in the unfamiliar crowd, you're the only face i wanna see.

after a day at work,

seeing you just for that 5 minutes or so

feels like the best thing in the world =)

that look on your face

and that warm embrace

makes everything feel better again

i could live in this forever =)

hehe yeah! another great day with you! =D

alice in wonderland is not too bad! pretty good! =)

but if i were a kid, i'd cry after watching it.

all the pretty and cute little characters in that fairytale land that you're been reading about

all suddenly transformed into evil looking creatures with morbid scenes of alice in the wonderland

total nightmare for the kids (hence the very important PG sign)

haha anyway I still wanna get the cute forever friends bear mug =D

when i see it wahaha =p

ps: i hate e-learning week haha =(

okie. i think i've cooled down.
mood swinging these couple of days.
i always blog only when i'm fiesty. heh.
but i still do mean what i write. just in a less fiesty feel.

i mean it's not all bad.
i still appreciate it when you always remember to buy me sth to eat and drop it at my seat before night class starts cos you know i've no time to grab anything to eat,
when you brought me to see the doc and took care of me when i wasn't feeling well
even the smallest thing like your early morning good morning messages or spot checks to see if i've left hall so that i won't be late for work.
even the smile you give me when you look me in the eyes.
they really do make my day =)

i know i'm not very good at expressing how i feel.
i always keep things inside. keep you guessing.
so i write them down for now
it's just the littlest things which trouble me at times.
but it's a start. i'll keep learning. and trying not to keep you in the dark.
thank you though for listening me out,
for everything you've done for me too
and of course for loving me =)
<3

so many different feelings which i can never put into words.

guess that's why i always keep them in.

guess i've put off writting this for a long time already.

but i guess it just hit me harder than usual today.

even the simplest things. like walking me back to kr from biz after class. thats like what. across the road? not even a 5 mins walk. it's a waste of time. it can't be done.

from central lib back to hall. don't want to walk me back cos it's a waste of time too? fine.

even if you wanted to cab back from there. after accompanying you, it wouldn't hurt to ask the uncle to just drop me off at kr before heading back right? it wouldn't even take 5 mins of the uncle's driving time/your driving time.

you'd rather let me walk back alone at night.

the 5 mins which you'd probably spend watching tv. sitting. stoning. chatting. i don't know what else.

you know. i meant every word when i said you'd never send me back if i was going home home.

this is the reason why i'm so confident about that.

it's not about the sending back.

it's about everything else. everything else that you don't see.

especially when i try so hard.

you know whenever i know i'm going to be a little late to meet you.

i'll cab down cos that few mins i could save to spend with you was that important to me.

how i will plan my schedule or even cancel/rearrange timings/put on hold gatherings just because i know i have a chance of spending that little bit of time with you.

you have no idea.

i guess after everything.

it just hurts to know that i'm not even worth 5 minutes of your time.

not even 5 minutes.

i'm that insignificant.

but you will never understand.

a little bit sad.

a little bit disappointed.

don't really know what to feel for now.

but it's okay. i'll survive.

that's life. i guess.

i guess it's kind of weird. and i shouldn't be thinking like this.
but these couple of days, i've been wondering...
if hardcore engineering is really for me.

i mean i like it. but i don't know.
guess it's just the momentary feeling of uncertainty.
though i really think that i can still do so much more if given the chance.

yeah cny's been good.

another hectic day today running from mum's side to elaine's house for the interns cny gathering and finally to dearie's place.

life's good.

feeling more at ease... feeling more of the family feel at his side. i like that comfortable feeling =)

enjoyed myself loads. fav cny stop of the season =)

his turn to come over tmr! yay means i get to see you again! =D

haha this is turning out to be quite a good break from everything =)

hello =)

it's been awhile.
it's been a hectic couple of weeks.
weeks, days, hours zooming past me with the blink of an eye.

