ridge gave.
nothing short of a display of the kent ridge-ian unity.
the outcome, an icing on the cake for the raggers, flaggers and fwocers who have put in so much blood and sweat throughout the three months to make this possible.
when you see the freshies and seniors alike, all huddled together in anticipation for the results.
for something we all believed in.
yes, we can safely say that we are one. one KRhome.
and yes, the shield's back home. =)
chingay here we come.
the performance kent ridge gave.
nothing short of a display of the kent ridge-ian unity.
the outcome, an icing on the cake for the raggers, flaggers and fwocers who have put in so much blood and sweat throughout the three months to make this possible.
when you see the freshies and seniors alike, all huddled together in anticipation for the results.
for something we all believed in.
yes, we can safely say that we are one. one KRhome.
and yes, the shield's back home. =)
chingay here we come.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
haha oh yes. and i just got through what i call loner week.
my mirrorless week. (apart from the carebears i brought along and named as mirrors)
monday to wednesday was spent with 24 kids from compassvale primary.
special little kids.
thursday to saturday was spent with 37 students from hong kah secondary.
really different experience i guess.
although it felt a little weird to not have anyone by your side to back you up or to guide you along at certain points of time, but i realised thats when i'm being made to step up the most.
i guess taking classes on my own gives me a lot of free space to express and connect with the kids using my own style of doing things.
i guess its through these two camps that ive learnt the most.
not just learning how to make the camp a memorable one for the campers, but also learning who would or would not be around for you should there come a point where you need help.
whee i guess when you have
campers start crying during campfire night.
campers crying because they thought that you werent taking the bus back to sch with them.
campers crying cos you're leaving them.
and even campers openly trying to date you.
yup. you know you're doing something right. making some sort of impact onto their lives.
another thing i like about taking solo groups i realise...
is not only that your working style won't clash with anyone else,
you'd also get the opportunity to know your campers much better.
to personally touch their hearts and change them for the better.
to give them your all.
though its harder to part at the end of the three days two nights,
but you know that it was worth every second every minute of it.
sigh too bad that i was too tired to do the mjc leadership camp.
wonder how that camp'd have been like. hmm =)
my mirrorless week. (apart from the carebears i brought along and named as mirrors)
monday to wednesday was spent with 24 kids from compassvale primary.
special little kids.
thursday to saturday was spent with 37 students from hong kah secondary.
really different experience i guess.
although it felt a little weird to not have anyone by your side to back you up or to guide you along at certain points of time, but i realised thats when i'm being made to step up the most.
i guess taking classes on my own gives me a lot of free space to express and connect with the kids using my own style of doing things.
i guess its through these two camps that ive learnt the most.
not just learning how to make the camp a memorable one for the campers, but also learning who would or would not be around for you should there come a point where you need help.
whee i guess when you have
campers start crying during campfire night.
campers crying because they thought that you werent taking the bus back to sch with them.
campers crying cos you're leaving them.
and even campers openly trying to date you.
yup. you know you're doing something right. making some sort of impact onto their lives.
another thing i like about taking solo groups i realise...
is not only that your working style won't clash with anyone else,
you'd also get the opportunity to know your campers much better.
to personally touch their hearts and change them for the better.
to give them your all.
though its harder to part at the end of the three days two nights,
but you know that it was worth every second every minute of it.
sigh too bad that i was too tired to do the mjc leadership camp.
wonder how that camp'd have been like. hmm =)
Monday, July 07, 2008
yo its been awhile.
second live ops!, andrew's last camp tampines sec, camp blueblood, engin camp, first day event for compassvale sec, guangyang sec, engin rag blast and night cycling, compassvale pri, hongkah sec.
disasterous engin results, lousy streaming.
well i guess that pretty much summed up my month.
my second live ops with yusoff ishak sec was a great huge difference from the first live ops. at least this time round i was confident in running the program myself. even in taking the entire force for drills. something that i could barely do for my own platoon the previous time round. when there are interforce competitions, and the kids choose to send you. i guess thats when you know, you've been doing something right. =)
andrew's last camp. tampines sec. a year ago i remembered doing tampines sec as my second andrew camp. a year later im back to do tampines sec again as his last official camp before he leaves HA. i guess it was really special to have ended andrew's last camp with what he also called a one year anniversary of the tampines sec camp. coming back to jbac with vaneh, specially for this last camp. great to see some of my students last year coming back to be student leaders for the camp. even winning the best student leader award. couldnt have been happier. mirrored hor heh rendall and xinyi for this camp too. you know. when andrew broke down at the end of the campfire. i suddenly understood how much this all meant to him.
