i often blog when i'm upset, sad or stressed.
this blog is basically becoming my personal space to vent my frustrations.
i like the anonymity that comes with it.
definitely worth me pulling it off google and requesting for certain people to unlink this blog so that it won't become that much of a public blog.
sighs. the ups and downs of life.
i'm busy. too busy. i officially have no life.
everyday's a mad rush. even so, there will always be that stockpile of work that i'm unable to clear.
ah well. but i shall take some time off now to put up a happy post. pretty rare ehs.

Anyway, over the weeks, i had an awesome 21st =)
with the surprise planned party at the sand bar, sentosa, the celebrations in kr, and the many meetups =)
thanks everyone for making it such a memorable birthday for me =)


the sentosa love =)



































































































































the many midnight surprises back in hall =)





























the meetups =)













































































and of course, with him =)














(probably the one and only photo i'll ever post of us doing that lol)

and of course, the many people who wished me...
and the many people whom i wished were here in singapore to celebrate it with me
thank you for being a such an important part of my last 21 years =)

YAY! he finally came to visit me here in hall today while i'm trying to clear whatever assignments i can clear so that i'll make my next few horror weeks a lil less horrifying =s
although it's just for awhile... but i really really really appreciated his presence a lot =)
i'm happier today cos my dearie just made my day! loves =)

and i don't want the world to see me.
even my textbook hates me.
just when i wanted a distraction from everything.
it cuts me.




ps: i wanted to ask you. i really did. but before i could, they asked you first. again.

... and there he goes again.
gone.
away from me again.
that feeling of emptiness is back.
i'm sad i'm lonely.
i'm sick i'm emo.
i'm on the brink of tears.
maybe i'm just depressed.
maybe i'm just not strong enough.

sometimes i really feel like crying.
do you ever get the feeling that you're all alone in this world?
when you're tired and stressed, sometimes all you need is a little affirmation.
you're stressed, im stressed too.
i can't and will not be able to cope this sem.
i've always known it the moment i got my modules.
i'm trying but i can't.
sometimes your tone just makes me feel even worse.
you don't realise it. most people won't. but it's times like this in which it hits me real hard.
sometimes ignoring me when i need someone to talk to the most puts me on the brink of tears.
i feel like i'm sinking deeper and deeper.
you don't know that.
because i don't tell you.
because at times, it's just me against the world.

he really loves me
he really really does =)

so many things i want to say.
but yet i can't.

all things happen for a reason.

a lousy murphy's law ruled day.
im gonna put it behind.
cos tmr's gonna be a better day.

haha actually im quite easy.
all i want is a little get away with him.
a weekend escapade or something to somewhere near.
even bintan or batam or something sounds good.
yup. that's all. =)

because the first kiss is the sweetest =)
and because i love you.

procrastination.
in some sense a somewhat taboo word i must say.
they same way i had wanted to write this post a day or two ago. kind of got caught in the oh i think i've something else to do i'll do this later state.
so why have i decided to write this today? because i've finally found some personal time to do so? nope. i need to pack to move back into my room back in hall early tommorrow afternoon, i need to solve a couple of math questions. i'm writing this as a way of not doing all those things. procrastination yet again.

looking back in history, the most impressive people are mostly masters of procrastination. in that manner, there should be some bright side to procrastination yes?

with the endless number of things we could be doing at each moment in time, it's impossible to avoid something as tempting as procrastination.

there are three different variants of procrastination. you could 1) do nothing, 2) do something less important or 3) do something more important.

Procrastinators seldom do absolutely nothing; they do marginally useful things, things to get around doing the task at hand. So the solution? Structured procrastination.

Perhaps something along the line of making a list of tasks to be accomplished; ordered by importance. Just a little twist. The top of your list should probably consist of something that seems very important (but perhaps not so in real life) and very (seemingly) urgent. The somewhat highly exaggerated (in terms of importance) tasks. And by being the procrastinator in us, we'd probably end up accomplishing all the other less important (but actually more important tasks in real life) from the list. Deception you might say. But i actually do think that it might just work.

Just some food for thought =)

M.A.D

it's a mad mad world.
often in life, you would think that life is made up of big big things.
you sit down, thinking of a thousand and one ways to change the world.
but sometimes, it is the smallest things that make the biggest differences in life.

life, is made up of the simplest things.

you ask yourself, who am i to make a difference.
but, who are you not to?

small simple things such as giving up your seat on the bus or train to someone who needs it more, giving an encouraging word or two to a friend or even smiling to a complete random stranger go a long long way.

who i am makes a difference.