life's been good. tiring trying but good.
internship's been awesome.
wastewater's getting more and more intriguing
water or wastewater? wastewater hands down.
enjoying evey moment of this IA. though its really tiring to juggle it with night classes, late night chingay practices and other random stuff.
can't wait till chingay's over (soon soon yesssahhh! =p)
intern cny gathering tmr =)
pretty thankful that we're quite a close bunch of interns (probably partially cos there are so few of us)
was initially quite apprehensive to be the only environmental engineering student going to SUT. only kinda spelt lonely to me at that time. haha ah well. but i'm glad we cliqued. we're even going for an intern holiday in late july. =p anddd im learning chinese bit by bit everyday. and french too. i'm gonna be tri-lingual at the end of this internship man. yessah. lol =p
great bunch of intern friends, great supervisors and collegues who never fail to make me smile no matter how tired i am. what more could i ask for =)
and gosh think my little problem with heights is partially back.
that day on top of the isotanker. got that little panicky feeling deep down inside. something i haven't felt in awhile.
think i've been off high elements for too long. gotta do something about it.
go do more bungee thingys, rock climbing, roller coasters, climbing up trees that kinda stuff.
sometimes i think.. i'm quite... man-ly LOL =x sometimes. only. yeah. haha =x















a little chingay preview haha =p

and during this period of time, someone grew muchhh older.
someone's almost... just almost a quarter of a century old now. hahaha
(okie now you're gonna kill me for rubbing it in again lol)
and here comes his four part surprise =)














good spanish food, good ambience and good company. lol.















ta-da! twenty four! haha and my really melted lemon cheesecake =s



















his favourite rarh =)



















haha the fourth part... shall remain as a secret. LOL. =p

ahaha ah well. anyway xin nian kuai le people! =D
great break to recharge a lil before chingay comes at full force =s haha

back to ia reporting it is =p

alrights.
this sucks.
there's a reason why i don't play bball anymore.
and there's a bigger reason why i never stepped into that same court again.
to have to stand there and watch something that looked precatiously like the match last year was heart wrenching.
the same looks the same cheers the same omg feeling the same feeling heartdrop feeling each time the ball falls through that hoops.
painful to watch.
i hate competitions.
but then again. it's probably just how a captain feels.
after going through so much. training the team. leading the team. it hurts to watch it all end just like this.
sometimes you wonder if you could have done more. even though deep inside you already know that you tried your best.

2010 Yearly Horoscope, for Virgo

Overview
Whew! Feel that enormous burden sliding off of your shoulders, like you've been carrying around an overstuffed backpack for the last couple of years? That would be Saturn, planet of structures and limitation, moving out of your sign. Congratulations, first of all, on having simply made it through more or less in one piece. You passed through the fire and made it out the other side.Now, what to do with that spiritual Medal of Honor you've earned? Well, for one thing, establish who it is you really are with both yourself and those around you. Your ability to quietly endure both the big and little outrages of life have served you well in the last couple of years, and many of those around you may have come to assume that either it wasn't as rough on you as it was, or that you are somehow made of steel. In fact, you may have come to the same conclusion yourself. Virgo has a reputation for being able to take care of others with the best of them -- but can you turn that same care and attention on yourself? That's the big question you'll be facing in 2010.The good news (beyond simply less bad news) is that there will be all kinds of opportunities opening up for you in new directions as far as fun, recreation and romance. So take advantage of those whenever you can. You've earned it!

Romantic
This is the year that everything changes, one way or another! Saturn has left your sign, so you aren't feeling as weighed down by life as you once were. Pluto is transiting your Romance House, bringing revolutionary changes to your love life and your romantic pursuits. And, to top it all off, two eclipses hit your romance sector.The first of the two happens in January, and makes for a major shift that will carry on throughout the first few months of the year. If you are currently in a stable committed relationship, be prepared for some jolts. Don't panic just yet; the jolt will be of a temporary nature, but could bring long-standing issues to the surface that need to be addressed for the sake of the relationship.Then in July, a second eclipse will liven things up again. Unlike the previous eclipse that landed in your House of Committed Relationships, this one affects your House of Love Received. Certainly if you are in a long-term relationship at the time, it will be affected. But even if you aren't, don't be surprised if new romantic potentials appear out of nowhere -- or from a direction you didn't expect.If you are in a committed relationship, the first month of the year is generally good. Then from February onwards, Jupiter rolls into your Eighth House. This brings a new emphasis on the physical side of your relationship. A bit of a caution though: this doesn't necessarily just mean your partner. Whether it's appropriate or not, prepare to be hit on a lot.