pretty lucky to do kok choy's first cic camp too =) i think he makes a great cic. seriously. quite impressed by the way he handles stuff so far. and he's a really nice guy too. so yeah. eh eh continue my update after my long disappearence later =p
second live ops!, andrew's last camp tampines sec, camp blueblood, engin camp, first day event for compassvale sec, guangyang sec, engin rag blast and night cycling, compassvale pri, hongkah sec.
disasterous engin results, lousy streaming.
well i guess that pretty much summed up my month.
my second live ops with yusoff ishak sec was a great huge difference from the first live ops. at least this time round i was confident in running the program myself. even in taking the entire force for drills. something that i could barely do for my own platoon the previous time round. when there are interforce competitions, and the kids choose to send you. i guess thats when you know, you've been doing something right. =)
andrew's last camp. tampines sec. a year ago i remembered doing tampines sec as my second andrew camp. a year later im back to do tampines sec again as his last official camp before he leaves HA. i guess it was really special to have ended andrew's last camp with what he also called a one year anniversary of the tampines sec camp. coming back to jbac with vaneh, specially for this last camp. great to see some of my students last year coming back to be student leaders for the camp. even winning the best student leader award. couldnt have been happier. mirrored hor heh rendall and xinyi for this camp too. you know. when andrew broke down at the end of the campfire. i suddenly understood how much this all meant to him.
pretty lucky to do kok choy's first cic camp too =) i think he makes a great cic. seriously. quite impressed by the way he handles stuff so far. and he's a really nice guy too. so yeah. eh eh continue my update after my long disappearence later =p
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
backkk from st johns island!
first time being to sji ever. jbac warrior no more! lol.
brought liesel in for this camp too. bet it was hell of an experience. haha.
i definately had a lot of fun. im sure everyone did. =)
though i must admit that it felt really weird when people come up to me and say things like hey you lao jiao right how ar what should we do next?
made me feel the sudden added responsibility to do everything in my power to ensure that things run as smoothly as possible even though ive never touched this campsite before. ever.
figuring out and explaining games to others even though ive never touched some of them before.
telling people where to go what to do what to expect and how to go about doing it.
running around to help out with the logistics and to sign out all the dorms kitchens and all with the office people.
while still going crazy at the random-est moments =)
i guess after the last camp i really did change quite a lot of things.
i really tried to be the best mirror possible this camp.
like honestly seriously tried.
really did step out of my confort zone a lot.
from making good friends with the teacher in charge, and rubbishing with the kids
while making him go super hyper and crazy with me and the kids,
to seriously explaining not just the games, activities and itenaries, but also the smallest details of how things work such as how the bus rides go.
taking control of and rarh rarhing or entertaining the class whenever needed, while not overriding him, and still giving him space and opportunities to make some of those on the spot decisions as well as taking the class.
mirrors working hand in hand to make each activity a success.
whether or not its your first camp.
oh well though i realised though its his first HA camp, he did day camps before.
no wonder he picked up so fast despite it being his first camp.
though im still really glad that after the campfire when i asked how his first camp experience was,
his reply was awesome. great class and greatest and best mirror possible.
yessah. thats the way i want it to be.
something im gonna strive for and keep up with.
to seriously be a good mirror. =)
and im really glad that my kids can come up to tell me that though you're quite siao. but its because of that that the camp's so fun and enjoyable.
yesslah crazy ideas and crazy random things make the world go rounddd...
always felt that it was very xia sui to go crazy and do random sometimes stupid things or rarh rarh crazy stuff in front of campers. so i never did dare to do it.
but i'm really glad that im so over it now.
the camps are for the kids. always for the kids.
i only wish for them to bring back with them the best memories possible.
as well as to take with them the lessons learnt through out the camp.
and im glad that this time round i can confidently say that i did =)
pretty sad that andrew's leaving campha though.
i used to only do ridhwan and andrew's camps.
ridhwan's now in ak. and andrew's leaving HA.
wonder if im gonna continue here for long either though i honestly do enjoy myself loads.
oh well. so gonna do andrew's last camp even if its seriously gonna overload me for june.
especially since he asked. and its my one year anniversary for doing tampines sec with for andrew for last year's cohort.
no way im gonna miss doing his last camp
i at least owe him that after these years as well =)
oh yeah didnt make it back in time for titans this year cos it clashed with the camp dates.
but still...