M.A.D. make a difference. today =)

moral of the story.
never trust nus.
never trust engin.
i hate them. i really do.
every semester they screw things up for me.
what's wrong with them.

dropped by the chem eng, bio eng and envi engin commencement this morning.
(means we're probably gonna graduate on the same time and date dear =p )
suddenly i feel quite inspired to graduate with honours
(probably cos it'd be quite paiseh to graduate withoout honours)
cos they split it up to with or without honours.
hehhh.
as long as i can keep up with this sem's semester cap. or do better. i think it's still possible =)
ah well. new found motivation. lol.

ps. i miss you. a lot.

i miss singapore.
i miss you.
i miss you like crazy.
cant wait to come back tmr =)

I'M BACK!

haha taking it slow this holidays =)

well needed long break. for once, i'm around =)

so yes, if you're around, you can start dating me out! wahaha =D

teamHAPS =)

first camp/race of the holidays.

the noMADic race.
haha follow our footsteps at http://teamhaps09.wordpress.com/
lol. an experience to remember =)

sam's birthday! hawaiian! =D
many fun polaroid moments and crazy dancing =)
and holidays means more time out with you! =D

wheeee! thailand in the weekend.

and rae wen this week hopefully! yay rocks =)

yay finished studying for tmr's module.
just a past year paper left to try =)
i'm anticipating!
my momentary freedom =)
though i'm a lil at a loss as to what to do with my holidays now that yep's been cancelled.
HMM. ah well. i should SO get a job then.
but till then, yay! =D

hehe. always and four-ever. haha
happy fourth month dear! =D

dear lord,
please give me the strength to pull through.
help me to see the bright side to every adversity,
because i know lord that behind every dark cloud there is a silver lining.
help me to stay calm and composed.
help me to react and make decisions, not based on rash impulse or emotions, but logically .

dear lord,
i really miss you so.

love,
your child.

i can't do it. =(

i think.

i'm going a lil crazy.
surving on 2-3 hours of sleep a day.

this is what happens when 24 hours a day are just not enough.

i'm so so tired. but i cant sleep. because im screwed if i do.

please please give me a break.

once i get past saturday and it's test...

i'm gonna go jogging.

i'm gonna sleep for 6 hours.

i'm gonna go for a short retail therapy if time permits. (i wanna see uniquelo)

i'm gonna spend a lil time with my family.

just for that saturday.

going for good friday mass in a few hours time. cant wait.

my little dinner escapade to the very nearby clementi central.

worth every second of our much needed break

i think this is quite cute. but my red hair cant be seen under this light =(

the two extremely tired looking engineers

always. =)

alrights back to the rushing. =(

because right now im now THIS close to giving up. =(
but i cant.
because i've been through giving up before.

some people ask.

what is love.

love is when you wish that he is the first person you see when you wake up every morning.

love is when you want the best for him all the time.

love is that mutual understanding that mutual feeling.

love is how this smile unknowingly appears across your face each time you see him.

love is that funny feeling inside.

love is that magic feeling when his arms are around you.

love is finding perfection in his imperfection.
love is loving him for being himself and no one else.

love is knowing he'll be there through thick and thin with you.

love is that feeling of reassurance, that he will catch me when i fall.

love is when you would do anything to be with him for that one additional second.

love is when you wished each and every second with him would last for eternity.
love is something you can't get enough of.

love is indescribable.

through this three months,

i've learnt and hopefully matured more than i ever could have.

happy third month dear. =)

anddd happy april's fool to everyone else. haha =p

on a side note, yes la! i passed my final theory test! easily! lol!

i hate falling sick.
maybe its cos i usually dont.
so when it comes it usually hits me much harder.
boo.
i hate the on off fevers.
i hate the sleepless nights.
i hate the runny nose.
i hate everything.
such a lousy timing.
but im glad for the bf.
and the mogu who just came over to cook noodles with me.
so so many things due.
i feel so unproductive.
but i cant help it.

acid attack.
stomach's been acting up again recently.
the painful churning a bit like suan feeling.
not the very sharp pains which used to come along with it in the past.
but still its getting on my nerves.
anti acid pills are working only slightly these days.
and i don't really know what to do.
frustrating.

so so busy.
if only there could be more than 24 hours in a day.

hmm i guess it was kind of weird.
i was at a party today...
being my random high self doing and talking rubbish.
then someone just jokingly went orh hor later i tell your bf.
you know the usual thing. which doesnt matter to me cos i mean like of cos the dear bf already knows how high and rubbished i usually am.
what struck me more was the reaction someone had.
like someone who didnt know me before until the party itself.
she immediately turned and just asked a mutual friend.. oh she's attached?

i dunno but i guess it just got stuck replaying in my head a couple of times.
probably its me being quite sensitive to it.
but i guess i just sensed the huh shes attached and she's still so open and everything kind of feeling.
kind of just got me thinking again... what people's perception of attached people should be.
i know some people think that you be more conservative, more like okie must keep a distance from all other guys, quieten down, be more demure and all.
but somehow i still don't believe in that.

i believe being in a relationship shouldnt restrict you from being the person you are.
i believe that there is no need to quieten down yourself.
i believe that you don't need to keep that much of a distance from your guy friends.
i believe that you should have the same freedom that you had before getting attached.
as long as you are clear with yourself.
and as long as you know your limits well.
i think it is fine.
i trust him wholeheartedly.
and i can only hope that he will trust me wholeheartedly back.
i choose to believe that he will.