Career
The big news for Virgo this year for work and money is not so much an onslaught of good news as it is the release of tremendous pressure. Neither Saturn nor Pluto have done you any favors in the last two years. Fortunately for you, they've both moved on to make economic trouble for someone else. The next year of your financial life should run far more smoothly than you've gotten used to, and your perseverance will be rewarded in 2010.Part of the gains you'll be making will be as a result of good old-fashioned penny-pinching and money management. Whether you had a natural inclination that way before, you will find that you have newfound talents in the wise spending department.Your personal earning ability will also be improving in the next year. April and May will bring opportunities for you to either shine within the context of the job you already have, or to reach out and find something new. There are no particular warning signs for the next year, but you may want to start giving some real thought to what the next logical step should be on your career path. If there is one downside to the work year ahead, it's a nagging doubt that you are in the right place and using your talents to your advantage. The last three months of the year in particular -- the holiday rush season in many lines of work -- may find you questioning whether your current position is the best for you. Do your groundwork, and opportunities will present themselves at this time.

haha HMM quite true quite true.

especially the overview. and the romantic too. january haha interesting haha mmm

ah well. back to work =)

the most elating day.

yet the most heartbreaking day.

i'm lucky to be doing water operations in sembcorp.

but i don't know what to do.

my heart is in pieces.

so where do we go from here?

haha so many things happening this week.

i'm beginning to lose track of everything's that going on.

many many things to do.

ah well...

and i realised i really don't have a i'm from engin look. =S

no one has ever been able to guess my faculty without prompting -_-

haha funny conversation that occurred over the week:

lady: are you from nus as well?

me: yup i'm nus too... engineering =)

lady: *gasps in shock*

me: haha yuppp engineering

lady: but you don't look like an engineer... too fashionable.. too...

me: haha yeah i get that a lot. that i don't look like i'm from engin

lady: whoa... so do you really like what you're studying? does it interest you?

me: *laughs away* yes engin's quite interesting and yes i'm really from engin ahahaha

ahaha thanks ar. still ask whether i like what i study haha. omg. i'm really from engin can =s

talking about that... my CAP's up by another 0.2! =D

not as much as i'd have hoped it'd improve but ah well. not too bad of a jump still.

jumped 0.65 over the last 3 semesters. can't complain ehs.

though cos it wasn't as good as expected...

some hopes are completely dashed and left for the dumps. ah well. forget it.

just a lil worried that IA's gonna further stall my CAP.

ah well... talking about IA...

i still haven't gotten enough working clothes.

or shoes or whatsoever. uh oh. and i don't seem to have a lot of time left =s

AHH... so fast so fast...

ANDDD i think i'm gonna be awed at the sight of the jurong island wastewater and cogeneration treatment plants. saw about 3 photos and i'm whoa-ed already...

anddd their technology sounds pretty impressive! =D

the high efficiency anaerobic biogranulation technology sounds good.

the advanced fluid composting too!

really can't wait to see it in action.

this is so exciting =D

i have a lottt to learn! =)

and andddd they're building the world's largest water reclaimation plant in CHANGI! =D=D=D

ohmygosh they're technologies are =D=D=D im excited excited excited! =D

oh gosh i'm crazily tired. cycled the entire day with my youngest bro.

even in the rain haha whichhh reminds me of the time you came and it

rained while we cycled haha probably the last time i cycled too hahas

cycled up and down up and down ecp... anddd dropped by the fairprice to buy some groceries as well. the random decision to cook dinner =D

ah so much for clearing up my messy room. haha

cooking was fun! =) cooked a korean dinner. wahaha i likeee =D

haha and it looked redder than the picture does =p

and we even decided to roast a whole chicken for the fun of it. haha

a lil burnt on the outside though cos the oven's heating thingy was a tad too difficult to control =( ah well still tasted not tooo bad =)

or at least my bro liked it.