BETA WON TITANS!
yesslah! like finally. haha. =)
ooh made it back for mardi gras though. update about that another time! =p
suddenly super shagged again. nights! =D
first time being to sji ever. jbac warrior no more! lol.
brought liesel in for this camp too. bet it was hell of an experience. haha.
i definately had a lot of fun. im sure everyone did. =)
though i must admit that it felt really weird when people come up to me and say things like hey you lao jiao right how ar what should we do next?
made me feel the sudden added responsibility to do everything in my power to ensure that things run as smoothly as possible even though ive never touched this campsite before. ever.
figuring out and explaining games to others even though ive never touched some of them before.
telling people where to go what to do what to expect and how to go about doing it.
running around to help out with the logistics and to sign out all the dorms kitchens and all with the office people.
while still going crazy at the random-est moments =)
i guess after the last camp i really did change quite a lot of things.
i really tried to be the best mirror possible this camp.
like honestly seriously tried.
really did step out of my confort zone a lot.
from making good friends with the teacher in charge, and rubbishing with the kids
while making him go super hyper and crazy with me and the kids,
to seriously explaining not just the games, activities and itenaries, but also the smallest details of how things work such as how the bus rides go.
taking control of and rarh rarhing or entertaining the class whenever needed, while not overriding him, and still giving him space and opportunities to make some of those on the spot decisions as well as taking the class.
mirrors working hand in hand to make each activity a success.
whether or not its your first camp.
oh well though i realised though its his first HA camp, he did day camps before.
no wonder he picked up so fast despite it being his first camp.
though im still really glad that after the campfire when i asked how his first camp experience was,
his reply was awesome. great class and greatest and best mirror possible.
yessah. thats the way i want it to be.
something im gonna strive for and keep up with.
to seriously be a good mirror. =)
and im really glad that my kids can come up to tell me that though you're quite siao. but its because of that that the camp's so fun and enjoyable.
yesslah crazy ideas and crazy random things make the world go rounddd...
always felt that it was very xia sui to go crazy and do random sometimes stupid things or rarh rarh crazy stuff in front of campers. so i never did dare to do it.
but i'm really glad that im so over it now.
the camps are for the kids. always for the kids.
i only wish for them to bring back with them the best memories possible.
as well as to take with them the lessons learnt through out the camp.
and im glad that this time round i can confidently say that i did =)
pretty sad that andrew's leaving campha though.
i used to only do ridhwan and andrew's camps.
ridhwan's now in ak. and andrew's leaving HA.
wonder if im gonna continue here for long either though i honestly do enjoy myself loads.
oh well. so gonna do andrew's last camp even if its seriously gonna overload me for june.
especially since he asked. and its my one year anniversary for doing tampines sec with for andrew for last year's cohort.
no way im gonna miss doing his last camp
i at least owe him that after these years as well =)
oh yeah didnt make it back in time for titans this year cos it clashed with the camp dates.
but still...
BETA WON TITANS!
yesslah! like finally. haha. =)
ooh made it back for mardi gras though. update about that another time! =p
suddenly super shagged again. nights! =D
Saturday, May 17, 2008
first ak experience. talk about it being an eye opener.
i think i got more than i expected.
never exactly expected live ops to be um haha literally live ops.
nothing i imagined it to be. at all. haha.
i still remember thinking on the first precamp day after i realised that we had to learn the drill commands... that omg i cant believe i pulled out of andrew's serangoon sec jbac camp for this.
jbac leh. could be happily rarh rarhing and kayaking away.
but at the end of the day. after breaking camp.
i guess i pretty much figured out what the emphasis of ak is about.
and i quite made sense of why things are done in that particular way.
lucky that i had a super zai and nice mirror who pretty much guided me and took care of me through out this camp.
if not id confirm chui the camp like crazy.
and i realised something. that i take quite long to adapt to new things. and i pretty much always buang things on the first attempt. =(
oh well. quite some culture shock. but i guess thats when we learn.
and one thing oliver vaneh and i all agreed on was that something we can definately take back from this is the debriefs.
ak's debriefs are really power. they really do make a difference =)
anyway having such a zai mirror by my side through the camp has made me think about quite a lot of stuff.
