and so we have welcomed in 2011.

2010 has been an interesting one.

many ups and perhaps even more downs.

many tests. many questions. many trials and tribulations.

but still we all got through it.

what 2011 will bring will be even more interesting in a different sense.

2011 will be the mark of great changes.

transition from university undergrads to graduates

from the carefree lives we spend to joining the tax paying community.

everyone will start to go in their own directions.

who knows when we will meet again.

2011 will be a trial for the greatest of friendships.

i for one have never been able to manage this well.

when the work piles buildup, it is difficult to make time.

but i'm learning. and i'll keep trying.

because even though i never speak of it, each friendship means a lot to me.

so if you suddenly start hearing more from me, i hope we reignite the times we had together in the past, no matter how different our current circumstances have become.

tested and weathered. i hope our friendships last. i hope they're strong enough to brave the storms ahead.

2011 will be tough. very tough.

but, with faith and strength, we will get through.

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want;
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters;
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for His name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil;
for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life;
and I shall dwell in the house of the
Lord forever.

Psalm 23

imagine if 4 years ago,
i had chosen to go to ntu accountancy.
today i'd have graduated with a much better cap (at least i knew what i wanted out of it), commenced, worn the graduation gown and probably started working.

but then again,
i wouldn't have met this many awesome people.

i never knew leaving KR would feel like this.

despite being so burnt out for the last year or so.

despite becoming more disconnected from hall than usual because of my many other commitments.

despite telling myself that leaving a year earlier than expected would ultimately be a good transition period from full time hall to full time student and finally to full time worker for the future.

standing on the stage, behind that oh so familiar curtain, knowing that this was your one and only - very last performance to KR,

the feeling was overwhelming.

the place which has given me so many ups and downs.

the place which taught me to love (literally, when i found you)

the place which has given me the most precious of memories

the place which has given me the best and worst of friendships

the place which made me grow into a stronger person.

the place which i've spent 3 years of my life being more of a hall person than a student.

i guess sometimes saying goodbye isn't easy.

i'll appreciate the memories, the friendships the love that KR has showered upon to me.

oh and the money too.

after being presented with the Lee Soon Ann Outstanding Scholarly Progress Award.

i can't wait to see my name on the plaque in the mpsh (probably cos i never really took note of its existence until now, so i'm still kind of intrigued)

ah well,

but yes, my time here is up. and it's time to give this chance of experiencing and growing from the KR life to someone new.

whoever you are, i hope you will seize the opportunities and make the most out of your stay here in KR.

so there it is. another phase of my life passing me by.

thank you KR!

love,

kimberley

this is not how i wanted my internship to be.
sigh.
screw it. =(

sometimes i wish i didn't have a driving license

it looks and smells like it's gonna rain =(
pls pls pls let it not rain today =(

今天很难过
昨天也是很难过
明天也是会很难过
天天都很难过

and i think a part of me just died when i heard that

i have no motivation to graduate anymore.
there's just nothing to look forward to anymore.
no reason to work to hard.
to choing my studies anymore.
there's nothing at the finish line.
nothing i want waiting for me anymore.

i don't want to go there just because everyone's going there.

i want to go there because i've always dreamt of doing it.
to graduate from a university, take a couple of weeks and backpack europe.
backpack europe.
sounds silly but
i already wanted that even before i entered university

i'm not angry. i'm not anything.
it's just a little hard when this is something i've dreamt of for like half my life.
i just need a little space. a little time.

now everything just feels kind of.
empty.

okie. i think i've cooled down.
mood swinging these couple of days.
i always blog only when i'm fiesty. heh.
but i still do mean what i write. just in a less fiesty feel.

i mean it's not all bad.
i still appreciate it when you always remember to buy me sth to eat and drop it at my seat before night class starts cos you know i've no time to grab anything to eat,
when you brought me to see the doc and took care of me when i wasn't feeling well
even the smallest thing like your early morning good morning messages or spot checks to see if i've left hall so that i won't be late for work.
even the smile you give me when you look me in the eyes.
they really do make my day =)

i know i'm not very good at expressing how i feel.
i always keep things inside. keep you guessing.
so i write them down for now
it's just the littlest things which trouble me at times.
but it's a start. i'll keep learning. and trying not to keep you in the dark.
thank you though for listening me out,
for everything you've done for me too
and of course for loving me =)
<3

so many different feelings which i can never put into words.

guess that's why i always keep them in.

guess i've put off writting this for a long time already.

but i guess it just hit me harder than usual today.

even the simplest things. like walking me back to kr from biz after class. thats like what. across the road? not even a 5 mins walk. it's a waste of time. it can't be done.