realised my bro really likes all these cook/bake together kinda

stuff. haha =p

and... HURRAY! you're back! =D=D=D

and i somehow loveeee this pic of us... from the day we went prawning =D

hehe... alrights... terribly exhausted. my bobbie brown town appointment and chingay dance tmr! =D

i'm happy! and i cant wait to see you again. when i see you. ah well but you're backkk! =D thats all that matters now =p the feeling's different... yayeeee! =)

and so another day passed =)
met up with my ij-rians.
manhatten fished-ed with wanting rachel yanling dorothy and jean at marina square and celebrated jean's 21st in advanace at the same time as well
not too bad. had some nice jap ice cream from there too =)
headed down to the book fair at suntec! and omggg got 5 new books to read. figured i should do something more with my spare time rather than taptap haha.
and i even got this really cute chinese handbooks. haha spent quite long laughing at it (realised my chinese is not thatttt bad after all. but that's relative yeah. lol.) it has the cutest phrases! haha high time to start trying to improve my chinese =s i NEED to start being able to hold a proper conversation with your fam! haha hmmm my new aim-relearn chinese

and and omg i keep seeing the mitch albon book that you were reading. now im so so tempted to read it too! hahaha shall borrow a little faith from you soon =D

got my fossil watch back! nice and repaired. and i finally called bobbie brown for my makeup lesson after half a year of procrastination lol =s about time. wed! =) should be interesting

and it was back to kr for chingay dance. so far so good. it's pretty interesting actually. learning steps much faster than before. anddd i can do the warm up! wahaha must be the last many months of jazz lol =p cant wait till chingay comes =p

anddd i learnt something new -> d block's 2nd floor gate can be opened as long as you're a kr alumni. haha the card's coded forever ahahaha =x

guessing i should go catch some sleep real soon. supposed to go for an early morning walk/jog with my mum. declaring tomorrow a stay home day. hahas. and yesss you're coming back! =D yay! <3

glacius outing in the day at the raffles city shokudo

exactly the same table as that of our third month =)

the familiar soft shell crab ramen, pizza and macha haha =p

pretty nice catching up with rizki and mogu though =)

then it was to acjc to catch the dance recital which we were hahaha supposed to perform in. ah well.

not too bad though. really really cute kids =D

i want my daughter to learn dance in the future! haha...

kinda made me wonder what happened to the cartwheel-ing gymnastics and tap dancing me back when i was young though. think i'll never be able to do it ever again after the op. ah well ahaha moved on =x

haha surprised to see my msg delivered to you halfway though

hope your trip's going great =)

dinner with the oac girls at wala wala. ahaha first time for everything yeah? they have surprisingly good food though! always thought it'd just be another drinking place or something. haha... awesome. a new hangout place. haha =p

had a drive down the whole orchard stretch and caught all the christmas lightings. hmm =)

ah well this weird chest pain that has been occuring quite frequently is killing me =(

shall attempt to sleep earlier than usual... another long day ahead bahs.

goodnight =)

ps: ilu =)

drove to safti to pick my bro up from ocs early this morning!

then it was another long long drive down to rp to mark scripts.

pretty fun marking. challenging. ahaha never knew it was possible to score so low for math. haha =x

gosh i felt so near yet so far to you in woodlands. it's so... like you always say... your di pan =p

i remember pacing up and down that pathway next to woodlands mrt... nervously... waiting for you to come pick me up to visit your mum's shop and family for the first time. =p

i remember you walking me from woodlands to rp's park for a little nature walk for our 6th month =)

it felt so weird taking the escalator up the mrt without someone to hug and cling on to real tight.

everything about woodlands reminds me of you haha =p

then it was off to cityhall to meet my ex tj classmates to buy our present for our other classmate's 21st. and yes dear, william's my new found BFF! haha =p

ahaha i still remember us walking out to catch the last bus from nsrcc at sam's birthday...