got the sudden urge to go figure more stuff out.
to improve myself to become a better instructor/trainer.
to start reading up on stuff that can help make my debriefs more meaningful and to put them across in a clearer, more structured manner.
to hype up activities more =)
oh well. though i feel i quite chui-ed this camp. looking on the brighter side. at least if i ever do live ops again, id be a lot readier and prepred for it =)
why stop at one, when you can change the lives of many.
why stop at one, when you can do so much more =)
i think i got more than i expected.
never exactly expected live ops to be um haha literally live ops.
nothing i imagined it to be. at all. haha.
i still remember thinking on the first precamp day after i realised that we had to learn the drill commands... that omg i cant believe i pulled out of andrew's serangoon sec jbac camp for this.
jbac leh. could be happily rarh rarhing and kayaking away.
but at the end of the day. after breaking camp.
i guess i pretty much figured out what the emphasis of ak is about.
and i quite made sense of why things are done in that particular way.
lucky that i had a super zai and nice mirror who pretty much guided me and took care of me through out this camp.
if not id confirm chui the camp like crazy.
and i realised something. that i take quite long to adapt to new things. and i pretty much always buang things on the first attempt. =(
oh well. quite some culture shock. but i guess thats when we learn.
and one thing oliver vaneh and i all agreed on was that something we can definately take back from this is the debriefs.
ak's debriefs are really power. they really do make a difference =)
anyway having such a zai mirror by my side through the camp has made me think about quite a lot of stuff.
got the sudden urge to go figure more stuff out.
to improve myself to become a better instructor/trainer.
to start reading up on stuff that can help make my debriefs more meaningful and to put them across in a clearer, more structured manner.
to hype up activities more =)
oh well. though i feel i quite chui-ed this camp. looking on the brighter side. at least if i ever do live ops again, id be a lot readier and prepred for it =)
why stop at one, when you can change the lives of many.
why stop at one, when you can do so much more =)
zai mirror =)
random thought: im so not gonna touch sushi for the next couple of months! rarh. =(
Monday, May 12, 2008
yayeee! exams are over! =)
back camping again. gonna take things nice and slow this time round.
not like last year. too fast too furious. too many back to backs.
first camp for eunice. radin mas pri 6. pretty insightful. very different.
the kota tinggi campsite and itenary was whoa pretty interesting.
pretty weird i admit to be seeing so many new faces.
luckily oliver came along too. =)
felt super rusty and chui though. guess it'd take me awhile more to warm back up to this. nevertheless, it was fun. =p
no idea why the kids liked the blind mans walk so much when i was just randomly bringing them round and round random places, while making them do random things. haha hmmm...
oh well. but one thing that struck me was how mature pri 6 kids could actually be.
i was quite heartened when some of my kids cried when we visited the physically and mentally disabled people's home and was interating with the toddlers and children there.
they cried not because they were scared of them. but because they felt for them.
coming from children from such a young age... wow.
and i was even more amazed when the guys engaged in an intellectual conversation about these people with me.
to find out more about their conditions and what they could do to help or make others aware of their conditions.
many hurrays. because what i see is hope. a lot of hope =)
say hi warriors! haha =)
ahmad my mirror!
radin mas instructors =p
Thursday, May 01, 2008
because my oac-ians always make me the happiest person on earth =)
was feeling super stressed and vexed after submitting the engin streaming form this afternoon.
and superrr sian diao that i wasnt even halfway through my electrical syllabus even though my paper's tomorrow afternoon. heh. at times like this, even the smallest things or gestures can mean the world to me. =p
thanks yanling for wanting to have lunch with me. sorry though for concussing halfway through our where should we have lunch conversation... oops =x haha.
thanks too mingwei for the bought you sth from japan message. =)
and most of all.. thanks liesel, blackie and gewww! for coming over to kr =)
for bring over popeyes and the tiramisu that i've been craving for so long. =p
but most of all for making the effort to travel all the way down here to visit and spend time out with me.
really enjoyed the company and the random talk. haven't felt so carefree in awhile. really really made my day =)
and the kr pple for constantly encouraging, helping and pushing me on.
and listening to my non stop whining. and for always injecting something special into each day.
peiching, yunhui, yishu, oliver, wormie, cheegake, huiling, yiwern and siewling.
and of course, my favourite shearite xinyi =D
thanks =)
when i count my blessings, i count you guys twice. =)
always.
