i think.

i'm going a lil crazy.
surving on 2-3 hours of sleep a day.

this is what happens when 24 hours a day are just not enough.

i'm so so tired. but i cant sleep. because im screwed if i do.

please please give me a break.

once i get past saturday and it's test...

i'm gonna go jogging.

i'm gonna sleep for 6 hours.

i'm gonna go for a short retail therapy if time permits. (i wanna see uniquelo)

i'm gonna spend a lil time with my family.

just for that saturday.

going for good friday mass in a few hours time. cant wait.

my little dinner escapade to the very nearby clementi central.

worth every second of our much needed break

i think this is quite cute. but my red hair cant be seen under this light =(

the two extremely tired looking engineers

always. =)

alrights back to the rushing. =(

because right now im now THIS close to giving up. =(
but i cant.
because i've been through giving up before.

some people ask.

what is love.

love is when you wish that he is the first person you see when you wake up every morning.

love is when you want the best for him all the time.

love is that mutual understanding that mutual feeling.

love is how this smile unknowingly appears across your face each time you see him.

love is that funny feeling inside.

love is that magic feeling when his arms are around you.

love is finding perfection in his imperfection.
love is loving him for being himself and no one else.

love is knowing he'll be there through thick and thin with you.

love is that feeling of reassurance, that he will catch me when i fall.

love is when you would do anything to be with him for that one additional second.

love is when you wished each and every second with him would last for eternity.
love is something you can't get enough of.

love is indescribable.

through this three months,

i've learnt and hopefully matured more than i ever could have.

happy third month dear. =)

anddd happy april's fool to everyone else. haha =p

on a side note, yes la! i passed my final theory test! easily! lol!

i hate falling sick.
maybe its cos i usually dont.
so when it comes it usually hits me much harder.
boo.
i hate the on off fevers.
i hate the sleepless nights.
i hate the runny nose.
i hate everything.
such a lousy timing.
but im glad for the bf.
and the mogu who just came over to cook noodles with me.
so so many things due.
i feel so unproductive.
but i cant help it.

acid attack.
stomach's been acting up again recently.
the painful churning a bit like suan feeling.
not the very sharp pains which used to come along with it in the past.
but still its getting on my nerves.
anti acid pills are working only slightly these days.
and i don't really know what to do.
frustrating.

so so busy.
if only there could be more than 24 hours in a day.

hmm i guess it was kind of weird.
i was at a party today...
being my random high self doing and talking rubbish.
then someone just jokingly went orh hor later i tell your bf.
you know the usual thing. which doesnt matter to me cos i mean like of cos the dear bf already knows how high and rubbished i usually am.
what struck me more was the reaction someone had.
like someone who didnt know me before until the party itself.
she immediately turned and just asked a mutual friend.. oh she's attached?

i dunno but i guess it just got stuck replaying in my head a couple of times.
probably its me being quite sensitive to it.
but i guess i just sensed the huh shes attached and she's still so open and everything kind of feeling.
kind of just got me thinking again... what people's perception of attached people should be.
i know some people think that you be more conservative, more like okie must keep a distance from all other guys, quieten down, be more demure and all.
but somehow i still don't believe in that.

i believe being in a relationship shouldnt restrict you from being the person you are.
i believe that there is no need to quieten down yourself.
i believe that you don't need to keep that much of a distance from your guy friends.
i believe that you should have the same freedom that you had before getting attached.
as long as you are clear with yourself.
and as long as you know your limits well.
i think it is fine.
i trust him wholeheartedly.
and i can only hope that he will trust me wholeheartedly back.
i choose to believe that he will.