when i first gave you a peck on the cheek to thank you for making the effort come all the way down to celebrate it with us. =p

anddd i miss having someone to call while waiting for bus 14 (which takes forever to come) to come. haha

everything these few days seem to keep me thinking of you! excessively =x

i hope you're enjoying your trip loads!

lovelove from a crazily tired fishie <3

so much to tell you

it feels so weird not being to give you a call or drop you a message knowing a reply'd come soon

whenever i see something interesting or i don't know... have that sudden urge to tell you something

so i guess i'll write it here... so that it wouldn't slip my mind =)

so it's day one! of me awaiting your return! =D

early morning drive to changi airport!

managed to make a direct in reverse parking! i'm improving! YAY! =D

met your family, aunts and cousins.

haha i realised i'm not good with groups. accumulated fatigue over the years i guess. of having to handle too many different groups of people. haha but i'm working on it =)

and yesss i like them! =) i'm glad i asked you to go for the hols. i'm sure you'd enjoy it. friendly bunch yays =p

met longman for lunch at bugis. our little catch up session before he leaves for sep...

ma maisons it was for lunch =) nice cosy little place in bugis junction.

we found this really cool restaurant in iluma while walking around though...

and the prices are really quite surprisingly okay. sooo gonna bring you there someday! =D

traveled with my younger bro down to 313@somerset for a random sudden meeting with my parents for dinner =p

dinner-ed at say cheese. which reminded me EVEN MORE of you.

and yes their food is sooooo good =D

seee! haha =D yeah! =p hahas

we randomly met mogu too! out shopping with her friend haha =p

mmm i can't wait for f21 and new look to open in 313! =)

oh and the marche queue is amazingly long =x

drove from orchard back home...

never realised driving would be so tiring =s

must be the concentration. too many lives at hand. stressed. haha

ahh gonna concuss... so so tired. another long day ahead =x

i hope everything's going well =)

love you dear =p

alrights! so now i've achieved all that i've set out to achieve this holidays =) passing driving! =D

yeah baby!

wahaha but i still need to get used to auto cars. cos i don't have a manual car. hehhh.

ah well.

looking back at that tiring semester. i must have been crazy to overload myself so much academically in a semester like this =x

buttt nevertheless i'm glad it's over.

and i'm lucky for the support i've been getting from you, my ese mates and the rest of my friends.

if not i've no idea how i would have pulled that feat off on my own =)

alrights it's time to start meeting up with all the non-hall friends whom i've neglected so much all these years =(

time for me to get this right =D

yeah baby here i comeeeee LOL =p

yeah! the most draining semester ever is over! =)

and i finally see you for the first time in a month! =D

good food in both chinatown and town =)

but what mattered most was still you...

you being there with me =D

yeah!

happy 11 months dear! =)

we're almost a year! =p

though it's another celebration-less month

cos we're both way too busy =s

microbiology paper in the morning

and now desperately rushing air pollution control for tomorrow morning's paper.

just me, air pollution control and my cup noodles. haha

i'm terribly exhausted.

ah well but it'll be over soon yeah?

and sembcorp emailed me abt the details for internship day one!

7.35am. hahaha wow. i better be able to make it on time. consistantly.

i'm excited though! =)

haha alrights! back to studying. hopefully i'll finish reading this stack in time =s

ps: i miss youuu! =( and i hope tmr will be a good exam day for the both of us =)

awesome 9am papers

shit. im feel so stressed over screwing up waste management.

can't seem to get it off my mind.

please please please give me a B+.

i begggg of you.

don't give me anything below B.

though the more i think of it. looking at the way i answered the questions, the more i think i might have deserved that.

if only i could turn back time =(

someone please pray for me.

arggh. okie. now please make up for it kim.

learn to let go.

you have three chances left.

don't regret.

make it up.

icandothis.

and especially for you, i won't give up. as promised =)

sigh the more i think about it,

the worse i think i fared for my waste management paper that day.

not just the 20 mark calculation that i couldn't do.

but also the crappy answers that i gave even though i knew what was going on. =(

pls pls don't let me drop too many grades.

b+ will do for me =) (though now i think i need a miracle to get that =( )

sigh okie make up for it with microbio air and water. come on.

focussss O.O

stressedddd =(

haha yay! and im halfway through.

and i got my two wastewater quizzes back =)

and i realised i've scored 31.5 out of the 35 % possible that we've gotten back.

omggg. ifff my individual proj turns out fine... and i can somehow keep it up and do well for my final paper... YAY!

the most important module to me now cos i wanna major in that.

alrights. but i'll only touch it after microbiology and air pollution control are over.

and i must must stop slacking and playing so much. time to focus.

tmr will be a better day =)

okieee... to a crazily xiong week ahead...

