if only know how i truly felt all this while.
all the thoughts running through my mind.
just how many times i wanted to give up.
how many times i wanted to let go.
this you never once realised.
this you will never know.

i'm tired of asking.
trying to drop the hint.
if only you realised why.
if only you understood what runs through my mind.
if only you understood me more.
if only you were willing to stop running things as per your own ideas only and perhaps open up to those not of your thoughts and mindsets.

if only does not happen.
if only will not happen.
if only you knew.
if only i knew what to do.

if only i didnt feel like this every other day.
what do you know. really. what do you see.

i'm lagging in everything now. but i have the choice. you don't.
so you said to me.
what makes you think that i haven't been trying.

i'm inadequate i know.
thank you for reinforcing it.

finally back after close to three weeks of holidaying =)
been to nanjing, suzhou, hangzhou, shanghai and phuket

nanjing was awesome with shinan bringing us around and introducing us to good food and places to visit and play at. there, we also found the best bubble tea ever till date at dokodo =) it's the best! =D and omg there i tried the duck's tongue and webbed feet as well =s haha scary! but gotta try something new each day yeah =p and shinan's mum even made us awesome small lobsters for breakfast on our last day! =D awesome stuff! =) sl and i had our first arcade games together too! haha shooting hoops and playing drums wahaha =p oh random. but the transport only costs 2 yuan no matter where you wanna go! how you wish singapore was like that too right? lol =p but of course, most importantly it felt so great having the best company i could ask for those 3 days in nanjing =) thanks orange! =p

suzhou was scary at first when we couldn't get cabs at the railway station... and while waiting for a cab at the taxi stand we were also approached by this scary begging girl who grabs pple and spits on people when they don't donate to her =s we had a lousy tour to zhuo zhen yuan and all as well. too desperate to sell us commercial stuff and all instead =s but ah well zhouzhuang was good =) with zhongsheng, jianhao and dearie =p managed to explore the entire water town and get our own boat for a boat ride around the area =) awesome. and another awesome part about suzhou? sl and i managed to meet liyuan for dinner! =D missed her! =)yuanyuan also brought us to this pretty shopping area in suzhou, as well as an even prettier place that looks like a zhouzhuang lighted up at night =) so pretty we couldn't help but to return back to explore that area again the following night =p ooh and she introduced us to the bakery 85 degrees which got all four of us addicted to for the entire china trip wahaha =p and of course, also to the pudding naicha and the coffee jelly naicha which we kept looking for thereafter cos its awesome! =p thanks yuanyuan! ooh and suzhou has good, though atas, food. hoho most addictive fried fish and silver fishies ever =p

hangzhou was pretty awesome =) half of it was spent together the four of us, followed by the other half which was spent with my dearie alone (partially cos we decided to skip the tour we had initially booked so that we could focus on visiting the things we wanted to visit)... and i love our hotel! =D best thing ever! xihu's right at our doorstep! loves it =D oh and i completely love xihu! prettiest lake ever! so awesome! and walking down sudi with dearie made me feel like i was in some haha china love story movie! =D and ooh the awesome beggers chicken and prawwwnsss! =D watched impressions of the west lake as well. pretty awesome stuff =)and omg i got this oh-so-pretty embroidery umbrella! so soooo pretty! zomg =) tian tang yushan as recommended by yuanyuan =) hehe and xihu is so romantic =) just me and you! =)

