finally finally finished the super undoable past year quiz.

so so ridiculous.

at least i figured it out. but still.

pls pls pray for me. that i won't flunk tmr's test =(

cos i really wanna specialise in that.

and my four labs in a day tmr. omg.

830am labs are unearthly hours.

to the long long day ahead.

lord, please carry me through.

yayness! kim is a happy girl today.

cos he met me twice today!

and both times more than the occasional 5-10mins we might have together here and there per week. =)

water and wastewater engineering test tmr. i need... to do well. =(

4 labs per day for this week. madness. and you wonder why i always disappear.

pls pls get me past this week...

nine and counting to many more ahead =)

cos the best times are when it's just you and me =)

sigh.

of course.

of course i mind.

=(

but it won't make a difference anyway.

sometimes i cant help it.

i'm trying my best to cope.

but it really doesn't when my neighbour's bf is ard everyday.

and i see him so much more often than you.

i don't expect to see you everyday.

i know that's not possible.

but this is making it v difficult for me.

i really wish i could just close my door and go without a care in the world.

but i can't.

so everyday i miss you.

and everyday i miss you more and more.

and i find it even more difficult when we hardly talk.

i need you to reply me. cos it helps to keep me going.

yet i can't tell you all of this.

because i know i need to be stronger.

to carry myself through this sem on my own.

I GOT ACCEPTED BY SEMBCORP! =D

for my industrial attachment.

not bad quite surprised since they have only 3 interns this year.

of which only 2 are from environmental engineering.

pls pls plsss let them give me the right jobscope.

let it be the one im interested in...

pleaseeeeeeee...

is on the verge of tears.

and the dearie came to have lunch with me today.
even though it was a pretty short lunch,
you have no idea how glad i am to see you.
i missed that safe feeling being in your arms.
i missed you trying to pinch my nose.
i missed you. a lot.

YAY! and today i get koi bubble tea from my neighbour rachel. =)
and i had oreo mc flurry with mogu this afternoon =)
ooh and now kelvin and his big pack of maltesers! =)
people are giving me happy food everyday to bring down my stress level which is like way past yielding strength.
but AH WELL. i dont mind. it cheers me up =)


ps: i secretly appreciate even the smallest things. i'm that kind of girl.
i love my friends! =D

so so much to do. so many things due. =(

yayyeeee! sze sian came over to visit with a rocking snow skin mooncake! =D
reminds me of the time when the oacians came over with popeyes and tiramisu to cheer me up during reading week when i was on the brink of giving up back in year 1 sem 2.
enjoyed the talk. much needed. in a much better mood now =)
yayyy even when all else falters, my oacians never fail to make my day at the right times.
i loveee my oacians =)
<3

freaking stressed.
yesterday i bought 5 small mooncakes as comfort food.
they're all gone.
the chocolate in my fridge. which is technically on my table now is quickly disappearing.
i am damn stressed.
i need people to periodically talk to me.
i don't care whether it's by msg, by phone or face to face.
but theres no one to talk to. except for this old trustworthy blog of mine which has yet to fail me..
no one will ever understand.
i. feel. like. a. ticking. timebomb.

and that non-stop ringing sound is driving me crazy.

sometimes when i ask for something, i don't expect you to say yes.
yes, i hate it when you say no so directly and flatly. and the words that come along with it.
like at most that day dun come lor. i have nothing to lose.
it secretly hurts me inside. a lot. like really a lot.
perhaps this is just goes to show how lousy i am.
i can't even get you to compromise or give in. not even a little sacrifice.
just for a day.
when i request for something, i don't even need you to say yes.
all i need at the end of the day is for you to say maybe. see how it goes. or i'll think about it.
to me that's already a compromise.
that's good enough for me.
but i can't even get that.
i must be really really lousy.

i often blog when i'm upset, sad or stressed.
this blog is basically becoming my personal space to vent my frustrations.
i like the anonymity that comes with it.
definitely worth me pulling it off google and requesting for certain people to unlink this blog so that it won't become that much of a public blog.
sighs. the ups and downs of life.
i'm busy. too busy. i officially have no life.
everyday's a mad rush. even so, there will always be that stockpile of work that i'm unable to clear.
ah well. but i shall take some time off now to put up a happy post. pretty rare ehs.

Anyway, over the weeks, i had an awesome 21st =)
with the surprise planned party at the sand bar, sentosa, the celebrations in kr, and the many meetups =)
thanks everyone for making it such a memorable birthday for me =)


the sentosa love =)



































































































































the many midnight surprises back in hall =)





























the meetups =)













































































and of course, with him =)














(probably the one and only photo i'll ever post of us doing that lol)

and of course, the many people who wished me...
and the many people whom i wished were here in singapore to celebrate it with me
thank you for being a such an important part of my last 21 years =)

YAY! he finally came to visit me here in hall today while i'm trying to clear whatever assignments i can clear so that i'll make my next few horror weeks a lil less horrifying =s
although it's just for awhile... but i really really really appreciated his presence a lot =)
i'm happier today cos my dearie just made my day! loves =)

and i don't want the world to see me.
even my textbook hates me.
just when i wanted a distraction from everything.
it cuts me.




ps: i wanted to ask you. i really did. but before i could, they asked you first. again.

... and there he goes again.
gone.
away from me again.
that feeling of emptiness is back.
i'm sad i'm lonely.
i'm sick i'm emo.
i'm on the brink of tears.
maybe i'm just depressed.
maybe i'm just not strong enough.

sometimes i really feel like crying.
do you ever get the feeling that you're all alone in this world?
when you're tired and stressed, sometimes all you need is a little affirmation.
you're stressed, im stressed too.
i can't and will not be able to cope this sem.
i've always known it the moment i got my modules.
i'm trying but i can't.
sometimes your tone just makes me feel even worse.
you don't realise it. most people won't. but it's times like this in which it hits me real hard.
sometimes ignoring me when i need someone to talk to the most puts me on the brink of tears.
i feel like i'm sinking deeper and deeper.
you don't know that.
because i don't tell you.
because at times, it's just me against the world.

he really loves me
he really really does =)

so many things i want to say.
but yet i can't.

all things happen for a reason.