I CAN DO THIS.

i really really want/need my honours.

and i really hope you do well too =)

you're my inspiration =p

okay. two days wasted.

gone to procrastination.

come on kim pull yourself together.

just four more.

you can do it.

you're almost there.

make tomorrow a better day.

tomorrow will be a good day.

icandoiticandoiticandoit

a new template because i think i need a change =)

icandothisicandothisicandothis

sigh. i broke down again last night.

for the umpteen-th time this semester

i'm so disappointed with myself

it's only the second paper but i'm already feeling so tired and burnt out.

but i can't let go now.

i know my content well.

but i'm putting too much pressure on myself to do well this sem.

so much so i actually think that's the reason why i can't perform during the papers itself.

anddd it's making it difficult for me to fall asleep at night.

even when i'm so so tired.

i need to find a way out

to get past the final four papers well

especially the final three which mean the most to me.

if i stop will you push me on?

will you reassure me that i can do this on my own?

oh gosh. i feel so worried for tmr's exam =(

I WANT MY CHEATSHEET. bahhh

i feel insecure =(

and here comes the start of my 6 ppr marathon.

wish me luck =(

ps: i miss you.

i'm getting so distracted, so unfocused and so tired this half of the semester that i really don't know what to do anymore.

maybe i really overloaded too much this sem.

maybe i'm just expecting too much out of myself.

maybe i'm just too tired.

to much work to do, so many other things to handle. so many other problems.

try being me for a day. maybe you'll understand.

finally finally finished the super undoable past year quiz.

so so ridiculous.

at least i figured it out. but still.

pls pls pray for me. that i won't flunk tmr's test =(

cos i really wanna specialise in that.

and my four labs in a day tmr. omg.

830am labs are unearthly hours.

to the long long day ahead.

lord, please carry me through.

yayness! kim is a happy girl today.

cos he met me twice today!

and both times more than the occasional 5-10mins we might have together here and there per week. =)

water and wastewater engineering test tmr. i need... to do well. =(

4 labs per day for this week. madness. and you wonder why i always disappear.

pls pls get me past this week...

nine and counting to many more ahead =)

cos the best times are when it's just you and me =)

sigh.

of course.

of course i mind.

=(

but it won't make a difference anyway.

sometimes i cant help it.

i'm trying my best to cope.

but it really doesn't when my neighbour's bf is ard everyday.

and i see him so much more often than you.

i don't expect to see you everyday.

i know that's not possible.

but this is making it v difficult for me.

i really wish i could just close my door and go without a care in the world.

but i can't.

so everyday i miss you.

and everyday i miss you more and more.

and i find it even more difficult when we hardly talk.

i need you to reply me. cos it helps to keep me going.

yet i can't tell you all of this.

because i know i need to be stronger.

to carry myself through this sem on my own.

I GOT ACCEPTED BY SEMBCORP! =D

for my industrial attachment.

not bad quite surprised since they have only 3 interns this year.

of which only 2 are from environmental engineering.

pls pls plsss let them give me the right jobscope.

let it be the one im interested in...

pleaseeeeeeee...

is on the verge of tears.

and the dearie came to have lunch with me today.
even though it was a pretty short lunch,
you have no idea how glad i am to see you.
i missed that safe feeling being in your arms.
i missed you trying to pinch my nose.
i missed you. a lot.