i believe that abeit all other contributing factors, a good relationship is one that is based on mutual trust, mutual respect, mutual understanding.
i'm that little bit more confident this sem.
that little bit more consistant in my work.
that little bit more clear of what i want to achieve in life.
because i know that no matter what decision i make, no matter what i do,
there's that someone who's always behind me, supporting me all the way.
like what i always believed, a good relationship shld be one that leaves you as a more confident individual, rather then someone who's much more quietened down cos half the time you're wondering oh no if i do or say this and if my bf finds out whats he gonna think.
mutual trust gives you freedom independance and confidence.
this is partly (out of the manyyy manyyyy reasons) why i love him so. =)

haha yesterday i missed him
today he's here with me!
must be some sort of telepathy
i'm all smiles. hahahaha! =D

sitting in my room alone,
staring at my lousy notes.
suddenly i miss this person more than ever.
i've no idea why.
even though i just saw him for lunch earlier.
bah help =(














the photo that never fails to make me smile.

i'm supposed to be studying.
butttt i miss you! =(
bahhhh...

whoots. finally tried out sushi teh at ngee ann city.
rocks. love it. haha =)
and marley and me is such a good show.
cant wait to watch he's just not that into you. wahaha.
jennifer aniston is so so hot. haha =p

pretty parcel moving mechanism haha =)

our after-movie sinful indulgence

that person who never fails to always be there for me =)

pretty decor! =)

his hot chocolate which tasted so so good. the rose extract. omggg. haha =D

my drink me cold espresso dunno what thingy that sounded super awesome and cool. haha rocks.

the chocolate cake. which was literally chocolate. with the ice cream and nice choco bits.

anddddd super nice fruits with that melted chocolate sauce. omggg -drools- =p

the very happy girl. haha =p

it's another new month.

which means.

i'm walking into yet another month with you.

couldnt ask for anything better.

its gonna be a very difficult month ahead though.

but i've got you here with me.

and i'm sure we'll get past this together.
much love =)

haha i realised im becoming more open with this.

and im guessing its a good thing =)

haha and oh yeah.

i'm still quite impressed.

earlier today... i was about to make a run to cityhall mrt from a bus stop in the heavy rain though i didnt have an umbrella cos i wanted to meet baby that little bit earlier when...

haha someone called me from behind just as i was about to make a dash for it to share her umbrella with her.

omggg such a nice person.

something that has become quite nan de in singapore.

i'm so impressed =)

haha alrights i shldddd study before froggie's 21st later! =D

excited.

haha valentines was awesome.

awesome because of the person i spent it with.

indescribable.

the valentines day that meant the most to me after all these years lol =)

hall production was awesome too =)

great weekend. haha =p

yuan's 21st tmr! so exciting =)

the past few days.
difficult to describe.
emotional rollercoaster.
mentally physically emotionally tired.
so tired.
i actually think i crossed into the burnt out zone.
sigh.
accumulation of everything the past couple of months.
i guess what they say is right.
when something big ends for you, suddenly all the accumulated fatigue and frustration just starts pouring out.
and there's no way to stop it.

but i'm glad.
cos at the end of the day,
i'm really proud of my team.
i really couldnt possibly ask for a better team than this.
i'm proud of them for fighting till the last second.
i'm glad that they stood up to the challenge.
i'm thankful for how they came together to help me pull everything back together.
i'm grateful for the support i've received over the past few mths from the team.
the personal emails messages talks. yeah they really meant a lot.
it made the difference between me wanting to give up. or me wanting to push on further.
i only regret that i got too tired towards the end of the captaincy.
it's been a long journey.
but i'm glad that we're where we are now.
though things didn't go in our favour at the end,
i'm glad. really glad. that we are a TEAM.
and im glad that you all feel like part of the team.
the bonds that will carry us through till the next ihg.

i'm glad. and thankful. =)

to cry or not to cry.

haha meet thunder and lightning =)

happy first and many many more to come!

cos you'll always be my thunder =)

haha yet another new year with you! haha =)
haha okie i'm being retarded. but i'm happy =) hahaha...

anddd xin nian kuai le everyone! =)

haha so many things coming up within such a short period of time. so scary.
i really don't know how i'm gonna handle it all =(
first basketball match coming up real soon too.
im scared. im worried. im frightened.
but i cannot be.
it's been a long tiring and draining journey.
i'm so drained, mentally and emotionally tired that
part of me is so so relieved that i'll FINALLY be handing over captaincy soon.
another part of me wants it to last awhile more. cos i believe we can make this happen.
and i know that i cannot possibly give up right at the end.