shanghai was not too bad. lots of people everywhere =s kinda scares me =s especially the world expo =s you won't imagine how... horrible an experience it was. the china people themselves, though the hosts, pushing you, jumping over and under fences and breaking through chains etc to cut queues... the poking screaming shouting and unruly behaviour... kind of left me quite disgusted at the sight of all this shit over the 3 days. so so ridiculous. though some pavilions were pretty well done and insightful, it was sadly pretty much overshadowed by the before mentioned behaviour.and you thought singapore was bad. think again. disgusting. and it wasn't very well operated either. no wet weather plans either. left dearie and me (and i think jianhao and zhongsheng also) huddling each other trying to stay warm and dry under the umbrella while queueing (and undergoing all the shit behaviour) in the rain. ah well but it was an experience. and its something we both went through together. hopefully this experience will keep us going stronger than ever =) the skylines, the bund and the jingmaodasha was pretty awesome too. shld try the can opener someday =p ah well managed to meet yanling for supper at this italian place after our last day at the expo as well =) ooh gotta mail her the free duck from quanjude soon too! ooh and the shopping aroud the area where dearie and i stayed. it's crazyyy! haha =p shop till you drop hehe and the nanxiang xiaolongbaos! omggg haha i can't get enough of them. still craving for them. its awesomeee! =) i'll fly back just for it! =D

hehe ah well... 14 days of travelling and experiences with the best companion i could ask for. the one who always looks out for me, makes sure i get fed with the best possible food at each state, and taking care of me when i was unwell and enduring the haha occasional snores as a result of the blocked nose at night... thank you and i couldn't have been any luckier to have you by my side all the time =)i wanna travel the world with you =)

hehe then it was off to phuket for another 4 days with jianhao and zhongsheng. eh and elaine and lim shen for a part of the time as well. jh, zs and i covered a lot of stuff within our 4 days... from our explorations by foot, to the phiphi island, snorkling, bamboo rafting, waterfall-ing, elephant trekking, rubber tapping, turtle farming, the royal ship all the way to patong beach for shopping and chilling out... haha good company with the good random food hunts, our banana pancake craze, the drinks, the surfing (though the 3 of us looked like idiots with surfboards trying to ride the crazily enormous waves) hahaha and the crazy bargaining for everything haha thanks bros =)

it's been an awesome holiday since ia ended =) still awaiting my fyp allocation... and bidding's starting soon. back to being a student again! =s

stoning in the staff communications meeting.
Visited the helix bridge and then marina bay sands first with dad and tim. And then with dearie =)
You must agree that singapore's skyline is changing ever so quickly.
Imagine the kind of place our children will end up growing up in in the future.
Fast paced and everchanging.

Ah well... random thoughts...
Rings, yes
Rings worn as necklaces, yes
House at tanjong rhu facing the kallang basin, pretty and yes
Me loving you a long time, yes =)=)=)

Bored and random
I wanna go home =(

exam's long over,

internship's still on.

finally shifted back home for good after 3 long academic years in hall.

supposedly back to having a normal life.

but tell me why i feel more tired than ever.

i should be able to handle this.

rarh. i can do this.

anyway, happy 16th month dear!

fast isn't it =p

the poor boy's sick though =(

hope he gets well soon...

xin tong to hear him so xin ku wor =(

pokepoke fishie's here =)

haha many random thoughts.

i'm really too tired...

i never knew leaving KR would feel like this.

despite being so burnt out for the last year or so.

despite becoming more disconnected from hall than usual because of my many other commitments.

despite telling myself that leaving a year earlier than expected would ultimately be a good transition period from full time hall to full time student and finally to full time worker for the future.

standing on the stage, behind that oh so familiar curtain, knowing that this was your one and only - very last performance to KR,

the feeling was overwhelming.

the place which has given me so many ups and downs.

the place which taught me to love (literally, when i found you)

the place which has given me the most precious of memories

the place which has given me the best and worst of friendships

the place which made me grow into a stronger person.

the place which i've spent 3 years of my life being more of a hall person than a student.

i guess sometimes saying goodbye isn't easy.

i'll appreciate the memories, the friendships the love that KR has showered upon to me.

oh and the money too.

after being presented with the Lee Soon Ann Outstanding Scholarly Progress Award.

i can't wait to see my name on the plaque in the mpsh (probably cos i never really took note of its existence until now, so i'm still kind of intrigued)

ah well,

but yes, my time here is up. and it's time to give this chance of experiencing and growing from the KR life to someone new.

whoever you are, i hope you will seize the opportunities and make the most out of your stay here in KR.

so there it is. another phase of my life passing me by.

thank you KR!