i believe that abeit all other contributing factors, a good relationship is one that is based on mutual trust, mutual respect, mutual understanding.
i'm that little bit more confident this sem.
that little bit more consistant in my work.
that little bit more clear of what i want to achieve in life.
because i know that no matter what decision i make, no matter what i do,
there's that someone who's always behind me, supporting me all the way.
like what i always believed, a good relationship shld be one that leaves you as a more confident individual, rather then someone who's much more quietened down cos half the time you're wondering oh no if i do or say this and if my bf finds out whats he gonna think.
mutual trust gives you freedom independance and confidence.
this is partly (out of the manyyy manyyyy reasons) why i love him so. =)

haha yesterday i missed him
today he's here with me!
must be some sort of telepathy
i'm all smiles. hahahaha! =D

sitting in my room alone,
staring at my lousy notes.
suddenly i miss this person more than ever.
i've no idea why.
even though i just saw him for lunch earlier.
bah help =(














the photo that never fails to make me smile.

i'm supposed to be studying.
butttt i miss you! =(
bahhhh...

whoots. finally tried out sushi teh at ngee ann city.
rocks. love it. haha =)
and marley and me is such a good show.
cant wait to watch he's just not that into you. wahaha.
jennifer aniston is so so hot. haha =p

pretty parcel moving mechanism haha =)

our after-movie sinful indulgence

that person who never fails to always be there for me =)

pretty decor! =)

his hot chocolate which tasted so so good. the rose extract. omggg. haha =D

my drink me cold espresso dunno what thingy that sounded super awesome and cool. haha rocks.

the chocolate cake. which was literally chocolate. with the ice cream and nice choco bits.

anddddd super nice fruits with that melted chocolate sauce. omggg -drools- =p

the very happy girl. haha =p

it's another new month.

which means.

i'm walking into yet another month with you.

couldnt ask for anything better.

its gonna be a very difficult month ahead though.

but i've got you here with me.

and i'm sure we'll get past this together.
much love =)

haha i realised im becoming more open with this.

and im guessing its a good thing =)

haha and oh yeah.

i'm still quite impressed.

earlier today... i was about to make a run to cityhall mrt from a bus stop in the heavy rain though i didnt have an umbrella cos i wanted to meet baby that little bit earlier when...

haha someone called me from behind just as i was about to make a dash for it to share her umbrella with her.

omggg such a nice person.

something that has become quite nan de in singapore.

i'm so impressed =)

haha alrights i shldddd study before froggie's 21st later! =D

excited.

haha valentines was awesome.

awesome because of the person i spent it with.

indescribable.

the valentines day that meant the most to me after all these years lol =)

hall production was awesome too =)

great weekend. haha =p

yuan's 21st tmr! so exciting =)

the past few days.
difficult to describe.
emotional rollercoaster.
mentally physically emotionally tired.
so tired.
i actually think i crossed into the burnt out zone.
sigh.
accumulation of everything the past couple of months.
i guess what they say is right.
when something big ends for you, suddenly all the accumulated fatigue and frustration just starts pouring out.
and there's no way to stop it.

but i'm glad.
cos at the end of the day,
i'm really proud of my team.
i really couldnt possibly ask for a better team than this.
i'm proud of them for fighting till the last second.
i'm glad that they stood up to the challenge.
i'm thankful for how they came together to help me pull everything back together.
i'm grateful for the support i've received over the past few mths from the team.
the personal emails messages talks. yeah they really meant a lot.
it made the difference between me wanting to give up. or me wanting to push on further.
i only regret that i got too tired towards the end of the captaincy.
it's been a long journey.
but i'm glad that we're where we are now.
though things didn't go in our favour at the end,
i'm glad. really glad. that we are a TEAM.
and im glad that you all feel like part of the team.
the bonds that will carry us through till the next ihg.

i'm glad. and thankful. =)

to cry or not to cry.

haha meet thunder and lightning =)

happy first and many many more to come!

cos you'll always be my thunder =)

haha yet another new year with you! haha =)
haha okie i'm being retarded. but i'm happy =) hahaha...

anddd xin nian kuai le everyone! =)

haha so many things coming up within such a short period of time. so scary.
i really don't know how i'm gonna handle it all =(
first basketball match coming up real soon too.
im scared. im worried. im frightened.
but i cannot be.
it's been a long tiring and draining journey.
i'm so drained, mentally and emotionally tired that
part of me is so so relieved that i'll FINALLY be handing over captaincy soon.
another part of me wants it to last awhile more. cos i believe we can make this happen.
and i know that i cannot possibly give up right at the end.

i really need to pull myself back together.
just for this last leg of the race.
come on.
giving up and letting go is not an option.

hold me close and never let me go =)

yay! dear's 23rd today =)
shall let the pictures do the talking

hahaha yay and thanks mogu and huiling for helping me out =)

oh. no pics of my pretty present =( hahahaha oh well. lalala....

bahhh. my dear is sick =(

please get well soon =)

happy 23rd =)

guess i snapped a little
cried a little today.
but im glad that im safe in your arms.
im glad to know that you're by my side always,
going through thick and thin with me.
thanks dear.

the quieter this place is,
the more i miss you.
please please move back soon dear.
=( =( =(

i couldnt be luckier going into this new year with you. =)
happy 8th day of christmas =) =) =)