YAY! and today i get koi bubble tea from my neighbour rachel. =)
and i had oreo mc flurry with mogu this afternoon =)
ooh and now kelvin and his big pack of maltesers! =)
people are giving me happy food everyday to bring down my stress level which is like way past yielding strength.
but AH WELL. i dont mind. it cheers me up =)


ps: i secretly appreciate even the smallest things. i'm that kind of girl.
i love my friends! =D

so so much to do. so many things due. =(

yayyeeee! sze sian came over to visit with a rocking snow skin mooncake! =D
reminds me of the time when the oacians came over with popeyes and tiramisu to cheer me up during reading week when i was on the brink of giving up back in year 1 sem 2.
enjoyed the talk. much needed. in a much better mood now =)
yayyy even when all else falters, my oacians never fail to make my day at the right times.
i loveee my oacians =)
<3

freaking stressed.
yesterday i bought 5 small mooncakes as comfort food.
they're all gone.
the chocolate in my fridge. which is technically on my table now is quickly disappearing.
i am damn stressed.
i need people to periodically talk to me.
i don't care whether it's by msg, by phone or face to face.
but theres no one to talk to. except for this old trustworthy blog of mine which has yet to fail me..
no one will ever understand.
i. feel. like. a. ticking. timebomb.

and that non-stop ringing sound is driving me crazy.

sometimes when i ask for something, i don't expect you to say yes.
yes, i hate it when you say no so directly and flatly. and the words that come along with it.
like at most that day dun come lor. i have nothing to lose.
it secretly hurts me inside. a lot. like really a lot.
perhaps this is just goes to show how lousy i am.
i can't even get you to compromise or give in. not even a little sacrifice.
just for a day.
when i request for something, i don't even need you to say yes.
all i need at the end of the day is for you to say maybe. see how it goes. or i'll think about it.
to me that's already a compromise.
that's good enough for me.
but i can't even get that.
i must be really really lousy.

i often blog when i'm upset, sad or stressed.
this blog is basically becoming my personal space to vent my frustrations.
i like the anonymity that comes with it.
definitely worth me pulling it off google and requesting for certain people to unlink this blog so that it won't become that much of a public blog.
sighs. the ups and downs of life.
i'm busy. too busy. i officially have no life.
everyday's a mad rush. even so, there will always be that stockpile of work that i'm unable to clear.
ah well. but i shall take some time off now to put up a happy post. pretty rare ehs.

Anyway, over the weeks, i had an awesome 21st =)
with the surprise planned party at the sand bar, sentosa, the celebrations in kr, and the many meetups =)
thanks everyone for making it such a memorable birthday for me =)


the sentosa love =)



































































































































the many midnight surprises back in hall =)





























the meetups =)













































































and of course, with him =)














(probably the one and only photo i'll ever post of us doing that lol)

and of course, the many people who wished me...
and the many people whom i wished were here in singapore to celebrate it with me
thank you for being a such an important part of my last 21 years =)

YAY! he finally came to visit me here in hall today while i'm trying to clear whatever assignments i can clear so that i'll make my next few horror weeks a lil less horrifying =s
although it's just for awhile... but i really really really appreciated his presence a lot =)
i'm happier today cos my dearie just made my day! loves =)

and i don't want the world to see me.
even my textbook hates me.
just when i wanted a distraction from everything.
it cuts me.




ps: i wanted to ask you. i really did. but before i could, they asked you first. again.

... and there he goes again.
gone.
away from me again.
that feeling of emptiness is back.
i'm sad i'm lonely.
i'm sick i'm emo.
i'm on the brink of tears.
maybe i'm just depressed.
maybe i'm just not strong enough.

sometimes i really feel like crying.
do you ever get the feeling that you're all alone in this world?
when you're tired and stressed, sometimes all you need is a little affirmation.
you're stressed, im stressed too.
i can't and will not be able to cope this sem.
i've always known it the moment i got my modules.
i'm trying but i can't.
sometimes your tone just makes me feel even worse.
you don't realise it. most people won't. but it's times like this in which it hits me real hard.
sometimes ignoring me when i need someone to talk to the most puts me on the brink of tears.
i feel like i'm sinking deeper and deeper.
you don't know that.
because i don't tell you.
because at times, it's just me against the world.