love,

kimberley

and so, a year later, here we are again =)

it's a pretty surreal feeling.
amazing but true.

on the mrt heading to marina barrage =)

the very pretty barrage skyline =)

and the nerdy me drags him in to take a look at the water gallery to take a look at the engineering challenges of building the barrage and how it works =)

ta-da! the barrage simulation

sandwich with really nice cheddar cheese =)

sushi... the second of many dishes =)

picnic-ing admist the about to be downcast skies

and that sums up a crazily enjoyable (and educational day -> think gallery) haha.
sweeter than ever fruits
and our toasted hazelnut blum.

yeah! love ya =)

a cute little story for all:

Today i saw this cute old couple walking up a hill.

The husband looked at the wife and said, "Race you!" They both started running as fast as they could. When the husband realized he was winning, he stopped and pretended to tie his shoe so his wife could win. He even got a kiss for it.

Love, no matter the age, GMH!

this is sooo sweet.
maybe someday we'll be doing that too.
happy 15th mth dear =)

everytime i see the fire coming from the island near me...
my heart drops.
i just want the best for you.

haha and over dinner today...
we were trying to recall when we first started dating before we went official.
anddd we cant recall. haha think it was too long before lol =p

anyway dinner was great!
Ricciotti Pizza Pasta & Deli! =p
italian foodfare along singapore river ftw! =D

Antipasto Riccioti

some pretty good chardonay

Tagliomini with Scallops in Spicy Tomato Sauce

Red Snapper Cooked Acqua Pazza Style with Prawns, Capers, Olive & Herbs

Tiramisu

awesomeee dinner. the pictures don't do enough justice. the food was impressive =D

watched "when in rome" as well.
pretty good show! had a good laugh =D

and it's an early 15th month celebration =D
15th out of the many more to come <3

and i think a part of me just died when i heard that

i have no motivation to graduate anymore.
there's just nothing to look forward to anymore.
no reason to work to hard.
to choing my studies anymore.
there's nothing at the finish line.
nothing i want waiting for me anymore.

i don't want to go there just because everyone's going there.

i want to go there because i've always dreamt of doing it.
to graduate from a university, take a couple of weeks and backpack europe.
backpack europe.
sounds silly but
i already wanted that even before i entered university

i'm not angry. i'm not anything.
it's just a little hard when this is something i've dreamt of for like half my life.
i just need a little space. a little time.

now everything just feels kind of.
empty.

it's amazing how it makes my day just seeing you smile into the screen =)
<3

in the unfamiliar crowd, you're the only face i wanna see.

after a day at work,

seeing you just for that 5 minutes or so

feels like the best thing in the world =)

that look on your face

and that warm embrace

makes everything feel better again

i could live in this forever =)

hehe yeah! another great day with you! =D

alice in wonderland is not too bad! pretty good! =)

but if i were a kid, i'd cry after watching it.

all the pretty and cute little characters in that fairytale land that you're been reading about

all suddenly transformed into evil looking creatures with morbid scenes of alice in the wonderland

total nightmare for the kids (hence the very important PG sign)

haha anyway I still wanna get the cute forever friends bear mug =D

when i see it wahaha =p

ps: i hate e-learning week haha =(

okie. i think i've cooled down.
mood swinging these couple of days.
i always blog only when i'm fiesty. heh.
but i still do mean what i write. just in a less fiesty feel.

i mean it's not all bad.
i still appreciate it when you always remember to buy me sth to eat and drop it at my seat before night class starts cos you know i've no time to grab anything to eat,
when you brought me to see the doc and took care of me when i wasn't feeling well
even the smallest thing like your early morning good morning messages or spot checks to see if i've left hall so that i won't be late for work.
even the smile you give me when you look me in the eyes.
they really do make my day =)

i know i'm not very good at expressing how i feel.
i always keep things inside. keep you guessing.
so i write them down for now
it's just the littlest things which trouble me at times.
but it's a start. i'll keep learning. and trying not to keep you in the dark.
thank you though for listening me out,
for everything you've done for me too
and of course for loving me =)
<3

so many different feelings which i can never put into words.