was feeling super stressed and vexed after submitting the engin streaming form this afternoon.
and superrr sian diao that i wasnt even halfway through my electrical syllabus even though my paper's tomorrow afternoon. heh. at times like this, even the smallest things or gestures can mean the world to me. =p
thanks yanling for wanting to have lunch with me. sorry though for concussing halfway through our where should we have lunch conversation... oops =x haha.
thanks too mingwei for the bought you sth from japan message. =)
and most of all.. thanks liesel, blackie and gewww! for coming over to kr =)
for bring over popeyes and the tiramisu that i've been craving for so long. =p
but most of all for making the effort to travel all the way down here to visit and spend time out with me.
really enjoyed the company and the random talk. haven't felt so carefree in awhile. really really made my day =)
and the kr pple for constantly encouraging, helping and pushing me on.
and listening to my non stop whining. and for always injecting something special into each day.
peiching, yunhui, yishu, oliver, wormie, cheegake, huiling, yiwern and siewling.
and of course, my favourite shearite xinyi =D
thanks =)
when i count my blessings, i count you guys twice. =)
always.
Monday, April 28, 2008
and so the marathon has started.
i'll get through this day by day, paper by paper.
and before i know it, it'll be the 6th.
and i'll be momentarily freed.
mon, tues, wed, thurs, mon, tues.
fast and furious.
we'll all get through this together =)
studying with yishu, yunhui and oliver in the dining hall is always a blast.
feeling a little more focused this sem.
still a bit worried for the streaming...
but talking with teik zhen last night seriously made things feel a lot better.
probably cos he's the only one around who's also been there done that.
should seriously start talking to him more often. haha =)
math today. sigh. step by step we'll get through this. =)
i'll get through this day by day, paper by paper.
and before i know it, it'll be the 6th.
and i'll be momentarily freed.
mon, tues, wed, thurs, mon, tues.
fast and furious.
we'll all get through this together =)
studying with yishu, yunhui and oliver in the dining hall is always a blast.
feeling a little more focused this sem.
still a bit worried for the streaming...
but talking with teik zhen last night seriously made things feel a lot better.
probably cos he's the only one around who's also been there done that.
should seriously start talking to him more often. haha =)
math today. sigh. step by step we'll get through this. =)
Sunday, April 27, 2008
the expected is what we live for.
the unexpected is what changes our lives. =)
it's time to be who you are,
and say what you feel.
because those who mind don't matter.
and those who matter don't mind.
i can and i will. once the holidays are here =)
i can get through this.
shall we get through this together? =p
the unexpected is what changes our lives. =)
it's time to be who you are,
and say what you feel.
because those who mind don't matter.
and those who matter don't mind.
i can and i will. once the holidays are here =)
i can get through this.
shall we get through this together? =p
Friday, April 25, 2008
it's quite scary when you stop and think.
and you realise.
that you barely recognise the person standing opposite you when you look into the mirror.
such a pale shadow of the person you used to be.
being so down for nearly an entire year is not funny. at all.
it's so difficult when you finally find yourself, only to be let down by so many things within the same period of time.
when you're finally loud, happy, rarh rarh, confident, crazy, noisy, rubbished, positive, decisive, promising and all.
maybe it just takes a couple of really hard successive hits to bring someone down so low.
the knee and hip op the day after engin.
yeah it was probably my own fault that i took it so hard on myself.
but it was seriously a very frustrating struggle.
i still remember being so super pissed off that i could barely reach a slow jogging speed even when i was forcing myself to try to sprint during fwoc.
so pissed off i forced myself off crutches way too early. weeks before i was allowed to in a hope that i would regain back my independance. forcing myself to take part in sports though honestly i was only allowed to start running just before the ihg competition days itself.
its even more frustrating realising that i should really start retiring from sports.
still feeling the effects of the op even during things like block games.
but honestly what kind of pathetic captain would i make if i did.
like what we always say. lead by example. that i really believe in.
when you start seeing too much of the real world. until you get quite turned off by it even if it doesnt affect you directly. shant elaborate further. if you know, you know. heh. general disappointment with some people. sigh. maybe some day you'll understand.
when you sent me up and down that emotional rollercoaster ride. for gaining my trust and feelings. making it a fairytale before sending it suddenly crashing down. thanks for making me think twice before being able to trust or confide in people anymore. because i realise my judgement can be wrong. at the time when it mattered the most.
