is on the verge of tears.

and the dearie came to have lunch with me today.
even though it was a pretty short lunch,
you have no idea how glad i am to see you.
i missed that safe feeling being in your arms.
i missed you trying to pinch my nose.
i missed you. a lot.

YAY! and today i get koi bubble tea from my neighbour rachel. =)
and i had oreo mc flurry with mogu this afternoon =)
ooh and now kelvin and his big pack of maltesers! =)
people are giving me happy food everyday to bring down my stress level which is like way past yielding strength.
but AH WELL. i dont mind. it cheers me up =)


ps: i secretly appreciate even the smallest things. i'm that kind of girl.
i love my friends! =D

so so much to do. so many things due. =(

yayyeeee! sze sian came over to visit with a rocking snow skin mooncake! =D
reminds me of the time when the oacians came over with popeyes and tiramisu to cheer me up during reading week when i was on the brink of giving up back in year 1 sem 2.
enjoyed the talk. much needed. in a much better mood now =)
yayyy even when all else falters, my oacians never fail to make my day at the right times.
i loveee my oacians =)
<3

freaking stressed.
yesterday i bought 5 small mooncakes as comfort food.
they're all gone.
the chocolate in my fridge. which is technically on my table now is quickly disappearing.
i am damn stressed.
i need people to periodically talk to me.
i don't care whether it's by msg, by phone or face to face.
but theres no one to talk to. except for this old trustworthy blog of mine which has yet to fail me..
no one will ever understand.
i. feel. like. a. ticking. timebomb.

and that non-stop ringing sound is driving me crazy.

sometimes when i ask for something, i don't expect you to say yes.
yes, i hate it when you say no so directly and flatly. and the words that come along with it.
like at most that day dun come lor. i have nothing to lose.
it secretly hurts me inside. a lot. like really a lot.
perhaps this is just goes to show how lousy i am.
i can't even get you to compromise or give in. not even a little sacrifice.
just for a day.
when i request for something, i don't even need you to say yes.
all i need at the end of the day is for you to say maybe. see how it goes. or i'll think about it.
to me that's already a compromise.
that's good enough for me.
but i can't even get that.
i must be really really lousy.

i often blog when i'm upset, sad or stressed.
this blog is basically becoming my personal space to vent my frustrations.
i like the anonymity that comes with it.
definitely worth me pulling it off google and requesting for certain people to unlink this blog so that it won't become that much of a public blog.
sighs. the ups and downs of life.
i'm busy. too busy. i officially have no life.
everyday's a mad rush. even so, there will always be that stockpile of work that i'm unable to clear.
ah well. but i shall take some time off now to put up a happy post. pretty rare ehs.

Anyway, over the weeks, i had an awesome 21st =)
with the surprise planned party at the sand bar, sentosa, the celebrations in kr, and the many meetups =)
thanks everyone for making it such a memorable birthday for me =)


the sentosa love =)



































































































































the many midnight surprises back in hall =)





























the meetups =)













































































and of course, with him =)














(probably the one and only photo i'll ever post of us doing that lol)

and of course, the many people who wished me...
and the many people whom i wished were here in singapore to celebrate it with me
thank you for being a such an important part of my last 21 years =)

YAY! he finally came to visit me here in hall today while i'm trying to clear whatever assignments i can clear so that i'll make my next few horror weeks a lil less horrifying =s
although it's just for awhile... but i really really really appreciated his presence a lot =)
i'm happier today cos my dearie just made my day! loves =)

and i don't want the world to see me.
even my textbook hates me.
just when i wanted a distraction from everything.
it cuts me.




ps: i wanted to ask you. i really did. but before i could, they asked you first. again.

... and there he goes again.
gone.
away from me again.
that feeling of emptiness is back.
i'm sad i'm lonely.
i'm sick i'm emo.
i'm on the brink of tears.
maybe i'm just depressed.
maybe i'm just not strong enough.

sometimes i really feel like crying.
do you ever get the feeling that you're all alone in this world?
when you're tired and stressed, sometimes all you need is a little affirmation.
you're stressed, im stressed too.
i can't and will not be able to cope this sem.
i've always known it the moment i got my modules.
i'm trying but i can't.
sometimes your tone just makes me feel even worse.
you don't realise it. most people won't. but it's times like this in which it hits me real hard.
sometimes ignoring me when i need someone to talk to the most puts me on the brink of tears.
i feel like i'm sinking deeper and deeper.
you don't know that.
because i don't tell you.
because at times, it's just me against the world.

he really loves me
he really really does =)

so many things i want to say.
but yet i can't.

all things happen for a reason.

a lousy murphy's law ruled day.
im gonna put it behind.
cos tmr's gonna be a better day.

haha actually im quite easy.
all i want is a little get away with him.
a weekend escapade or something to somewhere near.
even bintan or batam or something sounds good.
yup. that's all. =)

because the first kiss is the sweetest =)
and because i love you.

procrastination.
in some sense a somewhat taboo word i must say.
they same way i had wanted to write this post a day or two ago. kind of got caught in the oh i think i've something else to do i'll do this later state.
so why have i decided to write this today? because i've finally found some personal time to do so? nope. i need to pack to move back into my room back in hall early tommorrow afternoon, i need to solve a couple of math questions. i'm writing this as a way of not doing all those things. procrastination yet again.

looking back in history, the most impressive people are mostly masters of procrastination. in that manner, there should be some bright side to procrastination yes?

with the endless number of things we could be doing at each moment in time, it's impossible to avoid something as tempting as procrastination.

there are three different variants of procrastination. you could 1) do nothing, 2) do something less important or 3) do something more important.

Procrastinators seldom do absolutely nothing; they do marginally useful things, things to get around doing the task at hand. So the solution? Structured procrastination.

Perhaps something along the line of making a list of tasks to be accomplished; ordered by importance. Just a little twist. The top of your list should probably consist of something that seems very important (but perhaps not so in real life) and very (seemingly) urgent. The somewhat highly exaggerated (in terms of importance) tasks. And by being the procrastinator in us, we'd probably end up accomplishing all the other less important (but actually more important tasks in real life) from the list. Deception you might say. But i actually do think that it might just work.

Just some food for thought =)

M.A.D

it's a mad mad world.
often in life, you would think that life is made up of big big things.
you sit down, thinking of a thousand and one ways to change the world.
but sometimes, it is the smallest things that make the biggest differences in life.

life, is made up of the simplest things.

you ask yourself, who am i to make a difference.
but, who are you not to?

small simple things such as giving up your seat on the bus or train to someone who needs it more, giving an encouraging word or two to a friend or even smiling to a complete random stranger go a long long way.

who i am makes a difference.

M.A.D. make a difference. today =)

moral of the story.
never trust nus.
never trust engin.
i hate them. i really do.
every semester they screw things up for me.
what's wrong with them.