he really loves me
he really really does =)

so many things i want to say.
but yet i can't.

all things happen for a reason.

a lousy murphy's law ruled day.
im gonna put it behind.
cos tmr's gonna be a better day.

haha actually im quite easy.
all i want is a little get away with him.
a weekend escapade or something to somewhere near.
even bintan or batam or something sounds good.
yup. that's all. =)

because the first kiss is the sweetest =)
and because i love you.

procrastination.
in some sense a somewhat taboo word i must say.
they same way i had wanted to write this post a day or two ago. kind of got caught in the oh i think i've something else to do i'll do this later state.
so why have i decided to write this today? because i've finally found some personal time to do so? nope. i need to pack to move back into my room back in hall early tommorrow afternoon, i need to solve a couple of math questions. i'm writing this as a way of not doing all those things. procrastination yet again.

looking back in history, the most impressive people are mostly masters of procrastination. in that manner, there should be some bright side to procrastination yes?

with the endless number of things we could be doing at each moment in time, it's impossible to avoid something as tempting as procrastination.

there are three different variants of procrastination. you could 1) do nothing, 2) do something less important or 3) do something more important.

Procrastinators seldom do absolutely nothing; they do marginally useful things, things to get around doing the task at hand. So the solution? Structured procrastination.

Perhaps something along the line of making a list of tasks to be accomplished; ordered by importance. Just a little twist. The top of your list should probably consist of something that seems very important (but perhaps not so in real life) and very (seemingly) urgent. The somewhat highly exaggerated (in terms of importance) tasks. And by being the procrastinator in us, we'd probably end up accomplishing all the other less important (but actually more important tasks in real life) from the list. Deception you might say. But i actually do think that it might just work.

Just some food for thought =)

M.A.D

it's a mad mad world.
often in life, you would think that life is made up of big big things.
you sit down, thinking of a thousand and one ways to change the world.
but sometimes, it is the smallest things that make the biggest differences in life.

life, is made up of the simplest things.

you ask yourself, who am i to make a difference.
but, who are you not to?

small simple things such as giving up your seat on the bus or train to someone who needs it more, giving an encouraging word or two to a friend or even smiling to a complete random stranger go a long long way.

who i am makes a difference.

M.A.D. make a difference. today =)

moral of the story.
never trust nus.
never trust engin.
i hate them. i really do.
every semester they screw things up for me.
what's wrong with them.

dropped by the chem eng, bio eng and envi engin commencement this morning.
(means we're probably gonna graduate on the same time and date dear =p )
suddenly i feel quite inspired to graduate with honours
(probably cos it'd be quite paiseh to graduate withoout honours)
cos they split it up to with or without honours.
hehhh.
as long as i can keep up with this sem's semester cap. or do better. i think it's still possible =)
ah well. new found motivation. lol.

ps. i miss you. a lot.

i miss singapore.
i miss you.
i miss you like crazy.
cant wait to come back tmr =)

I'M BACK!

haha taking it slow this holidays =)

well needed long break. for once, i'm around =)

so yes, if you're around, you can start dating me out! wahaha =D

teamHAPS =)

first camp/race of the holidays.

the noMADic race.
haha follow our footsteps at http://teamhaps09.wordpress.com/
lol. an experience to remember =)

sam's birthday! hawaiian! =D
many fun polaroid moments and crazy dancing =)
and holidays means more time out with you! =D

wheeee! thailand in the weekend.

and rae wen this week hopefully! yay rocks =)

yay finished studying for tmr's module.
just a past year paper left to try =)
i'm anticipating!
my momentary freedom =)
though i'm a lil at a loss as to what to do with my holidays now that yep's been cancelled.
HMM. ah well. i should SO get a job then.
but till then, yay! =D

hehe. always and four-ever. haha
happy fourth month dear! =D

dear lord,
please give me the strength to pull through.
help me to see the bright side to every adversity,
because i know lord that behind every dark cloud there is a silver lining.
help me to stay calm and composed.
help me to react and make decisions, not based on rash impulse or emotions, but logically .

dear lord,
i really miss you so.

love,
your child.

i can't do it. =(