engin too. the vice dean for making that phone call to persuade me to accept the common engin offer. mistake. should have opted straight for chem eng. disappointing how you get left there stranded after accepting. one sem of screwed up clashing modules, weekly lab reports, lousy timetables and lectures and tutorials alone. like come on. whats the point of having a tutorial group in common engin. when i only take math as a common module with my classmates. and i don't even have the same lecture slot as them. and had to bid for my own class for tutorial. what rubbish. but you accept it since they promised to plan out a proper timetable for you the following semester. and when you thought it couldnt get any worse. they completely forget to plan timetable the following sem. leaving you with completely clashing modules which cors rejects. with them telling you that it's not possible at all for you to get into your choice of engin because the modules that you need to take clash. seriously. what rubbish. if you weren't ready to take in an oddcase student like me, why bother. and why bother to call me to ask me to accept the offer. thanks for leaving me stuck doing 6 engin core in a semester. having to get 4.0 for this sem alone which is blatantly impossible already to have a fighting chance to get into chem engin. if not i'd fall back one sem into some random engin. a trade off for certain exemptions because some people forgot to plan my timetable for me. thanks a lot. and now even if i can't make it into chem engin. i can only "qualify" based on certain exemptions which i'd have to fulfill later on environmental engin. rank the 9 engin disciplines according to your choice of interest. fake. tell me where the 9 are. and the streaming is so competitive this year. how do you feel if you're a student out of a cohort of a thousand plus, fighting for like 10 plus, or less than 10 spaces for the engin of your choice. especially when you're already starting in the most disadvantageous scenerio possible. how would you feel if that one choice is the ony choice that you've ever wanted. seriously you'd never understand how freaking frustrating the entire thing is. unless. unless it happened to you. sometimes i really don't know why i bother.
expectations expectations expectations. so what if i did well for the a levels. so what if i used to hold certain positions. i'll be honest. i hate being pressured to live up to expectations. give me some space to breathe. i hate being forced to make rash decisions. i don't like being forced into things. i make my decisions as and when i like and need to. you know... actually usually when i sound very uncertain or don't want to give you a confirmed answer or act as if i don't really dare to do something because of something else. i would already have made my decision. which would hardly ever be suayed even if i'm mmm ahh okie true-ing you. i only make decisions on my own if i'm confident of succeeding in whatever i've decided on. i do happen to have my own chain of thoughts. and i'm actually very confident of the things i do. i'm tired of always remembering to have to say the right thing. if that's always the way, i still think i'd rather just shut up and listen and not comment.
i don't like being so quiet like i am now. i don't like having nothing to say. i don't like being too tired of thinking of a conversation topic to crap to you about. actually im quite unconfortable with it. but i don't know. for quite awhile already i've already long relegated myself to that. it's weird having nothing to say. but i somehow cant get myself to move past it these days.
i must i must use the upcoming holidays to find back myself. i don't want to be remembered as this shadow. i want to be remembered as me. =)
now that i've been so honest with how i feel and how i think. will you be honest back to me? heh.
the one thing i love about this blog. that few people know about its existance. so i can really say whatever i wish/want to say. i can find myself. i will. =)
random. was reading ridhwan's blog. actually i really enjoy reading his blog. always lets you see a different perspective to life. makes you rethink and keep in mind some things. sensible, motivational entries. yes la. ridhwan rocks. =)
alright. i think the lack of sleep is getting to me soon. back to mugging though.
i really really need the 4.0.
i can i can get into chem engin.
though i've had one too many academic shake ups already.
but still...
did you really think i'd have accepted common engin if i wasn't confident of getting in? haha. food for thought. =)
and you realise.
that you barely recognise the person standing opposite you when you look into the mirror.
such a pale shadow of the person you used to be.
being so down for nearly an entire year is not funny. at all.
it's so difficult when you finally find yourself, only to be let down by so many things within the same period of time.
when you're finally loud, happy, rarh rarh, confident, crazy, noisy, rubbished, positive, decisive, promising and all.
maybe it just takes a couple of really hard successive hits to bring someone down so low.
the knee and hip op the day after engin.
yeah it was probably my own fault that i took it so hard on myself.
but it was seriously a very frustrating struggle.
i still remember being so super pissed off that i could barely reach a slow jogging speed even when i was forcing myself to try to sprint during fwoc.