i really need to pull myself back together.
just for this last leg of the race.
come on.
giving up and letting go is not an option.

hold me close and never let me go =)

yay! dear's 23rd today =)
shall let the pictures do the talking

hahaha yay and thanks mogu and huiling for helping me out =)

oh. no pics of my pretty present =( hahahaha oh well. lalala....

bahhh. my dear is sick =(

please get well soon =)

happy 23rd =)

guess i snapped a little
cried a little today.
but im glad that im safe in your arms.
im glad to know that you're by my side always,
going through thick and thin with me.
thanks dear.

the quieter this place is,
the more i miss you.
please please move back soon dear.
=( =( =(

i couldnt be luckier going into this new year with you. =)
happy 8th day of christmas =) =) =)

so tell me.
why do i always end up being the one having to make the difficult decisions?

hahaha it's been awhile. many gatherings the past few days.

shall let the pictures do the talking.

5th floor outing to minds cafe and clarke quay =)

we loveeee kr d blk 5th floor =)

been spending a lil more time at home these days as well.
midnight mass at st andrews cathedral was pretty insightful. =)

chrismas-es should be like that. haha not stuck alone in hall. =x

yay! the pretty looking logcake at home on xmas =)

dropped by the oac christmas party as well.

loved the talks and the many different insights and opinions into all the different things like marriage and all. =)

haha only that gew and blackie had to leave the dinner halfway to catch their bus to go climb their mountain in malaysia. =x
but still, it was great fun =)

haha yay the 4/2 white christmas at carol's.

pretty nice to see many familiar faces and hahaha all those memories of those little things which used to happen back in secondary schoool. hahaha rocks. =)

and i love carol's =D

and yes, haha that's a crocodile pinata filled with candies. haha how cute is that =p

out to see the singapore flyer and caught a glimspe of the marina barrage with my family before meeting rae weennnnn! haha =D

haha omg our pretty white and silver star-red 2009 diaries from prints.

ex but haha omg so pretty. couldnt help it.

hahahaha! and we bought it as christmas presents for each other too.

hahaha we in we paid for each other's diaries and wished each other merry christmas on the spot.

hahahahahahhaa the sales person seriously had the omg im trying to control myself from bursting into laughter look. LOL. i think she's seriously amused by us. lol.

hahahaha and there we went again buying the same hairband together.

and some other secret stuff too. hahahahaha...

remember buying the same shirt together with rae hui before a couple of christmas-ses ago too.

our last minute white christmas tee buy =)

and a year later pple still ask us where we bought it from hahaha rocks.

haha its no wonder why i miss them when they go overseas.

love the crazy things we do together haha =)

and of course, more importantly, it's.... jean's birthday!

haha hope you had a blast of a birthday =)

oh yes! and haha i passed my basic theory test yesterday too!

haha finally decided to take it after so long.

haha and i had a nice food trail cum shopping session with yuan too! =D

niceee ice cream from shaw towers.

more meetups to come.

too many pple i havent met since like i entered jc or uni.

trying my best to meet all the many many pple i've lost most contact with cos i'm always too busy to be around =(
oh well more trainings to come too...

jiayou ba. =)

i feel as if im being pulled.
stretched from every corner.
way over my yield strength.
why cant anyone give me a break.
leave me alone. just for a moment.
why cant the problems stop coming in one after another.
i cant.
i cant do this.
i cant do this alone.
i cant do this alone anymore.

i miss my neighbours =(
5th floor is a ghost floor.

hur. but haha oh well theres some church camp going on here suddenly.
kinda awkard when they're like omg are you the girl in the lift?
then it gets even more awkard when they ask you that IN the lift itself,
while pointing at that poster =(
omggg. haha sigh oh well.