guess that's why i always keep them in.

guess i've put off writting this for a long time already.

but i guess it just hit me harder than usual today.

even the simplest things. like walking me back to kr from biz after class. thats like what. across the road? not even a 5 mins walk. it's a waste of time. it can't be done.

from central lib back to hall. don't want to walk me back cos it's a waste of time too? fine.

even if you wanted to cab back from there. after accompanying you, it wouldn't hurt to ask the uncle to just drop me off at kr before heading back right? it wouldn't even take 5 mins of the uncle's driving time/your driving time.

you'd rather let me walk back alone at night.

the 5 mins which you'd probably spend watching tv. sitting. stoning. chatting. i don't know what else.

you know. i meant every word when i said you'd never send me back if i was going home home.

this is the reason why i'm so confident about that.

it's not about the sending back.

it's about everything else. everything else that you don't see.

especially when i try so hard.

you know whenever i know i'm going to be a little late to meet you.

i'll cab down cos that few mins i could save to spend with you was that important to me.

how i will plan my schedule or even cancel/rearrange timings/put on hold gatherings just because i know i have a chance of spending that little bit of time with you.

you have no idea.

i guess after everything.

it just hurts to know that i'm not even worth 5 minutes of your time.

not even 5 minutes.

i'm that insignificant.

but you will never understand.

a little bit sad.

a little bit disappointed.

don't really know what to feel for now.

but it's okay. i'll survive.

that's life. i guess.

yeah cny's been good.

another hectic day today running from mum's side to elaine's house for the interns cny gathering and finally to dearie's place.

life's good.

feeling more at ease... feeling more of the family feel at his side. i like that comfortable feeling =)

enjoyed myself loads. fav cny stop of the season =)

his turn to come over tmr! yay means i get to see you again! =D

haha this is turning out to be quite a good break from everything =)

hello =)

it's been awhile.
it's been a hectic couple of weeks.
weeks, days, hours zooming past me with the blink of an eye.

life's been good. tiring trying but good.
internship's been awesome.
wastewater's getting more and more intriguing
water or wastewater? wastewater hands down.
enjoying evey moment of this IA. though its really tiring to juggle it with night classes, late night chingay practices and other random stuff.
can't wait till chingay's over (soon soon yesssahhh! =p)
intern cny gathering tmr =)
pretty thankful that we're quite a close bunch of interns (probably partially cos there are so few of us)
was initially quite apprehensive to be the only environmental engineering student going to SUT. only kinda spelt lonely to me at that time. haha ah well. but i'm glad we cliqued. we're even going for an intern holiday in late july. =p anddd im learning chinese bit by bit everyday. and french too. i'm gonna be tri-lingual at the end of this internship man. yessah. lol =p
great bunch of intern friends, great supervisors and collegues who never fail to make me smile no matter how tired i am. what more could i ask for =)
and gosh think my little problem with heights is partially back.
that day on top of the isotanker. got that little panicky feeling deep down inside. something i haven't felt in awhile.
think i've been off high elements for too long. gotta do something about it.
go do more bungee thingys, rock climbing, roller coasters, climbing up trees that kinda stuff.
sometimes i think.. i'm quite... man-ly LOL =x sometimes. only. yeah. haha =x















a little chingay preview haha =p

and during this period of time, someone grew muchhh older.
someone's almost... just almost a quarter of a century old now. hahaha
(okie now you're gonna kill me for rubbing it in again lol)
and here comes his four part surprise =)














good spanish food, good ambience and good company. lol.















ta-da! twenty four! haha and my really melted lemon cheesecake =s



















his favourite rarh =)



















haha the fourth part... shall remain as a secret. LOL. =p

ahaha ah well. anyway xin nian kuai le people! =D
great break to recharge a lil before chingay comes at full force =s haha

back to ia reporting it is =p

the most elating day.

yet the most heartbreaking day.

i'm lucky to be doing water operations in sembcorp.

but i don't know what to do.

my heart is in pieces.

so where do we go from here?