so pissed off i forced myself off crutches way too early. weeks before i was allowed to in a hope that i would regain back my independance. forcing myself to take part in sports though honestly i was only allowed to start running just before the ihg competition days itself.
its even more frustrating realising that i should really start retiring from sports.
still feeling the effects of the op even during things like block games.
but honestly what kind of pathetic captain would i make if i did.
like what we always say. lead by example. that i really believe in.
when you start seeing too much of the real world. until you get quite turned off by it even if it doesnt affect you directly. shant elaborate further. if you know, you know. heh. general disappointment with some people. sigh. maybe some day you'll understand.
when you sent me up and down that emotional rollercoaster ride. for gaining my trust and feelings. making it a fairytale before sending it suddenly crashing down. thanks for making me think twice before being able to trust or confide in people anymore. because i realise my judgement can be wrong. at the time when it mattered the most.
engin too. the vice dean for making that phone call to persuade me to accept the common engin offer. mistake. should have opted straight for chem eng. disappointing how you get left there stranded after accepting. one sem of screwed up clashing modules, weekly lab reports, lousy timetables and lectures and tutorials alone. like come on. whats the point of having a tutorial group in common engin. when i only take math as a common module with my classmates. and i don't even have the same lecture slot as them. and had to bid for my own class for tutorial. what rubbish. but you accept it since they promised to plan out a proper timetable for you the following semester. and when you thought it couldnt get any worse. they completely forget to plan timetable the following sem. leaving you with completely clashing modules which cors rejects. with them telling you that it's not possible at all for you to get into your choice of engin because the modules that you need to take clash. seriously. what rubbish. if you weren't ready to take in an oddcase student like me, why bother. and why bother to call me to ask me to accept the offer. thanks for leaving me stuck doing 6 engin core in a semester. having to get 4.0 for this sem alone which is blatantly impossible already to have a fighting chance to get into chem engin. if not i'd fall back one sem into some random engin. a trade off for certain exemptions because some people forgot to plan my timetable for me. thanks a lot. and now even if i can't make it into chem engin. i can only "qualify" based on certain exemptions which i'd have to fulfill later on environmental engin. rank the 9 engin disciplines according to your choice of interest. fake. tell me where the 9 are. and the streaming is so competitive this year. how do you feel if you're a student out of a cohort of a thousand plus, fighting for like 10 plus, or less than 10 spaces for the engin of your choice. especially when you're already starting in the most disadvantageous scenerio possible. how would you feel if that one choice is the ony choice that you've ever wanted. seriously you'd never understand how freaking frustrating the entire thing is. unless. unless it happened to you. sometimes i really don't know why i bother.
expectations expectations expectations. so what if i did well for the a levels. so what if i used to hold certain positions. i'll be honest. i hate being pressured to live up to expectations. give me some space to breathe. i hate being forced to make rash decisions. i don't like being forced into things. i make my decisions as and when i like and need to. you know... actually usually when i sound very uncertain or don't want to give you a confirmed answer or act as if i don't really dare to do something because of something else. i would already have made my decision. which would hardly ever be suayed even if i'm mmm ahh okie true-ing you. i only make decisions on my own if i'm confident of succeeding in whatever i've decided on. i do happen to have my own chain of thoughts. and i'm actually very confident of the things i do. i'm tired of always remembering to have to say the right thing. if that's always the way, i still think i'd rather just shut up and listen and not comment.
i don't like being so quiet like i am now. i don't like having nothing to say. i don't like being too tired of thinking of a conversation topic to crap to you about. actually im quite unconfortable with it. but i don't know. for quite awhile already i've already long relegated myself to that. it's weird having nothing to say. but i somehow cant get myself to move past it these days.
i must i must use the upcoming holidays to find back myself. i don't want to be remembered as this shadow. i want to be remembered as me. =)
now that i've been so honest with how i feel and how i think. will you be honest back to me? heh.
the one thing i love about this blog. that few people know about its existance. so i can really say whatever i wish/want to say. i can find myself. i will. =)
random. was reading ridhwan's blog. actually i really enjoy reading his blog. always lets you see a different perspective to life. makes you rethink and keep in mind some things. sensible, motivational entries. yes la. ridhwan rocks. =)
alright. i think the lack of sleep is getting to me soon. back to mugging though.
i really really need the 4.0.
i can i can get into chem engin.
though i've had one too many academic shake ups already.
but still...
did you really think i'd have accepted common engin if i wasn't confident of getting in? haha. food for thought. =)
sigh alrights.