holidays so equals trainings and more extra stuff.
holidays shouldn't be called holidays =(

alrights its been awhile.
exams are over. and i actually feel relieved.
for the first time since i've stepped into nus.
maybe cos i actually tried to put in a little effort into my academics for once this semester.
just that perhaps spreading it across 6 modules again isnt a very good thing.
but i'm sure it'd be better than last semester. then again. nothing can beat last semester. =(

korea was great. learnt a lot about the history of korea.
always had a thing for listening to stories of the histories of foreign countries. haha =)
met up with so much snow it's scary. snowed non stop for like 5 out of my 7 days there.
even on the tropical island. so much so the locals came out to take a look at it for themselves cos its THAT rare. how lucky.
skiing is my new found sport. rocks. =)
and i'm officially immune to heights. like completely overcome the fear.
though i'd still whine a little here and there. but yup. no more of that heart dropping feeling of freefall. even when bungee-ing. so yups. i guess im over that =)
shall update about korea again another time when i'm a little free-er.
i'm so definitely going back there again =)

first training after the exams was pretty alright i guess. basics, pt. good. i like my team =)
alumni day was... interesting. really do love touch. but my handball is... rarh just put it that i need a lot a lot of training. and i really need to restart running more. ihg is coming =( and so is christmas LOL =p

oh well sigh. just sent in my sep application this afternoon. now typing out my rough timeline for ese camp. while watching grey's anatomy while thinking about tmr's training. and whether src'd have courts. its never gonna stop is it? hoildays. =(

HAHAHA...
i SO SO have to say this.
OMG IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF
I FINISHED THE BIOCHEM SYLLABUS.
like the WHOLE THING.
hahahahahahaa...
and i started studying proper at like 1030pm.
omggg...
managed to finish carbohydrates,
and tagged my textbooks and notes going through the entire syllabus.
super proud of myself. 6 hours straight.
okie with a little bit of geocities. but it was minimal.
hahahaha omggg...
so i CAN be self disciplined afterall should the need arise. =)
haha okie good. now i don't feel THAT underprepared for biochem.
relieved.
at least i know i tried. =)
yayyy... last paper! lets go! =)
jiayou to everyone else still studying! =)

omggg...
so much for managing to cover the statics and mechanics syllabus in time.
suddenly realised it's super late already.
and i've yet to cover what i need to cover.
as in trying out of questions.
omggg...
and my lsmmm. im seriously not gonna touch it until like what a few hrs before the paper?
omggg...
i suddenly feel... quite stressed.
but the only stress i'm seeing now is...
normal stress
shear stress
engineering stress.
die. =(
jiayou. i so cannot afford to flop this module. hur.

the greatest human power is our power to be weak.

true. but how we go about utilising this power is still our own choice.
you decide.
whether you're going to let things take control of you.
or whether you're going to step up and take control of things.
the choice is yours.
to give up or not to give up.
the choice is yours.
so near yet so far.
what's your choice gonna be?

i think im getting quite out of focus again.
too much procrastination.
here. there. everywhere.
espcially when i'm already studying so last minute for my modules.
i need start reframing my state of mind soon.
tired. very tired. but i cannot...
cannot give up on my last two modules once tmr's paper is over.
i cannot repeat last semester again.
i must never crash and burn by giving up ever again.
i will not be weak.

if i can't. then i MUST.
jiayou. =)

haha i'm a very happy girl today! haha =)
so much for being so sad after the ppr cos subway ran out of cookies... haha...
janice and xiuqi bought me the double choc chip cookies =)
jiaying brought us pizza.
weikit and mel brought us mudpies.
oliver's going around with the guitar.
and i just had two bubble teas too.
haha just when you're sad and super sian diao-ed that right after a genetic engineering paper...
you have a paper on... uh. the history of singapore and south east asia.
evolution of a global city state,
people come around making your day.
much love =)
alrights. time to haha start on my history module. though its already haha a little late. lol =)

worried.
worried.
very worried for this module.
i really wonder if what i'm doing now is enough to make up for my midterm flop. =(
i really hope so.
lord please guide me.
100 questions. i can/must be able to do this.
sigh.