from central lib back to hall. don't want to walk me back cos it's a waste of time too? fine.

even if you wanted to cab back from there. after accompanying you, it wouldn't hurt to ask the uncle to just drop me off at kr before heading back right? it wouldn't even take 5 mins of the uncle's driving time/your driving time.

you'd rather let me walk back alone at night.

the 5 mins which you'd probably spend watching tv. sitting. stoning. chatting. i don't know what else.

you know. i meant every word when i said you'd never send me back if i was going home home.

this is the reason why i'm so confident about that.

it's not about the sending back.

it's about everything else. everything else that you don't see.

especially when i try so hard.

you know whenever i know i'm going to be a little late to meet you.

i'll cab down cos that few mins i could save to spend with you was that important to me.

how i will plan my schedule or even cancel/rearrange timings/put on hold gatherings just because i know i have a chance of spending that little bit of time with you.

you have no idea.

i guess after everything.

it just hurts to know that i'm not even worth 5 minutes of your time.

not even 5 minutes.

i'm that insignificant.

but you will never understand.

a little bit sad.

a little bit disappointed.

don't really know what to feel for now.

but it's okay. i'll survive.

that's life. i guess.

alrights.
this sucks.
there's a reason why i don't play bball anymore.
and there's a bigger reason why i never stepped into that same court again.
to have to stand there and watch something that looked precatiously like the match last year was heart wrenching.
the same looks the same cheers the same omg feeling the same feeling heartdrop feeling each time the ball falls through that hoops.
painful to watch.
i hate competitions.
but then again. it's probably just how a captain feels.
after going through so much. training the team. leading the team. it hurts to watch it all end just like this.
sometimes you wonder if you could have done more. even though deep inside you already know that you tried your best.

shit. im feel so stressed over screwing up waste management.

can't seem to get it off my mind.

please please please give me a B+.

i begggg of you.

don't give me anything below B.

though the more i think of it. looking at the way i answered the questions, the more i think i might have deserved that.

if only i could turn back time =(

someone please pray for me.

arggh. okie. now please make up for it kim.

learn to let go.

you have three chances left.

don't regret.

make it up.

icandothis.

and especially for you, i won't give up. as promised =)

a new template because i think i need a change =)

icandothisicandothisicandothis

sigh. i broke down again last night.

for the umpteen-th time this semester

i'm so disappointed with myself

it's only the second paper but i'm already feeling so tired and burnt out.

but i can't let go now.

i know my content well.

but i'm putting too much pressure on myself to do well this sem.

so much so i actually think that's the reason why i can't perform during the papers itself.

anddd it's making it difficult for me to fall asleep at night.

even when i'm so so tired.

i need to find a way out

to get past the final four papers well

especially the final three which mean the most to me.

if i stop will you push me on?

will you reassure me that i can do this on my own?

sigh.

of course.

of course i mind.

=(

but it won't make a difference anyway.

sometimes i cant help it.

i'm trying my best to cope.

but it really doesn't when my neighbour's bf is ard everyday.

and i see him so much more often than you.

i don't expect to see you everyday.

i know that's not possible.

but this is making it v difficult for me.

i really wish i could just close my door and go without a care in the world.

but i can't.

so everyday i miss you.

and everyday i miss you more and more.

and i find it even more difficult when we hardly talk.

i need you to reply me. cos it helps to keep me going.

yet i can't tell you all of this.

because i know i need to be stronger.

to carry myself through this sem on my own.

is on the verge of tears.

freaking stressed.
yesterday i bought 5 small mooncakes as comfort food.
they're all gone.
the chocolate in my fridge. which is technically on my table now is quickly disappearing.
i am damn stressed.
i need people to periodically talk to me.
i don't care whether it's by msg, by phone or face to face.
but theres no one to talk to. except for this old trustworthy blog of mine which has yet to fail me..
no one will ever understand.
i. feel. like. a. ticking. timebomb.

and that non-stop ringing sound is driving me crazy.

sometimes when i ask for something, i don't expect you to say yes.
yes, i hate it when you say no so directly and flatly. and the words that come along with it.
like at most that day dun come lor. i have nothing to lose.
it secretly hurts me inside. a lot. like really a lot.
perhaps this is just goes to show how lousy i am.
i can't even get you to compromise or give in. not even a little sacrifice.
just for a day.
when i request for something, i don't even need you to say yes.
all i need at the end of the day is for you to say maybe. see how it goes. or i'll think about it.
to me that's already a compromise.
that's good enough for me.
but i can't even get that.
i must be really really lousy.