while i'm trying to make sense of what i'm supposed to be studying,
and partially emo-ing over the streaming which is so scarily competitive this year.
i mean like in a cohort of a thousand plus you can be fighting for like 10plus, 8 or 4 places for the engin of your choice.
doesn't help that you're obviously not the top notch engineer of your time.
zero interest = jialat.
cannot. must focus focus focus. it'd be over soon.
at least it'd be good to know that at least at the end of the day i did try.
at least for the study week to make the most of what i have and can do.
not that i'd have no regrets cos its obvious that i already screwed up my year one.
but at least lesser regrets is better than yeah you know.
oh well.
anyway,
stress reliever:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVhRlsw4-HE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHjVZVtXW0s
omggg. david cook really melts my heart away la. billie jean as well.
amazing vocal performance as always.
whoa. =D
hahahaha and wheee
http://youtube.com/watch?v=s8MDNFaGfT4
you so so so have to love this. =)
oliver introduced this to me. and im still so highly amazed by it. lol =D
its peanut butter jelly time! haha =)
anyway, i realised more than ever. even when certain friends disappoint you so,
there are always those few who are always there for you.
thanks for the listening ears, thanks for the concern.
though i hardly ever verbally say this but...
honestly i really appreciate it.
and also thanks froggie... for dropping by with the pao pao cha too =)
the things your friends can do to make your day =)
back to mugging! lol.
while i'm trying to make sense of what i'm supposed to be studying,
and partially emo-ing over the streaming which is so scarily competitive this year.
i mean like in a cohort of a thousand plus you can be fighting for like 10plus, 8 or 4 places for the engin of your choice.
doesn't help that you're obviously not the top notch engineer of your time.
zero interest = jialat.
cannot. must focus focus focus. it'd be over soon.
at least it'd be good to know that at least at the end of the day i did try.
at least for the study week to make the most of what i have and can do.
not that i'd have no regrets cos its obvious that i already screwed up my year one.
but at least lesser regrets is better than yeah you know.
oh well.
anyway,
stress reliever:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVhRlsw4-HE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHjVZVtXW0s
omggg. david cook really melts my heart away la. billie jean as well.
amazing vocal performance as always.
whoa. =D
hahahaha and wheee
http://youtube.com/watch?v=s8MDNFaGfT4
you so so so have to love this. =)
oliver introduced this to me. and im still so highly amazed by it. lol =D
its peanut butter jelly time! haha =)
anyway, i realised more than ever. even when certain friends disappoint you so,
there are always those few who are always there for you.
thanks for the listening ears, thanks for the concern.
though i hardly ever verbally say this but...
honestly i really appreciate it.
and also thanks froggie... for dropping by with the pao pao cha too =)
the things your friends can do to make your day =)
back to mugging! lol.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
come to think about it.
i'm actually more disappointed because i actually bothered about you.
how i actually bothered to give you a listening ear.
to have tried to help by talking to you.
to have spoken up to defended you and your actions when others talked about it.
to have actually cared as a friend.
i see now more than ever who you really are.
no amount of facade would let me see you the way you used to be.
because its only now that i know what you truly are.
do whatever you wish.
i really couldn't care more.
i'm actually more disappointed because i actually bothered about you.
how i actually bothered to give you a listening ear.
to have tried to help by talking to you.
to have spoken up to defended you and your actions when others talked about it.
to have actually cared as a friend.
i see now more than ever who you really are.
no amount of facade would let me see you the way you used to be.
because its only now that i know what you truly are.
do whatever you wish.
i really couldn't care more.
perhaps friends are just the people who end up disappointing you the most.
better friends, even worse.
and when you thought you'd learnt enough to protect yourself from such people,
someone steps in once again with an even bigger magnitude.
someone you once thought you would probably be able to trust.
perhaps disappointment is not strong enough a word.
but then now that im so used to such rubbish.
it makes no difference to me.
i can do with one less person to talk to.
thanks.
too bad its scary how indifferent i've learnt to become.
better friends, even worse.
and when you thought you'd learnt enough to protect yourself from such people,
someone steps in once again with an even bigger magnitude.
someone you once thought you would probably be able to trust.
perhaps disappointment is not strong enough a word.
but then now that im so used to such rubbish.
it makes no difference to me.
i can do with one less person to talk to.
thanks.
too bad its scary how indifferent i've learnt to become.
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