oh well. dinnered in engin with shileng today after his fluid mech paper. =)
talking about biathlons,
suddenly realised i havent done one since... january?
and i havent done a triathlon since... forever. omg.
kinda miss the endurance feel of the sport.
should do one soon.
still kinda sad that i'd be missing standard charted. but oh well. family's more important yeah.
random thought: shall try running at 13km/hr flat the next time i use the threadmill since i realised that i can maintain at 12.5 without much problems. =)
good trainings. the faster... the better. the greater the sense of fulfilment. =)
though a little worrying for the op-ed leg ehs. hmm...
haha okie i should so be trying to salvage my tmr's ppr by like studying.
still feeling a little worried that it's not enough =(

oh well. happy picture for the day:














rainbow spotted outside my window the other day! =)

something that shileng told me the other day...
it's a reminder that if you wanna embrace the rainbow,
you must first embrace the rain.

how very true.
alrights. so it's back to mugging and hoping for the best =)
jiayous everyone =)

btw omg this is so good for dna microarrays. super simplified. i declare it idiot proof =)
http://www.bio.davidson.edu/Courses/genomics/chip/chip.html
love it.

disappointed.
i really felt that the ce2407 ppr wasn't THAT bad.
or at least it wasnt as evily crafted out as i expected it to be.
judging from the un-do-able assignments each time.
but really very disappointed.
euler's method. the only method i didnt really bother to comprehend properly.
cos there are so many methods.
it already came out too many times before.
sigh. there goes 25marks in a question.
probability... a little uncertainty here and there.
i can live with that.
BUT. goodjob. i super ran out of time.
and i ran out of time for the only part that's supposed to confirm you marks.
CONFIDENCE INTERVAL TESTING. thats like how STANDARD CAN.
as in yeah there are a lot of tests to choose from. but once you get hold of the right test for the situation... you can't really go wrong after that what.
im so irritated. cos i also knew which test to use. sigh.
and im very irritated with myself. kept copying the wrong numbers. too tired liao i think.
but it really happened a lot a lot of times.
and the recalculation resulting from that is really very tedious and time consuming.
sigh. nevermind. just ranting it out. feeling... disturbed by it. =(

but oh well. its over. time to move on. 4 more papers. thurs fri mon tues. super heavy. and i really cannot afford to flop another semester.... after what happened last semester.
you know till now... i really still have problems sleeping at night during the exam periods even though i'm so tired. cos i still cant get over how everything went so wrong last sem. scared. =(
arggh. nvm nvm. happy thoughts for now. shall go sleep a little before going off to study. =)

boo. im super bored in engin...
hiding in my cosy little corner near lt1.
i love engin. and here in engin. all i hear are sounds of engines.
whoots. =) rocks.
my ese pple have all left to go do their hydraulics paper.
i will do it soon too =x
unproductive day. unproductive weekend.
lousy saturday paper.
and my second paper's tmr. good job kim. =(
i need i need... to focus. but somehow i cant seem to do so. =(
sigh oh well. 9am kim 9am. tmr. then its thurs fri mon tues and im done.
focus on your outcome! comeon!

oh well. anyway hahahaha shilenggg came to find me in engin just a short while agooo =)
all the way from the mpsh to engin! =)
after his thermody paper... yay =) its worth it to come to engin early to attempt to mug after all ehs? =) haha. kidding kidding. haha i love engin =)











hahaha okie this is probably too small to be seen.
but i think ivle for the year twos went mad yesterday.
they added ma1506 into our module list.
haha omg IM A SEVEN MODD-ER.
HOW PRO IS THAT! HAHAHAHA =)
haha crazy. thats suicidal. 7 in a sem. thats not even allowed.

hahaha okie i think i'm too stressed. cant seem to sleep at night these days.
even though im so so tired.
buttt i can still sleep throughout the day -_-
GG. and i cant screw my bioclock this sem if not i confirm GG.

too many morning papers.
okieeee im gonna start studying. if not i really won't be back from engin by even 10pm tonight =(
jiayous. =)

i think i'm really very stressed.
keep sleeping.
feeling super irritatable.
super irritated.
i think my body's gonna start rejecting me again.
getting the chest feels compressed hurting whenever i breathe feeling again.
sigh. all one day before my paper. =(
im screwed. and now i cant finish in time.
arggh.
and i'm running weird thoughts to treat myself to all the backlog of ss webcasts to "destress".
omg whats wrong with me =(

on the bright side. i dreamt of you today.
maybe it's cos we've been talking a lot more these couple of days.
but at least it makes things feel a lot better. =)

someone asked me an interesting question the other day.

if you were given a chance to take up an overseas scholarship and restart everything again... would you? that kind of got me thinking a little.

would you? i most definately would. super super regret my year one. if i could start from a clean sheat, even if it means restarting from year one, and wasting two years. i really would. hur. haha but thats not the most interesting part. the most interesting part is that even after everything that i went through... i would choose to study engineering again. and the funniest part is that my hunch is that i'd choose to study environmental science engineering as well. just that i'd choose it right from the start this time round.

guess i've learnt to like engin. just that i really do need more time. time to go for my lectures. time to go for my tutorials. time to go for my labs. time to actually do my homework and assignments. time to study and figure out what's going on. it really is quite interesting afterall.

oh well. but time remains as a priviledge. i really do need to learn how to handle my time much better.

at least this sem i've learnt how to say no. no to taking up too many positions. though what i have with me is still quite a lot. but at least it's still possibly managable. one step at a time. i'm gonna get things right.

still way too slow in my studying this recess week. it's almost over. and i'm starting my first paper this saturday. still no where near done. very worried. too much at risk this sem. but somehow it still feels better than last sem. not good. not great. but still better. that's the only thing that's conforting me right now.

and i really do think i'm weird. i feel more at ease with my year two rather than year one modules. i'm weird. oh well. realised gymming is really good for stress relief. still can maintain at 12km/hr even at the third round of running. and i don't find it that tiring. guess thats gonna be a good thing for me. hopefully it keeps up.

alrights. time to sleep. shall go to my new found optimal mugging area that i found today.
guess where guess where?
engineering. muahaha.
yes i love engin so.
can't you feel the need to mug?
i love the mugging/stressful aura.
whoots.
i repeat. i'm weird.

okay maybe im just really too... tired. haha =x

was waiting at the arrival terminal together with rachel for jean's homecoming...
when i saw this cute pretty little girl being carried by her dad.
then she hugged her dad and told him... " i love you daddy"
OMG. so cute. so sweet. when was the last time you told your mum and dad the same thing?
just a random thought.

anyway i realised. im slowly beginning to like engineering actually.
i mean like yeah its difficult and challenging. but seriously if you've enough time to sit there and figure things out... it's really quite fun and interesting. i just need to be more disciplined. and of course, find a little more time.

studying for the finals is going wayyy too slow. not good. =( sleeping too much, moving too slowly. too distracted. arggh. nono. too much at risk again this sem. i really really cannot afford to flop as much as last semester again. it's scary. =(

which reminds me. whyyyy am i blogging now when i should be studying and making up for the many many wasted hours?

rarh. oh the distractions again. discipline kim. discipline is the key.

becauseeee this msg came in earlier today made me smileeee over and over again =)

his rarh is cute hahaha =)

and my amigo-ish tortoise is cute too! =)

i'm being oh so random yet again hahas.

ahaha and since it has crossed into monday,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHERYL LEE =)
come back quick! =D

hahaha alrights back to work.

updateee another time.

so so need to study for the 6 papers =(

jiayous. =)

ps: obama rocks haha =)

because im being so emo these days.
i just did a personality test.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

find it really true for me though.
rarh. judge for yourself.

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.


alrights. thats for now. i should really start studying for the finals. sigh.

i should be the saddest person on earth.
i think i am now.
so frustrated.
=(